Am i wrong?

i basically loathe SIL. she lived with us for over a yr in '09, and she did A LOT of shaddy smurf (i won't bore you with all the details). Anyway, talked to her a few times on fb after she moved but haven't since. DH still talks to her now and she recently found out she's pregnant. well, the 2+ yrs she's been gone, she hasn't had any interest in talking to me. we don't get along at all. Suddenly, now that she's pregnant, she thinks we should "just squash it" for the baby. My pregnancy went ignored by her and she didn't even acknowledge DD's existence till i messaged her about DD (she knew through her friends but never said anything to DH). She's extremely self absorbed too.

anyway, i'll get to my point. a friend of hers, that's friends with DH added me on FB. she asked if i talk to SIL and i said no. she said "well, i told K that you guys should just squash that smurf for the baby. it's not fair to C because you guys put him in the middle". i just told her "he's not in the middle. he can talk to her all he wants, that's his sister and i totally respect that, but i don't have to talk to her". everyone keeps bringing up that she's DD's aunt and DH's sister, that she's family.. but why do i have to have anything to do with her? they're making me seem like a bitch or mean person for not "being there for her" for her pregnancy. (not like she was there for mine!)

i even told DH yesterday that if he wanted, he could Skype SIL so that she can see/talk to DD.

I don't think you're wrong. If you don't want to talk to her, but aren't keeping your DH from talking to her or letting DD talk to her, I don't see a problem.

I don't see anything wrong with you not wanting anything to do with your SIL as long as you aren't trying to keep your DH from contacting her or whatever. I mean I do not care too much for my DH's family, especially his mom so I don't talk to them or go around them unless I HAVE to but I don't try to keep him from talking to his family. I have people tell me I shouldn't be that way and I always tell them I married DH, not his momma, daddy, sister, brother, or whoever. As long as you aren't keeping them from talking to their family, I see nothing wrong with you not wanting anything to do with SIL. You avoid unwanted tension and drama that way.

I don't get along with my SIL, and I have nothing to do with her. Why should I be unhappy and uncomfortable? For what reason? My dh doesn't care for her either, but in your situation, you shouldn't be forced into a relationship with her. Honestly, I would as my husband, if I were in that situation, what HE wants. Chances are he won't want you to have a fake relationship with her and will probably support how you feel.

I don't think your wrong necessarily since it's your choice who you talk with and like PP said, you are not forcing your DH to stop talking to her but I don't think it would hurt to talk to her and go get coffee or something. Pregnancy can change people and make them realize that they need to change their priorities.

Quoting PurpleBama582:" I don't think you're wrong. If you don't want to talk to her, but aren't keeping your DH from talking to her or letting DD talk to her, I don't see a problem. "

honestly, i'd rather her have NOTHING to do with DD. she's a horrible influence, but seeing as DH doesn't have a lot of family, esp on his dad's side, i want DD to know as much of her family as she can. and how much damage can someone in a whole other state with a state between us do? lol

IDK I think I would try and give her another chance, maybe she is growing up and getting pregnant made her realize she needs to stop the petty BS. I wouldn't become her new BFF but maybe thaw the ice a little.

I don't think you're in the wrong. Every one is entitled to their own feelings & emotions. I'm in a similar situation with one of my SIL. i cant stand her. Dh cant either really. But they talk at get togethers & she'll text him every now & again. She's really hateful & rude to me (like at this last Thanksgiving she had the nerve to point out all the differences in our son who was then only 2 weeks old & made it sound like he wasn't his) so i just ignore her. She looks like an idiot when i give her nothing to be bitchy about. After she makes an ass of herself dh just tells her to stfu with that crap  

Quoting pilot Jess:" I don't get along with my SIL, and I have nothing to do with her. Why should I be unhappy and uncomfortable? ... [snip!] ... what HE wants. Chances are he won't want you to have a fake relationship with her and will probably support how you feel."

he says he'd like for us to get along but he knows mine and SIL's tempers, and the chances of arguments are high so he's not pushing it.

Quoting Draco'sStalker:" i basically loathe SIL. she lived with us for over a yr in '09, and she did A LOT of shaddy smurf (i won't ... [snip!] ... like she was there for mine!) i even told DH yesterday that if he wanted, he could Skype SIL so that she can see/talk to DD."

She does seem pretty self absorbed. If she really cared about 'squashing smurf' for the sake of family she would have done it when you had your DD. What about her parents? Does she have a SO? Maybe she's scared of being alone now that she is pregnant.

Is there any chance she's matured and changed since you guys had issues? Has she apologized or made any attempt to talk to you or did she just send her friend in to do the dirty work?
I ask because when my BIL moved in with us, we developed some issues and I was a huge bitch to him in response to some smurf he did to me. After I had DS, we realized we'd both grown up and didn't really hate each other, now that we weren't living together. We're not BFF's, by any means, but it's nice that there's no bad blood.

I think you'll forgive her when you're ready. Hopefully she grows up and learns how to be selfless, especially for her child. You feel how you feel, you're not bothering anyone except for your SIL ....and she did it to herself lol

Quoting NICKEL☮POLIS:" She does seem pretty self absorbed. If she really cared about 'squashing smurf' for the sake of family ... [snip!] ... when you had your DD. What about her parents? Does she have a SO? Maybe she's scared of being alone now that she is pregnant."

her mother passed away from cancer years ago, and her dad lives up here. she has a bunch of friends that she calls her family though and they've all got kids so i can't figure out what help she expects from me. her SO lives with her as far as i know.

Quoting VeggieBurglar:" Is there any chance she's matured and changed since you guys had issues? Has she apologized or made ... [snip!] ... hate each other, now that we weren't living together. We're not BFF's, by any means, but it's nice that there's no bad blood."

see i didn't get along with BIL either but since he's moved out, we have nothing to fight about.

i really don't think she's matured, i don't think she has the ability to. when i was about 6 months pregnant, their grandfather was dying and all he wanted was to talk to her one last time and she couldn't be bothered to call him.

and i think apologies are due to me, DH and BIL and none of us will get one. i know as for me, if she apologized to me, she'd expect an apology back, and she won't get one because i did nothing wrong