FAILED 3rdTrimester Abortion?!?!

Chances are slim here, but anyone with a story like mine?! My whole story is on my board in other forums if you wish to read the entire post, but to sum it up ( somewhat shortened).. I had a failed third trimester abortion. My baby was diagnosed with a serious heart defect that would require several open heart surgeries at 26weeks. Third trimester. ALL my doctors basically forced me into the aboriton and convinced me of the third trimester abortion.

The first attempt.. yes attempt.. the doctor had said he had gotten it and we went to the hospital to deliver the stillborn. There we discovered a heart beat. Everyone was petrified of the effects, so we felt we had no choice but to go on with it again. 8 attempts/entries later, still failed. My miracle was born blue on his due date, put onto a ventillator and survived. He was born with skin missing where the needles from the procedures hit him.

I know there probably isn't one person in the entire world with my story.. but if anyone had a third trimester abortion could reach out to me. I feel extremely guilty that I even attempted and listened to the doctors. I can't look at him a day without thinking that we tried to abort him.. kill him. I dont know how or what I'm going to tell him as he gets older and sees his skin in baby pictures. The guilt is eating me alive and I am so mad at myself and depressed . Constantly getting flashbacks of the procedures, not hearing his cry, and the fact of me doing that.

Anyone?! Just feel so alone. :'(

Wow, he definitely is a miracle. Just know that he is most definitely here for a reason and is destined for amazing things.

I haven't been in your shoes, but do you think therapy would help with the guilt and hurt you feel?

I remember your story. Your little boy is a fighter! I wouldn't feel guilty.. ultimately no matter what you attempted to do he's still here and you're caring for him and loving him right? That's all that matters.
I didn't have a 3rd trimester abortion but I had one at 23w6d... still think about it 5 years later. If you want to talk I'm here.   xoxo

Aw it's okay.
He survived, you gotta little fighter on your hands ;D

I've been wondering how you both are doing. <3 I hope you can find someone that is able to relate to you.

I have been praying for you since you first posted about this. You have a miracle in your hands! I couldn't imagine what you are going through with the past, but he is here with you now.

Still praying.  

Not in your shoes, but I do understand what it is like to have doctors try to pressure you to abort. We were told it was the best option when I was pregnant with my daughter, they said she had no chance of survival because of CHD and a chromosomal abnormality.


I have a feeling you probably have some degree of post traumatic stress disorder, which would be very understandable. Talk to your doctor about therapy and anti depressants.

Quoting Mama Rice:" I haven't been in your shoes, but do you think therapy would help with the guilt and hurt you feel?"

Tried therapy. My therapist was actually with me during this whole pregnancy. Nothing is helping. It is my inside thoughts eating me alive... and as much as I have been trying, no one seems to be able to take that away from me   No one knows what it feels like or what I'm feeling like. That's why I figured I would try this board... in hopes of others feeling guilt / having a failed abortion also  

If therapy is not helping, it may be time for medication.
Being in severe depression myself, I can tell you time heals,it really really does. In the meantime, some light sedatives to help you sleep may do you a world of good.


About your baby....how is he now? What medical conditions does he have?
Please only answer if you are comfortable doing so.

Counseling in your case is a must. Don't let your feelings eat you alive. Your baby was meant to be, considering every attempt failed. Get a counselor, talk it out, and try to enjoy your little one. A counselor will likely also have suggestions on how to explain to your son about your choices when he is old enough to understand. I hope you can find peace with yourself and can come to terms with the decisions you made. Remember, what happens in the past cannot be changed, but we can still make choices that can positively affect the future. I know what it's like to ask yourself all the 'what if' questions, but it will not change what did happen. Try to find a way to accept that you made the decisions you made. If you cannot accept them for yourself, than it will be that much harder to explain to your son what was going through your mind when you made them. We have to accept our choices, regardless of whether we feel they were right or wrong, at the time you felt you were doing the right thing and all that matters is what you were feeling at the time, not what hindsight tells you that you should have felt or done.

Wow, I can not believe so many people have been following this since day one. . thank you for thinking of us <3 I wish I could meet ALL of you... I truly do love you all. xox

<blockquote><b>Quoting mommaofamiraclee:</b>" Tried therapy. My therapist was actually with me during this whole pregnancy. Nothing is helping. It ... [snip!] ... like. That's why I figured I would try this board... in hopes of others feeling guilt / having a failed abortion also  "</blockquote>

Your story is so amazing and unique. I too have wondered how you've been doing. Mg story is nothing like yours but I did feel guilt after my daughter was born because I didn't want her and periodically hoped I'd miscarry. I just devoted myself to the here and now and being the best mother I could be. Chin up dear

he's here and you love him. I cant give any advice because im not in your shoes. I cant say I wouldnt feel the same but you didnt know, you did what you were told. Im so sorry you had to go through all of that.

Quoting Piecey.:" I've been wondering how you both are doing. <3 I hope you can find someone that is able to relate to you."