How does your SO deal?

How does he deal with loss or something tragic happening? We lost our daughter at 15 weeks pregnant 6 weeks ago. Since then I have been going to group counseling for those who have had 2nd/3rd trimester miscarriages or infant loss. I've also been scrapbooking my short pregnancy and writing alot.

My husband on the other hand...wont talk about it. He said hes over it, and doesnt really think about it anymore. He said hes not sure why I'm still sad.
Its only been 6 weeks, thats why I'm still sad! It bothers me and upsets me that he could brush this off so easily. He was there in the hospital room when I gave birth to her. He held her. I just dont get it. This isnt something you "get over".
Anyone else have any experience in this?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Angel Mommaa:</b>" How does he deal with loss or something tragic happening? We lost our daughter at 15 weeks pregnant 6 ... [snip!] ... birth to her. He held her. I just dont get it. This isnt something you "get over". Anyone else have any experience in this?"</blockquote>



That is probably his way of coping.

That's pretty much how my husband dealt with our losses. They were all first trimester losses, but they were still very hard on me. He never cried or talked about it. He said it was because he knew he needed to be strong for me. Maybe your husband is doing the same.

I'm very sorry for your loss.  

I highly doubt he's over it. He sounds like one of tose people who tries to ignore it. He'll end up breaking down eventually if he doesn't talk about it.

Quoting ThreeLittleBirds:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Angel Mommaa:</b>" How does he deal with loss or something tragic ... [snip!] ... something you "get over". Anyone else have any experience in this?"</blockquote> That is probably his way of coping."

It just doesnt seem healthy though. I cant even talk about her in my own house...

He accepted out miscarriage, and just praised Jesus. Haven't talked about it much since then.
He dealt with his cousins death 2 years ago the same way. He hasn't spoken about her since it happened. And growing up they were like siblings.

He just trusts Jesus knows what he's doing and praises Him. Idk where we'd be without our faith.

my sisters soon to be husband didnt handle the loss of their baby at 12 weeks well either.

He may be burying it, and feels like pretending it never happened is the best way to move on.

Or he might not have connected as you did, since he didn't carry her. My personal beliefs lead me to not attach to/care about early pregnancies.

I know everything grieves differently. It just really hurt my feelings when he said hes over it. It feels like she didnt mean vry much to him if he can just brush it off. I dont know. its just really starting to get to me.
Hes drinking a lot too, which I think is him trying to cover up the pain.

Maybe he is over it? Losing a pregnancy is different for men than women. He didn't carry the baby and maybe didn't have the same feelings you did? Even some mothers are like that. I wasn't really attached to my first until I was 8-9 months pregnant

Quoting 5 til Gwen:" He may be burying it, and feels like pretending it never happened is the best way to move on. Or he ... [snip!] ... connected as you did, since he didn't carry her. My personal beliefs lead me to not attach to/care about early pregnancies."

I can understand that. I really was a worrier and tried to not connect with the pregnancy until 2nd trimester.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ravey Candyass:</b>" I highly doubt he's over it. He sounds like one of tose people who tries to ignore it. He'll end up breaking down eventually if he doesn't talk about it."</blockquote>




He might not. I know a few guys who deal with thing that way.
Men are different than women.

OP it's prob his way of coping and you do have every right to still be sad. He didn't get to experience all the changes and thing you did because you were carrying the baby. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Quoting Jenna+1:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Ravey Candyass:</b>" I highly doubt he's over it. He sounds ... [snip!] ... He didn't get to experience all the changes and thing you did because you were carrying the baby. I'm so sorry for your loss."

Thanks. I'm going to try to talk to him about how I feel again

<blockquote><b>Quoting Big D!:</b>" Maybe he is over it? Losing a pregnancy is different for men than women. He didn't carry the baby and ... [snip!] ... same feelings you did? Even some mothers are like that. I wasn't really attached to my first until I was 8-9 months pregnant"</blockquote>




! I agree

Quoting Angel Mommaa:" How does he deal with loss or something tragic happening? We lost our daughter at 15 weeks pregnant 6 ... [snip!] ... birth to her. He held her. I just dont get it. This isnt something you "get over". Anyone else have any experience in this?"

One of my best friends, my DH's Cousin, passed away two weeks ago. I know he's very sad about it, but he rarely cries about things, because physically he's somewhat unable to.

4 years ago he had part of his brain removed to prevent seizures (he's had epilepsy since he was very young due to brain damage from a very irresponsible babysitter). The brain surgery was successful, and he's been seizure-free for 4 years. He has no cognitive issues from the surgery, and is a hopeless romantic (so it's not like he's emotionless or anything, lol) but sad emotions are more difficult for him to convey physically, due to his brain surgery. Verbally, he will admit that he's sad, but he doesn't show it in a physical way as often as I do, other than hugging me and telling me it will be ok, or stating that he's upset about it.

Sometimes, it's hard for men to convey the same emotions that we do. DH & I had a loss a while ago, which I don't talk about often because it's still difficult for me, but it hit both of us hard. It is still hard for both of us, but he doesn't cry about it anymore. He did for a while after it happened, but he began healing from it sooner than I did.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way. If you need more support, try telling him that you'd appreciate it if he'd be more understanding of your grief. Even if he's not showing that he's as upset about it as you are, he may still be grieving in his own way. It may be difficult for him to talk about it. Try not to take it as a lack of grief - rather a difference of grief, if that makes sense.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss and I am keeping you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers.