re: You found your child masturbating D&D

Quoting one of each 4 me:" Granted my son is only 4 but if I see him playing with himself (he says it feels good) I tell him its okay just to do it when he's alone. I hope if I ever catch him later I will have the same attitude"

I always tell mine that it is a private activity to do when he is alone, and doing it around other people or in a public space is rude.

Quoting ☠Jenniefahhh:" How can asking why be sarcastic?? 6 and 8 are wayyy too young for the sex talk. My daughter is about to be 6. She's no where near ready for any sort of sex talk."

I just didn't think you were being serious. They are definitely not too young... and we don't talk directly about "sex" itself, I mean, I've never explained how the penis goes into the vagina, although I do think they have a general sense of that... but everything that comes with love and marriage and why privacy and intimacy are important. It all ties in. I want them to be able to ask me questions without feeling ashamed. They've also caught my husband and I in compromising situations, so to speak, and we've had to discuss that. Those things can't just be brushed under a rug, that's when they become shameful and taboo. My husband and I had some sexy pictures (implied nudity) taken by a friend and I recently printed a few out and put them in a frame in our room... the boys saw them and giggled and seemed embarassed, so we talked about it and I told them some day they would have wives that they will want to kiss and cuddle with that way and that it was ok.
My 8-yo masturbates (and he turned 8 just 3 days ago). Quite a bit. Caught him doing it in the bathtub the other day. Just told him to please shut the door next time so that I know not to just walk in. Shut doors = knocking in our house.

Quoting 3 little monsters:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs.Mud:</b>" Do I sense sarcasm? In this day and age, 13 is ... [snip!] ... come from talk and more on good touch bad touch. An 8 year old doesn't need to know the mechanics of sex and self pleasure IMO."

This is my point exactly. If other kids are talking to them about it (and let's not fool ourselves, kids ARE talking about it younger and younger these days), PARENTS need to be talking to them about it! We need to get correct information in their heads early.

Based on the responses here, I'm concerned for our society and concerned about the parenting that my child will be influenced by when she goes to the homes of others.
Of course masterbation is normal and kids looking at porn is normal. BUT, almost nobody is addressing the violation of trust so maybe there is a lack of rules about usage. and, nobody is addressing why a 13 y/o is watching the internet in private. Does nobody observe some parenting basics about having the computer in an area where you can see what is going on?
AND, few seem concerned with the vile, degrading and unrealistic (or TOO realistic) nature of some of the internet porn out there.

Quoting Mrs.Mud:" This is my point exactly. If other kids are talking to them about it (and let's not fool ourselves, ... [snip!] ... and younger these days), PARENTS need to be talking to them about it! We need to get correct information in their heads early."

     

And my son already knows about the mechanics of self pleasure. He is constantly playing with his penis and telling me its hard and that it feels good. I just tell him "do it in your room all you want. Its a private thing to do!" and off he scampers, hand still in pants.

Quoting TheNuge:" Based on the responses here, I'm concerned for our society and concerned about the parenting that my ... [snip!] ... few seem concerned with the vile, degrading and unrealistic (or TOO realistic) nature of some of the internet porn out there."

My post covered both of those. Well, the first part (trust and internet usage) was deleted when BG finished loading and I guess I forgot to put it back.

My niece is 15...lets just say that her borrowing my phone when I visited my mom (her grandma) made it VERY clear to me that my children will have VERY strict rules about internet usage, the amount of itme they can use the internet, and using the internet only on the "family" computer where it can be monitored.

My 15 year old niece was sending string-bikini pics to 20+ year old men. Her entire FB account is ALL grown men. she left her FB open on my phone, so I took it to her Dad and was like 'this is your daughter's OTHER facebook account. just so you know" so that he could sit down with her and explain to her why doing these things is bad.

Quoting TheNuge:" Based on the responses here, I'm concerned for our society and concerned about the parenting that my ... [snip!] ... few seem concerned with the vile, degrading and unrealistic (or TOO realistic) nature of some of the internet porn out there."

