really worried about DD

i separated from her dad back in October because he strangled me, he did this in front of the children then ran a way for a week, since then she developed a stutter fast forward to the end of January and i kick him out completely (she was at nursery at the point) after finding out he cheated on me, he changed and blocked all contact, even his parents are ignoring texts, my children havent seen their dad since he left and because of this DD started asking me "why does my daddy hate me", she is 3 years old i didnt think she knew the word hate, she was saying stuff like this until last week then out of the blue she walked up to another little girl at nursery and kicked her straight in the face and when she was collected she just said "i hate my dad" and since she kicked the poor girl her stutter has stopped, its like she took all her frustration out on her, i never bad mouth her dad in front of her, we actually sit a talk about him if she asked questions, today she asked why he has gone away and i didnt know what to say as i didnt want to tell her the truth

Tell her the truth! Kid-appropriate of course, but I think she's old enough to understand "Daddy is not a very good daddy or a very good husband, and he was mean and I didn't want him to be mean to you so he can't be your daddy unless he is nice."

Sounds like she might need to talk to a professional honestly.

I'm sorry she's going through that, and that you are, too. You don't have to tell her the truth yet, but don't ignore her question. You can tell her that you and her dad have decided not to be together, but that doesn't mean he hates her. If you don't know why he doesn't contact her, tell her that, too,. Let her know that you can see that she's mad and hurt, and it's okay to be mad and hurt, but she can't hurt other people. You could always take her to a therapist if you think talking to someone not connected to the situation would help, too.

i really dont want to tell her the truth as i dont want to be accused of bad mouthing him or brainwashing her, i have acknowledged her questions by saying everyone loves her and that i dont know why daddy went but im trying to find him for her (i keep messaging his parents to arrange contact but not getting a reply), i have told her if she feel upset or angry that she can always talk to her teacher, me or anyone else and that it is wrong to hurt someone.

how do i go about her seeing a therapist

Call her pediatrician and ask if they can suggest a child therapist. The pediatrician I take my kids to has one that they refer their patients to, so maybe your daughter's does, too.

     
This breaks my heart.

Quoting PurpleBama582:" Call her pediatrician and ask if they can suggest a child therapist. The pediatrician I take my kids to has one that they refer their patients to, so maybe your daughter's does, too. "

we dont have a set pediatrician here, you have to be referred to one, should i mention it to her doctor or health visitor

Quoting T + H = My World:" we dont have a set pediatrician here, you have to be referred to one, should i mention it to her doctor or health visitor "

her doctor

Quoting PurpleBama582:" her doctor"

ok thank you i will