re: The angry phase of grief

Quoting ~Ali~:“ So you will be in the DC area? That is so cool!!! If neither one of us is pregnant by then let's go ... [snip!] ... that I have no where to be and nothing to lose. I don't mind spending some time in jail watching TV. Heck I do that anyway....”

I know what you mean, sugar.

I'll be in a little town about 1 and a half hours from you, so we could probably meet up somewhere in the middle and let our hubbies be the DDs while whe get totally blitzed. And we'll be the loud women belly-up to the bar giving dirty looks to anyone who doubts our right to get wasted and make more noise than anyone! AJ and I will make another trip to the graveyard to visit his sister (now that he's been on the parental side of losing a baby, he is reminded more of his little sister who died as a newborn when he was 12, so he and his parents reliving a lot of that stuff too!)

I cannot wait to get the test results. I know they COULD be bad, but the optimistic side of me just hopes that the results will be good and all this will be over.

How are you feeling now? Has the infection gotten any more under control? Are you out of danger yet? Let me know as soon as you find out any more! I keep hoping for nothing but fantastic things for you.

I know you think I'm so brave for wanting to try again so soon...I'm not. I'm terrified. Absolutely horrified right out of my mind. My mom had this surgery in 1990 and had to have a hysterectomy in 2000. So I am figuring I have about 10 years to have all my babies, if I'm really lucky. So, hopefully, in a few years I'll be that frazzled looking woman in the commissary trailing a toddler, an little one in a seat on the buggy, and a big ol' belly. I intend to squeeze out all the children I want to have as quickly as possible before the cancer comes back and takes away any chance I have. Now all I have to do is make sure the cancer is gone at this point and that I'll stay healthy long enough to carry a bean to term.

I know you're not ready to go through the TTC thing again, just yet anyway, but I'm here for you through it all! I'm so glad I met you when I did. If we'd started talking even a week later, it would have been a totally different situation. I know I was 10 weeks and a few days when we started chatting. Man, that was forever ago. Two lifetimes! And yet so short! I'd have been 19 1/2 weeks now. Just about to the point you were when I met you. Its crazy how fast it goes and yet how slowly we make progress after something like this.

Much love to you and J. Take care of yourself and I'll talk to you as soon as you get home!

LOVE!!!
P

hunny i am so sorry. I know it probally means nothing to you but i really am. My heart is breaking for you. I pray for you and your husband and i really hope that things work out alot better. Its really horrible. and i don't know really what to say. other than when your time comes again you are going to be a great mom and your going to have a great life. If you have to cry, cry. My hubby tells me all the time that crying lets all the sad out so dont feel bad if you do. your a wonderful person and your a very strong woman. Im sorry for your loss.