Amen to all of this! I didn't actually post a response to the original post... I started too, but got distracted. lol My children will not have a computer in their rooms. We may negotiate a tv when they are older. Internet porn will absolutely not be allowed. There is too much sick smurf out there. Masturbation is normal, sure, but allowing our young teens to view internet pornography is certainly not. Children and young teens masturbate because it feels good, not because they are actually sexualizing themselves and porn would push them into a world of thoughts and images they are not ready for.

Quoting P Pickle Pants:" My post covered both of those. Well, the first part (trust and internet usage) was deleted when BG finished ... [snip!] ... OTHER facebook account. just so you know" so that he could sit down with her and explain to her why doing these things is bad."

This is how it will be for my son, as well. He will know that any internet activity may at any time be monitored and checked up on. I choose to give him the benefit of the doubt, and trust him, but he will understand that at any time, privilege can be revoked for violating my trust, and at any time, I might be checking into it.

Quoting P Pickle Pants:" My post covered both of those. Well, the first part (trust and internet usage) was deleted when BG finished ... [snip!] ... OTHER facebook account. just so you know" so that he could sit down with her and explain to her why doing these things is bad."

My neighbors have a very good 13 y/o girl. They have lots of rules including consequences if they see that she has erased her history.
They are VERY repsonible and realistic about what kids do. My LO can go there any time!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" This is how it will be for my son, as well. He will know that any internet activity may at any time ... [snip!] ... understand that at any time, privilege can be revoked for violating my trust, and at any time, I might be checking into it."</blockquote>


But what if it's too late by the time you check in? The benefit of doubt is really nice but it's not like some really disturbing smurf is hard to find. You can click on any porn website and see things that would be extremely disturbing to someone just discovering their sexual nature. Simulated rape porn, animated tentacle porn, beastiality, bondage, any number of things. Do you really want to have to explain that to your child and deal with any feelings they have after watching it? It's not like they would have to look it up specifically, those links are on a lot of porn sites and it's probably going to be even more accessible by the time our kids are older. The benefit of doubt is a nice thought but you can't give them free range and expect they won't stumble across it even innocently.

Quoting 3 little monsters:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" This is how it will be for my son, as ... [snip!] ... benefit of doubt is a nice thought but you can't give them free range and expect they won't stumble across it even innocently."

So what do you or will you do when the time comes for kids to access and explore the net?

Quoting 3 little monsters:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" This is how it will be for my son, as ... [snip!] ... benefit of doubt is a nice thought but you can't give them free range and expect they won't stumble across it even innocently."

If he stumbles across it, then we deal with it. I am not afraid of that discussion.

It isn't like he's just going to be left to his own devices on the internet, but there comes a point where you, after you've instilled your values and your expectations, and taught them how to be safe and responsible, that you also give them a chance to live up to it. As he gets older, he will get more freedom, directly related to his maturity and his ability to regulate his own behavior.

He will know long before he is left alone with the internet, what a porn website is, how to avoid it, and that he will lose his internet access if he goes there.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheNuge:</b>" So what do you or will you do when the time comes for kids to access and explore the net?"</blockquote>




Talk about it before he is given free access when he is at an age he knows himself better. It would depend a lot on individual maturity but I might just decide you can have free range on the Internet when you move out. 13 is way to young to have free range of Internet porn.

I definitely wouldn't buy him any pornographic material and support his continuation of watching/viewing porn, but I would never shame my son for masturbating because it is not disgusting and I hope he never feels ashamed to touch himself.

At 13, using our computer (as he wouldn't have his own being that young) to look at or download porn would not be acceptable. I wouldn't ban him from the internet, but my trust in him would be shaken and I would monitor what he viewed (though I'm sure I would already be doing that because of his age).

I can't protect him from it forever (nor do I have a right to once he's grown), but at 13, he's still a child and doesn't need to be looking at porn.