Adopting a stepchild

SO and I have been talking lately. We're not ready yet but he's brought up a few times that if we do get married that he wants to adopt LO. BD isn't completely out of the picture, but I honestly think (and so does a lot of people) that LO would be better off without BD. He's in LO's life when it's convenient or if he can drop him off with family. He doesn't pay child support unless the court is threatening him to go to jail. He's violent, he broke my jaw right before I got pregnant. He has assault charges and a DUI. He'll go months without seeing or even asking about LO. He's mentally unstable for anything right now. I know in a few years he'll probably just stop paying even if it means he'll go to jail.

I feel so bad for LO to know his dad is like that. It bothers SO a lot too. He's seen friends go through similar situations and doesn't want that for LO. He wants to take him in as his own. SO always planned for 2 kids but he said he already has one because of LO.

In the future, how hard would it be if SO would want to adopt LO?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Noneya Business:</b>" SO and I have been talking lately. We're not ready yet but he's brought up a few times that if we do ... [snip!] ... for 2 kids but he said he already has one because of LO. In the future, how hard would it be if SO would want to adopt LO?"</blockquote>

It would either require the courts deeming BD unfit and terminating his rights or BD voluntarily signing over his rights

you either have to go to court to get his rights taken away or he has to sign them over. if you get his rights taken away has your los father than it wont be to hard

hard. you have to terminate the fathers rights which takes money and lots of paperwork or he has to willingly sign documents saying he terminates his rights.

I am in the same boat except now BD is in the army and threatwns me with JAG even though he hasnt seen my son for 3 years

The father would have to give up his rights or you would have to go to court to try to get his rights terminated.

My boyfriend has also said he wAnts to adopt my son when we get married, but my son's father isn't on the birth certificate, paternity has never been established, I have never filed for child support, and I have only seen BD once since I was 13 weeks pregnant. But in both my situation and yours, the judge will ultimately rule for the best interest of the child.

Hard. It will take a lot to get his rights terminated even if he has tried to kill you. My mother & father have had this same issue going on for years. If you don't have more proof than your say so about his parenting then they will not terminate his rights. The easiest way to get it done would be to see if he will sign his rights over. If not, your in for a very long run with paperwork, money & court visits to get this done

Her father is in her life. It won't happen.

She deserves to have her real father in her life if he wants to be. And you allow him to be so clearly he's not the monster you've depicted.

Your SO doesn't need to adopt her to treat her like his daughter.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ::Nikki:::</b>" My boyfriend has also said he wAnts to adopt my son when we get married, but my son's father isn't on ... [snip!] ... was 13 weeks pregnant. But in both my situation and yours, the judge will ultimately rule for the best interest of the child."</blockquote>


You could get into quite a bit of trouble if you don't still have the biological father sign his rights over.

Since he's in her life in some capacity, it more than likely will not happen. You have to get his rights terminated and what that means in the eyes of the law is, he never had, nor ever will have any connection to her whatsoever. They are not Father and Daughter, nor can they ever be again.

So, it takes a whole Helluva lot more than what he's done to get rights terminated.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~The Lunar Flower~:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ::Nikki:::</b>" My boyfriend has also said he wAnts to adopt ... [snip!] ... You could get into quite a bit of trouble if you don't still have the biological father sign his rights over."</blockquote>



I have talked with a lawyer about it. If he is not listed on the putative father registry and I print in the newspaper so many times that my son is to be adopted and give him a chance to dispute it I'm fine. But really, I haven't seen him in nearly 3 years and he is now married with a baby on the way--since he never bothered telling his family about the pregnancy and his wife has no idea, I have a feeling that getting him to sign his rights over wont be too difficult.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ::Nikki:::</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~The Lunar Flower~:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... about the pregnancy and his wife has no idea, I have a feeling that getting him to sign his rights over wont be too difficult."</blockquote>



Don't you also have to serve with with legal notice?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ::Nikki:::</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~The Lunar ... [snip!] ... him to sign his rights over wont be too difficult."</blockquote> Don't you also have to serve with with legal notice?"</blockquote>

Not if you don't have access to an address. The last contact I had with him was in 2010 when he asked for a paternity test via text message--I messaged him back and never heard from him again.

Quoting ::Nikki:::" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ::Nikki:::</b>" ... [snip!] ... with him was in 2010 when he asked for a paternity test via text message--I messaged him back and never heard from him again."

I'm wondering if it's different in different areas. I lived in Michigan and the legal advice I got was that I would have to make a "diligent effort" in finding Bio Dad. Simply putting an ad in a newspaper a few times wasn't going to cut it for them there.

Quoting Red Bottom:" Her father is in her life. It won't happen. She deserves to have her real father in her life if he ... [snip!] ... him to be so clearly he's not the monster you've depicted. Your SO doesn't need to adopt her to treat her like his daughter."

He doesn't want to be in his life. He only pays child support because he has to. He didn't pay since February last year. Because he's on probation for the assault charges and now the DUI while on probation they wouldn't have had his number to take him to court. He won't sign over his rights just to spite everyone because no one "helped" him when he needed it. I forced him to see LO the few times he did take him. He doesn't even have a place to take LO anymore.