What did I do to deserve this... UPDATE pg 12

I saw a genetic counselor and the perinatalogist today. The fluid at the back of the neck has grown and is now surrounding the entire head and goes all the way down both sides of the beans body. In just a week it has gotten much worse. The perinatalogist says that the baby has hydrops fetalis for sure. The cause is unknown right now. I have an amnio scheduled for July 7th when I will be 16 weeks.
Since the hydrops fetalis is SO severe the doctor warned me that there is a very good chance the baby will not make it to the amnio. She says they haven’t “written the baby off” but she wants me to be prepared.
This is what hydrops fetalis is defined as:
Hydrops fetalis is a severe, life-threatening problem of severe edema (swelling) in the fetus and newborn.

There are too kinds of hydrops, immune and non-immune. Immune has to do with the Rh factor so mine would be non-immune. Here are some things that can cause hydrops:

• severe anemias congenital infections (infections present at birth), heart or lung defects, chromosomal abnormalities and birth defects, liver disease

I won’t know anything more until July 7th. I am so so scared. I am also VERY angry. Why, again, is something happening? Am I not supposed to be a mom? WTF. I feel like I did something really horrible that I am getting punished for. I just can’t even believe it.

pictures of the fluid. These are of the back of the bean






3D hands in from of face



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Omg Jenell I am so sorry, Nothing I can say can make you feel any better because I don't know the pain your going through, But you and bean are in my prayers and thoughts

sweetheart i am so sorry! i haven't been thru what your going thru but if you ever wanna talk please don't think twice before PMing me. im really sorry and i will pray for you and your baby.

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. You and you're precious baby are in my prayers. I just said a prayer for you.

OH NO! hun im so sorry!
*hugs* youll make a great mama! im so sorry you got to go through this again.

Oh Janell I am so sorry! I wish I could comfort you and make things better for you.

Jenell, I am so sorry. I am here for you if you need anything! I love you.

keep us posted. I am praying.

Oh no. I just dont know what to say.
Other then im here for you. And I am terribly sorry Janell.
Love you.

oh hunny i am so sorry, i hope things get better, prayers can be like magic, you are in my thoughts and prayers, i wish you the best hun

Oh Jenell, I'm so so sorry!   It's NOT your fault hun, don't blame yourself! And you will be a GREAT mother!!! You and your little bean will be in my thoughts sweetie.

*Hugs*

I wish I could say something to take away what you're feeling. You don't deserve this at all. I'm going to be praying for you and I really hope things start to look up for you.

I am so sorry for what you are going through! I hope everything changes and turns out okay. My thoughts are with you!

I am so so so so sorry...You do not deserve this at all...i will be praying everything turns out okay

I am so sorry.. I don't even know what to say..