feeling like a bad mom...

So I am beyond depressed(thankfully today was a great day but usally that means a bad day is coming up emotionally speaking) and my mom invited mt husband and I to come to faire (ren fest) for a day or camp the night this weekend all expenses paid and even giving us spending money and drinks and what not because dh and I dont even communicate other than "what did the nurses tell you?" Or "how are the kids?". And when I say depressed I dont mean I feel down I mean I dont want to get out of bed or even wake up.

Anyways ds is going to be in nicu at least another week and I was actualkt considering going for a day or day and night to faire. :-( its no firther from the hospital, ds is stable just not eating as much as they feed him so he has a ng tube and having slight apnea and he corrects it himself.

Am I a horrible mother for considering taking a small break from reality? My grandma is in town and her and my mom both had nicu babies and both really want me to go have a break.

Obviously its up in the air becauae of he gets worse or gets to come home I definitely wont go I am just looking for a "what would you do?" Do I stay home a worry and sink deeper into a depressed state or do I take the awesone offer of a sitter for my girls and all the money moms giving us and reconnect with dh?


Sorry that was so long and had so manh typos I am mobile and so tired!




And yes i am meeting with my dr about my depression but if some time connecting with dh can emotionally help get me normal i would rather do that over taking meds as i am breastfeeding.

I'd say go for it...it doesn't make you a horrible mom. If it'll cheer you up, then it'll end up benefiting your children as well.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BastiansMommy:</b>" I'd say go for it...it doesn't make you a horrible mom. If it'll cheer you up, then it'll end up benefiting your children as well."</blockquote>




I guess I just think I will be looked at as "omg she was happy and did stuff for herself and her baby is in nicu?!?!"

I mean it will be the first time since dh and I got married (2 yeara ago) that we can have just us time with actual adults. And I have lost a lot of weight and can finally make myself look nice.

Like I said if anything changes with lo we will not go but if all is the same I keep thinking it would be nice to skip out on reality for a bit.

Quoting It's a boy!!!!*3/27/13*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BastiansMommy:</b>" I'd say go for it...it doesn't make you ... [snip!] ... changes with lo we will not go but if all is the same I keep thinking it would be nice to skip out on reality for a bit."

I can understand (to an extent) what you mean. But your baby is gonna want a happy mommy and daddy, and a day away from reality might help that. It's not like you don't care about your children...you just need some you and DH time. That's nothing to feel guilty about.
You said it yourself, if things change for your LO, then it wouldn't even be a question, and you'd stay with him. But if things are looking like they're going to be okay with him, and he's stable...maybe a break from reality is in order. It might help you get out of your funk (not saying depression isn't real, believe me...) and there's no harm in that.
You can even take precautions so that you can know if something is going on with your LO

Tiffany, I'm sorry you are feeling down :-(

I know your girls will be taken care of, as do you-obviously.

Who gives a crap what anybody thinks? You can still see LO, as much as you have been. And the girls are big enough to spend a night away. You have a phone if anything happens. I personally wouldn't drink much just incase. But IMO you should go with DH and get away. It would be great for your entire family. You and your husband are the foundation and it's important to keep connected.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BastiansMommy:</b>" I can understand (to an extent) what you mean. But your baby is gonna want a happy mommy and daddy, and ... [snip!] ... me...) and there's no harm in that. You can even take precautions so that you can know if something is going on with your LO"</blockquote>




Yeah I am hoping this isnt real depression and just a funk cause those are easier to get out of!

Thank you! We call the nicu like 5 times a day and can finally go up more than once a day since my grandma is here to help.

Thank you so much for your advice!

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:</b>" Tiffany, I'm sorry you are feeling down :-( I know your girls will be taken care of, as do you-obviously. ... [snip!] ... away. It would be great for your entire family. You and your husband are the foundation and it's important to keep connected."</blockquote>




Yeah I am breastfeeding and get engorged way fast so staying sober enough to pump is way important lol. Plus I think one glass of wine and I will be ready for bed!

I know it not like I am leaving the state and I mean I already went one whole day with out seeing jj cause I was hurting to bad and we got a bad storm but idk I guess I just had that annoying voice saying "your horrible how could you consider going?!"

Things between dh and I suck bad now. We dont even sleep in the same bed :-( but he said if I wanted to go then he will go also so hopefully we can turn this around cause I hate us being like this!

