I don't spank them, get over it!

My parents raised my sister and I a lot different than I do my girls. I think it bothers them that I don't spank my girls, usually my mom will just say something like "pat her on the butt or thigh" like that will make them listen when they aren't listening. My dad speaks his mind though, and has basically criticized how I handle things when they aren't listening. Even my 18 year old sister who still needs to grow up and gave my parents ten times the hell I ever did, says quite often that I need to just "bust their little assess" when they do something bad.

I love how they are all under the impression that I need help or advice in disciplining my children. My mom tells my sister constantly that I don't need her help and that is not her place to tell my older two what to and what not to do...but then even she will say things hinting I should spank to make them listen. I'm not comfortable with it and the times that I have done it because I was less educated and felt pressured to, all it did was escalate the situation and hurt theirs and my own feelings. My husband doesn't see anything wrong with spanking but then again he's more of a closed minded person and lets others (usually people close to him) influence his own opinions. He'd never admit to that but I think I know him better than he knows himself sometimes.

Recently we had a small dispute about it and I actually got through to him about it and I think he sees my side of it better now. I swear if I wasn't so good with words and helping others see another perspective, DH and I would probably have split long ago. I'm not so outspoken to certain people though, like my parents and especially my dad (he's the main reason I'm so emotionally fragile, he was military and loud, mean, and the opposite of understanding). So I have a hard time telling them to butt out, I know my dad would have some smart ass remark to say if I spoke up and then I'd get angry and end up crying because I'm an emotional wreck.

Our oldest is almost 4 and special needs, she's just behind due to a tiny piece of a chromosome missing. She is mostly behind in speech so she only has a handful of words and cannot use sentences yet. Our middle child is turning two in less than a month and isn't saying more than a few words so the older two aren't even at the point of communicating well enough for complete understanding between us all.

I know this was extremely long but I had to get it out, is anyone else dealing with this or something similar?

first off, let me say this..i completely understand...

my dad was loud, and very FORCEFUL with his disciplining. I refuse to raise my daughter or other children when i have more, the way he raised me and my siblings. Him "spanking" me only made me resent him and wish i stayed living with my mom. She didnt spank me at all, but grounded me and took things away..and i listened to her and did what i was told..my dad used to spank me for having a 74 in school...and took away "second servings" at dinner, made me clean the house by myself (mind you i had 4 other siblings in the house). I was so locked up in my house all the time, i never got to experience the "teenage years" i was grounded for every little thing, and he did the same with the other two oldest ones...well needless to say, he still has two sorta little ones (ages 11 and 9) and he doesnt spank them or ground them like he did me and 15 year old brother or my 17 year old sister..i will not scream at my daughter the way he screamed at me. I REFUSE to be the kind of parent he was...
so i agree with you 150%.
good luck with the family  

I respect your choice to not spank your children, particularly due to the fact that they can't communicate extremely well at this point. However, saying that your husband does believe in spanking and grouping it with being close minded, is kind of wrong. Not everyone who spanks is close minded, or lets others influence their opinions. Some parents find that it works, others don't think it does, and each child is different, where one might respond well with it, another might not.

I do think your parents need to respect your personal parenting choices, though, and you have to be strong enough to tell them that. I had to do it with my grandparents. It's not easy telling the people who raised you that you are raising your children in a different manner, particularly if you've turned out well. To your parents, it might come across as if you're saying "You screwed me up so I'm doing things completely different."

Quoting PurpleBama582:" I respect your choice to not spank your children, particularly due to the fact that they can't communicate ... [snip!] ... well. To your parents, it might come across as if you're saying "You screwed me up so I'm doing things completely different." "

Oh I didn't mean that anyone who spanks is close minded or is influenced by others. I was saying that I believe the reason my husband was so okay with it is because HE in fact is that way...about a lot of things lol. So since he was spanked he sees nothing wrong with it.

Quoting Kyleigh'sMommy12:" first off, let me say this..i completely understand... my dad was loud, and very FORCEFUL with his disciplining. ... [snip!] ... the way he screamed at me. I REFUSE to be the kind of parent he was... so i agree with you 150%. good luck with the family  "

Thank you, lady! Good on you for being strong and a good mother.

Quoting W.W.:" Oh I didn't mean that anyone who spanks is close minded or is influenced by others. I was saying that ... [snip!] ... with it is because HE in fact is that way...about a lot of things lol. So since he was spanked he sees nothing wrong with it. "

I was spanked growing up, too, but only as a last resort, or if I had done something REALLY bad, so that's where I stand on spanking. Even then, I avoid it when I can.

Quoting PurpleBama582:" I was spanked growing up, too, but only as a last resort, or if I had done something REALLY bad, so that's where I stand on spanking. Even then, I avoid it when I can. "

I can understand that, and I have spanked them over something they did that could really hurt them. It doesn't work though, not for them.

Omg.. Monica of all people needs to shut her damn face. She should've gotten her ass beat so many times.
I love that you don't fall into our families smurf and choose to spank. I felt awful when I spanked my kids, I have resorted to time outs and taking priveleges. Which is working quite well.
If you need me cuz, I'm here. 700 miles away but still here.

Quoting *Anners*:" Omg.. Monica of all people needs to shut her damn face. She should've gotten her ass beat so many times. ... [snip!] ... to time outs and taking priveleges. Which is working quite well. If you need me cuz, I'm here. 700 miles away but still here."

Thanks cousin!! Lurve youuu!

same boat don't really like spanking, but will as a very last resort. husband believes in spanking for almost everything. people make me feel like a terrible parent because I want spank. I ignore the little things, and pick my battles. My dd does throw fits sometimes but I find if I ignore it. She will stop and goes on with what she is doing. My husband feels as though dd should obey his every word. Yeah ok!!!!!!! I'm with you mama you are not alone...