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~*December*~

433 posts

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posted 12th Mar

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I have 2 kids & live in Minnesota

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::Nikki::2500 posts

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posted 12th Mar

#1 Guys watching porn is normal
#2 How does he get defensive about his phone? Are you trying to go through it or something? Because that is a big no-no
#3 How long have you two been dating?
#4 I probably would have waited until the divorce was finalized before jumping in to another relationship--especially if it meant that my kids would be around him, that is probably very confusing for them

quote smurfs?

I have 1 child & live in Arkansas

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Nic0le152196 posts

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posted 12th Mar

This is a hard one, were you even mad he was looking at the porn or is that something your ok with? Sometimes people are defensive about their phones when their is personal things they write to their friends that if you saw would embarrass him.

quote smurfs?

I live in ?

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kate & tilly

3510 posts

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posted 12th Mar

Have you been to therapy? I would suggest starting there. There are a lot of issues that you are going to have to work thru by yourself. But if he is good to you and your children I see no reason to break it off right now unless you feel that it is in everyone involveds best interest.

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I have 1 child & live in Greenville, South Carolina

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TmA's mommy

1606 posts

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posted 12th Mar

I personally don't think porn is a big deal but the phone is. My ex was like that and I found out he had been cheating for years. There is no reason to be defensive or hide a phone unless your hiding something.

quote smurfs?

I have 1 child & 2 angel babies & live in South Carolina

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Kelly&Coralie

50601 posts

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posted 12th Mar

WHy would you think that you have any right to go through his phone? And who cares if he looks at porn?

I think you might not be ready for a relationship yet

quote smurfs?

I have 1 child & live in Rochester, New York

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Little Bit's Momma

7406 posts

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posted 12th Mar

Well getting mad over porn is just silly. If you think that means you can't trust him bc he watched porn...then I think YOU need to work some things out with YOU. How are you going about his phone? Demanding to see it? Trying to be sneaky and go through it? I'd get pissy too if someone was acting like that towards me as well.

Not saying this guy may be totally in the clear but did you work through all YOUR issues before getting into another relationship?

quote smurfs?

I'm due October 22nd, have 1 child & 2 angel babies & live in North Richland Hills, Texas

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~*December*~

433 posts

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posted 12th Mar

****Deleted*

quote

I have 2 kids & live in Minnesota

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Kelly&Coralie

50601 posts

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posted 12th Mar

Quoting ~*December*~:" I'm on the fence about if i'm ok with the porn watching or not. I feel like it make me unattractive to ... [snip!] ... did go to some therapy before me and my husband seperated and it helped me learn to communicate better, but that was about it. "

How long have you been with your SO?

I get pissy when I'm on my phone and anyone asks me what I am looking it.

Why do you have to know what he is looking at?

quote smurfs?

I have 1 child & live in Rochester, New York

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Munchkin Maker

593 posts

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posted 12th Mar

I went through the exact same situation. EXACT.
My SO now is absolutely fantastic, at first he was the same with his phone. I expressed to him the severity of my trust issues, and made it clear that it was MY ISSUE and not him. He now leaves his phone with me during day, doesn't care if i go through it, and I have his facebook password. At first I checked his FB and phone DAILY. Over time, you'll see nothing is going on and eventually your trust issues will work themselves out.
Although with the past, the abuse and all that, my SO and I have discussed me going to counseling or anger management after our LO is born. Just to resolve some inner issues. I NEVER had issues with anger or anything before the abusive relationship. And my anger really only comes out once in a blue moon, and its ALWAYS directed toward my SO. I've never been violent or anything like that, but I yell and that's not in character for me.
It's something you may want to look into, especially once you recognize it's an issue within yourself. It could save your relationship.

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I'm due June 9th (a girl), have 1 child & live in Maryland

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~*December*~

433 posts

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posted 12th Mar

****Deleted**

quote

I have 2 kids & live in Minnesota

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Munchkin Maker

593 posts

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posted 12th Mar

Quoting ~*December*~:" Wow, this is insane...I know what you're talking about. I used to be a really calm collected person...now ... [snip!] ... on it has changed or has been suspiscious. Have you gone to therapy or anger management to help? And if you did, has it?"

I haven't done counseling or anger management yet, only because I want to wait until after I have LO in June. If that makes sense. I'm definitely going after I have LO though, because I know this is something that won't just "resolve itself". You know. My SO has been unbelievably patient with me.

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I'm due June 9th (a girl), have 1 child & live in Maryland

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Munchkin Maker

593 posts

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posted 12th Mar

Quoting ~*December*~:" Wow, this is insane...I know what you're talking about. I used to be a really calm collected person...now ... [snip!] ... on it has changed or has been suspiscious. Have you gone to therapy or anger management to help? And if you did, has it?"

quote

I'm due June 9th (a girl), have 1 child & live in Maryland

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Munchkin Maker

593 posts

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posted 12th Mar

Quoting ~*December*~:" Wow, this is insane...I know what you're talking about. I used to be a really calm collected person...now ... [snip!] ... on it has changed or has been suspiscious. Have you gone to therapy or anger management to help? And if you did, has it?"

quote

I'm due June 9th (a girl), have 1 child & live in Maryland

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~*December*~

433 posts

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posted 12th Mar

Quoting Munchkin Maker:" I haven't done counseling or anger management yet, only because I want to wait until after I have LO ... [snip!] ... because I know this is something that won't just "resolve itself". You know. My SO has been unbelievably patient with me."

Yea it makes sense to wait until after you have the baby so you can be more focused on what you're doing there.
I might think about doing this...to me it's a scary thought, but it can't hurt nothing to try it. I really do love/care about my SO and I think we do well together, and everything that I've been wondering and stressing about might just be me and my insecurities that were brought on by 4 years of abuse.
thanks for the advice, it was nice to connect with someone that had an idea of what I was talking about lol

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