<blockquote><b>Quoting It's a boy!!!!*3/27/13*:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:</b>" Tiffany, I'm sorry you are feeling ... [snip!] ... :-( but he said if I wanted to go then he will go also so hopefully we can turn this around cause I hate us being like this!"</blockquote>


Why aren't you sleeping in the same bed? I know you had a rough pregnancy and then the stress of an early delivery and the NICU. Hopefully, when JJ gets home and family life settles into a normal routine things will settle down and get back to a new normal. He'll probably get in a better mood when you two can have sexy time and connect physically too.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting It's a boy!!!!*3/27/13*:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... and get back to a new normal. He'll probably get in a better mood when you two can have sexy time and connect physically too."</blockquote>




Well when I got put on bes rest mom made up her office with a twin size bed and tv so I could sleep and all without having to be disturbed my annoying siblings lol. Then dh started working and was gone 4 days straight for work so I just like moved into the office and it stuck ans now he is used to having "our bed" to himself and now I am paranoid and have the girls sleep with me (mom says its me filling the void of not having jj here).

I know once he is home everything will be so much better I just hope thats soon!

First of all, thinking about taking a break from spending every waking minute in the NICU does NOT make you a bad mom. I also had a NICU baby and I know exactly what you mean with the depression. It's the hardest thing I ever had to go through. That being said, I took two breaks while she was in there (she was in for a month). The hospital she had to go was 3 hours away because the one in my town doesn't have a NICU. Me and my SO stayed in a hospitality house and just being away from my family and friends made it about ten times worse, I think. So me and SO went home for two weekends during her stay. It was very nice seeing all of my family and friends, and just getting away from reality for a couple of days. Other then the two weekends we went home, we were in the NICU for like 12 hours a day, and the rest of our time was spent in the hospitality house. And of course, we called everyday to see how she was doing and if anything would have taken a turn for the worse we would have driven back up that minute. So, I definitely think you and your DH should take a small break, clear your heads, get some of your emotional health back, and enjoy yourselves.

I know you're going through a hard time right now. Just remember that before you know it, your baby will come home with you and this will just be a distant memory. I know it seems like your LO is going to be in there forever, but they won't be and you'll have a lifetime with them. Good luck, hun, I hope you get to bring LO home soon and I hope that you get help with your depression.

<blockquote><b>Quoting CaityCakes:</b>" First of all, thinking about taking a break from spending every waking minute in the NICU does NOT make ... [snip!] ... a lifetime with them. Good luck, hun, I hope you get to bring LO home soon and I hope that you get help with your depression."</blockquote>




Thank you! I didnt get to stay in thw hospitality room as they were full :-( healing from this c section has been so much worse than my last :-(

I am a lot better about him being there but I dont sleep cause I just want him and I am always thinking about what he is doing and if he had an episode.

I am just ready to have him home. He will be two weeks on thursday.

Quoting It's a boy!!!!*3/27/13*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting CaityCakes:</b>" First of all, thinking about taking a break ... [snip!] ... thinking about what he is doing and if he had an episode. I am just ready to have him home. He will be two weeks on thursday."

The place we stayed at was like a block away from the hospital. It was a hotel/hospitality house and they let you stay there for free. Really nice rooms, a kitchen where you can cook all your food, friendly people. It was a life saver, I don't know what we would have done with out it. Even the hospital hospitality rooms were like 10 dollars a night, which isn't that much but it adds up.

My physical recovery went really well, I had her naturally, it was the emotional recovery that took forever. I'm glad I didn't have to get a c-section, I can imagine that would make things worse. And I know what you mean, I constantly worried about her when I wasn't there and hardly got any sleep at all. Sometimes we would go there at 3 in the morning just to see her and watch her sleep haha.

I know you're ready, I really hope he gets to come home with you soon!

<blockquote><b>Quoting CaityCakes:</b>" The place we stayed at was like a block away from the hospital. It was a hotel/hospitality house and ... [snip!] ... the morning just to see her and watch her sleep haha. I know you're ready, I really hope he gets to come home with you soon!"</blockquote>




I think thats why I am suffering so bad now cause I didnt get to hold him till 8 hours after my surgery. As soon as the nurse said I could get out of bed I was walking baxk and forth between my room and nicu(a terribly long walk). I think I over did it.

Thank you. He isnt my first preemie but he is my first nicu baby. Its no fun!

Quoting It's a boy!!!!*3/27/13*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting CaityCakes:</b>" The place we stayed at was like a block away ... [snip!] ... terribly long walk). I think I over did it. Thank you. He isnt my first preemie but he is my first nicu baby. Its no fun!"

Yeah, you definitely don't want to overexert yourself right after a c-section. I understand completely why you did though.

You're welcome  ..it's no fun at all, but like I said soon enough it will just be a distant memory.