Forgive & Forget?

How do you do it? Idk what is wrong with me. If SO an I talk about something that caused an arguement between us in the past I will get all upset & be angry with him all over again. I replay arguements in my head & wish I could have said more than I did to get my point across. Things like that. I love him with all of my heart, but the way I have been feeling is driving me crazy. I am suffering from PPD. Could that be what is causing these issues? I used to not be like this.  

Have you addressed the PPD?
And yes, it can certainly play a part of how you're thinking and acting.

I forgive but I don't forget. Forgetting bypasses learning. You want to learn from each situation, but that doesn't mean you need to stay mad about it.

Is he doing things on a regular basis that upset you and making you seem like the one with the problem?

Maybe think more about how you feel before addressing it from now on.

Quoting Red Bottom:" I forgive but I don't forget. Forgetting bypasses learning. You want to learn from each situation, but ... [snip!] ... you and making you seem like the one with the problem? Maybe think more about how you feel before addressing it from now on. "

 

I think that people don't know HOW to forgive and that's the biggest issue. Forgiveness seems, to most, like such an abstract concept. The best way I've heard it explained is that forgiveness is making an active decision to longer hold someone accountable for the hurt they have caused you. It doesn't mean you forgot the hurt or even that the hurt isn't there anymore, it just means that you are deciding that they are no longer accountable for it. Once you really decide to do that, then the pain you are dealing with becomes your own, and not what someone else did to you. After that, it's much easier to sort through and get freedom from.

I know exactly what you mean. There are situations from the past that I replay in my head and I think "I should have said this..." or "I should have said that.." and I actually wind up harping on it...in my mind. If you figure out how to stop, let me know! I could use some tips.

I know I'm late but I figured I'd put in my two cents. It took me two years to forgive DH for some things he did to me and even longer to fully move past them. I NEVER thought I'd be how I am now, having moved past it all. It sucked and it was a very long road but I forgive him. I will never forget what he did or how it made me feel because then I wouldn't have learned and grown from it. I do still have moments where things come back and I'm like "Damn, I should have said this or done that." But honestly, had I done those things differently, I don't think things would have turned out the way they did.

I think PPD has a bit to do with it, Ive been in that boat where I wish I would have said something. But honestly hun, dont keep the fight going. It puts more stress on you, which is more for your babies and especially on your relationship. When you get into your fights get it all out and when its finished let it be finished. If something continues to bother you then you NEED to sit down with you hubby and tell him exactly what is bothering you. Or you can keep a journal or even write him a letter explaining your feelings. Thats what I had to do because it would always eat at me, wishing I could have said something to my DH.. One day I sat down poured my heart into this letter, telling him how I was feeling, What I needed more of in our relationship and that I was willing to hear what he need from me and make the changes I needed to make as well. Relationships are hard...

Thank you everyone for your advice. It's nice to know that I'm not alone & other people have felt the way I have been feeling. He isn't upset with me. He believes it is to do with my PPD as well & he knows we will get passed it.