Introducing his father at four years old?

DS and I are going to meet his father and some of his family for the first time today.

He's four. It's going to be father, his aunt, two cousins, and his half sister. His sister is four months younger than him!   & His cousins are six and eight.

We're all VERY excited ( so excited we decided to meet up an hour earlier) but we all want to take things slow.

How slow would you take it? What kind of things would you do, activity/meetings wise? Have you ever been in the same boat as we are? How did it work out for you?

He has daughter every weekend and sometimes a week at a time so I'm not really worried about him bailing.

Personally, I wouldn't introduce him as his father, I would let them meet first and get to know each other then gradually tell him over time. Why wasn't he around earlier?

I might not introduce him to ALL those people at once, depending on how they act, it may be overwhelming if they're all smothering him in hugs and passing him around, ya know? But since the plans are already made, they'd probably be pissed if you asked them not to come. Anyway, I have been in a similar boat. DD1's dad has been in and out, with long periods of being out. She went to see him a couple months before turning 4, and since DH has been the only Dad she's known since she was 9 months, so we knew it was going to be hard for her to grasp. We told her before taking her that she has another Daddy, and that she's be spending a little time at her other Daddy's house today. She is extremely friendly and sociable, not shy at all. It was a little awkward dropping her off, but she seemed perfectly fine with it. More awkward for me I guess. Anyway, when we picked her up, her Dad and Grammy(BD's Mom) said she had a lot of fun and was good. And DD1 said she had fun when we were driving home and asking what she did and what she thought. It turned out fine.
Until now since he saw her for 3 months on hi weekends and now he's a no-show again. Eh, he'll be taking me to court before she goes back over there again. But he IS the kind of come in and out, so I'm not going to let him do it again. Way I see it, you're IN or you're OUT. He made his choice.

Quoting Momma x 2:" Personally, I wouldn't introduce him as his father, I would let them meet first and get to know each other then gradually tell him over time. Why wasn't he around earlier?"

 

My son is almost 4 & his father has never really been involved, he's seen him a few times, but I would never allow him to see him again. There's a reason his father wasn't involved in his life this long & 4 years is a LONG time, & not something you can make up for. IMO anyway. I hope your LO doesn't get hurt in the end.

DD met her father for the first time when she was 3 (last year). He was in and out of prison her whole life. She knew he was her "daddy" because his family and myself showed her pictures of him. She was excited to see him at first but slowly got over it. He had DD for a week at his sister's house and then he left to go back home and hasn't seen her since. She also met her half brother for the first time in June of 2011 (they're about a year apart) and they knew they were brother and sister because his mother and I showed them pictures of each other. They absolutely LOVED each other and still do. Unfortunately his mother lives in a different state so we haven't seen each other since but we're very close and speak every day. We're seeing them again in July!  

I don't see why you shouldn't introduce him as his father, because that's what he is.

I would not introduce him to all those people at once. I would also not introduce him as the father. Tanner met his bio rather at almost 4 this year, but he doesn't know he is his father. And I don't intend to tell him.

Why has he been absent for 4 years?

Quoting Smartass *Preggo!*:" I would not introduce him to all those people at once. I would also not introduce him as the father. ... [snip!] ... almost 4 this year, but he doesn't know he is his father. And I don't intend to tell him. Why has he been absent for 4 years?"

Honey I love you but I completely agree with this. You dont want to overwhelm the kid.

OT--CONGRATS!

It would depend on the circumstances as to why the father wasnt involved in his life. If it was for a good reason then I can see being excited about it. If it was for a lame reason because he didnt want to be a father than I wouldnt be excited. Its a judgement call I guess.
What are the reasons for him not being there for 4 years?