having a hard time.

Ds was on day 4 of no apnea and then he had an episode. I am just broken. We were so close to having him home.

I cant stop blaming myself. My one job was to make a healthy baby and I couldnt do it :-( I feel like the worst mom ever because my body couldnt do it and thats why he is where he is.

I just feel awful I just want to sleep and not get up. I want my family together I want to hold my son whenever I want. I want to stop hurting.

I didnt go see him yesterday because emotionally I was a mess. And there was supposed to be a terrible storm which never hit :-/

Im awful because I love my son with all my heart and want to be there every minute of the day but I just dont want to get out of bed and face life.

Sorry thats long and all over the place my thoughts are everywhere.

Hugs hun. Itsnot your fault. Its hard not to blame yourelf when things go wrong with your kids. I hope he gets strong super soon so he can come home. Hugs

Quoting It's a boy!!!!*3/27/13*:" Ds was on day 4 of no apnea and then he had an episode. I am just broken. We were so close to having ... [snip!] ... day but I just dont want to get out of bed and face life. Sorry thats long and all over the place my thoughts are everywhere."

i'm sorry you're feeling this way.
it's not your fault! you'll be a great mom, your parenting journey is just beginning.

i know how you feel, i was in the same spot. my twin bebes were born at 32 weeks and spent 4 weeks at NICU. Some days seemed like nothing was changing!
but of course they did come home. and so will your baby. and it will be the happiest day of your life, 100%. And you'll get to start parenting, and before you know it, this will all be a distant memory.
just try to hang in there a little longer, and take good care of yourself. that's the most important thing you can do for your baby right now.
i ran myself so ragged while they were at NICU that I got super sick ON THE DAY they came home.
you don't want that, trust me. get some sleep, and eat well.