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Sometimes it's best to get rid of people in your life space who aren't worth worrying about.

Quoting Devil's Advocate:" Sometimes it's best to get rid of people in your life space who aren't worth worrying about."

I did that... My father was out of my life for 7 years and we have been in contact for the last 3 years. We've lived an hour away for 2 years. I have been trying to bury the past away, forget about it... when I was without him for those 7 years I went crazy. It was either from my step mom making him choose between me or "his real family" in front me and him choosing her and then kicking me out... plus being a teenager didn't help at the time. I tried to forget, move on.. but I can't. I see the little things like me not being invited to special events that happen in my siblings life, to it taking a whole freaking month to come out and see my daughter. I don't know if I should write a letter... or what... and then cut off ties. I need closure. but I don't know how to get it.

I have a step mother like that. I recently went to Alabama to stay with them so I could see both of their parents before they die (one has cancer and the other has lung and kidney failure). While I was there I got chewed out and told I needed to grow up and that I needed to show unconditional love to them the way my sister does when she loans me money to make the trip to see them. I got told that the way I felt when I lost my son is the same way they are feeling about losing their parents (and my step dad only said that because he wasn't getting a reaction out of me with all of the other stuff he said). And the whole reason they did it is because they left me and my sister and brother alone with his mother while he and his wife went to see hers and when they came back they found me asleep because I laid down with my kids to get them to take a nap and fell asleep with them so they assumed I slept the whole time and didn't spend time with my grandmother. You know, I really don't know why I went all into detail but I know how you feel. It's like you can't do anything right. And then they all expect you to drop everything you're doing and be there for them and come see them knowing you have things to do and kids to care for and not a lot of money to fork out to make that trip.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥GarciaMommy:</b>" Okay, maybe not hate. But right now, I strongly dislike my family including the inlaws that live around ... [snip!] ... giving and strong. I AM AN AMAZING PERSON AND I REFUSE TO FEEL LESS THAN THAT. But why doesn't that make me feel better? Uh."</blockquote>




i feel the samw way. i was justing thinking this. my family doesnt give a smurf. my stepmom stopped talking to me cause im pregnant. im not close to any of my parents or brothers or sisters. i dont feel like i have really close friends anymore. i dont feel well liked. i dont understand ehy cause im a damn good person. im loving and caring and honest. i dont get it either and i feel im on a verge of a huge mental breakdown. you are not alone in this. i totally understand.

Quoting Mommy of 2 + 1 angel:" I have a step mother like that. I recently went to Alabama to stay with them so I could see both of their ... [snip!] ... them and come see them knowing you have things to do and kids to care for and not a lot of money to fork out to make that trip."

Yep. ... Uh. I still hurt. I think the issue with my dad still gets me. It's always lurked in the shadows, even though I thought it was over with and done... but it keeps being pushed to the forefront of my mind. So when i think of that I feel like I'm inadequate... then I can't even get any of my other family to come see me. So then it further makes me feel this way. UH...

Quoting ♥GarciaMommy:" I did that... My father was out of my life for 7 years and we have been in contact for the last 3 years. ... [snip!] ... I don't know if I should write a letter... or what... and then cut off ties. I need closure. but I don't know how to get it."

You make your own closure. I haven't had a relationship with either of my parents in years. You just learn to get through it and remember why you pushed them away to begin with.

Quoting Devil's Advocate:" You make your own closure. I haven't had a relationship with either of my parents in years. You just learn to get through it and remember why you pushed them away to begin with."

I feel like I should write them a well thought out letter... but I did that in highschool and she basically told me I was never going to see my father and siblings again. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................... WTF. Man. Why did I even forgive them. That is so smurfed up. To do to a teenager, that's in pain... and essentially going crazy.... wtf.

Quoting Devil's Advocate:" You make your own closure. I haven't had a relationship with either of my parents in years. You just learn to get through it and remember why you pushed them away to begin with."

exactly. My mother and I couldn't get along so I left when I was 18 years old. I was tired of being treated like a slave and being lied to on top of holding grudges for things she allowed to happen to me in the past (molesting, cigarette burns, bruises, etc. and not pressing charges when I spoke up about who was doing it to me). I have been on my own now for 9 years and she has NEVER been to my house. She comes into town but goes to her mom's or sister's house and expects me to drive over there. She calls me like 3 times a year. Actually she is doing a little better but only because I started calling her first. I did without my mom for about 8 years though because she only called me 1 or 2 times a year before last year. I think me keeping to myself for so long has opened her eyes a bit that she was pushing me away because she doesn't do the things she used to do to me anymore and she talks to me completely different like I am a person now.

be glad those smurfs dont come to your house

Quoting Mommy of 2 + 1 angel:" exactly. My mother and I couldn't get along so I left when I was 18 years old. I was tired of being ... [snip!] ... because she doesn't do the things she used to do to me anymore and she talks to me completely different like I am a person now."

Did you ever have a talk or any type of closure??

Step parents act like that because they are threatened by the past life of their new spouse. It is selfishness at it's finest and there is no room for that when you are raising a child. I know it's hard to do but cutting ties and burning the loose ends will feel better in the long run. You don't have to resolve their problems with you! Just know that it's their problem not yours and it says nothing about who you are but it does speak to who they are. I've had to leave my family behind a sever ties before. I'm thankful everything has worked out and we all love each other again. I understand how hard it is to leave family behind though. You just have to think of whats best for you mentally and emotionally so you can give your child what is best for them mentally and emotionally. Exposing them to grandparents who will play favorites and make you child feel inferior is simply not worth it, no matter how much pain it may cause you, it's about the child now. One of those cliche pictures everyone likes and shares on facebook fits this perfectly, "A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay you will keep hurting... If u walk away, you will hurt but eventually u will heal." - Autumn Kohler

Quoting Kathleen Louise:" Step parents act like that because they are threatened by the past life of their new spouse. It is selfishness ... [snip!] ... broken glass, if you stay you will keep hurting... If u walk away, you will hurt but eventually u will heal." - Autumn Kohler"

They have said sorry. This is how it went. "I'm so sorry" and that was the end of the conversation. I never said anything. She never was specific about it. Just sorry in general?? I thought it was no big deal. maybe she learned from it but I can see it's not the same. It's still different. I'm still on the back burner. This happened ten years ago and you would think I would have gotten over it but it was a huge part in my life. Will I ever get over this? Will I feel guilty for not talking to my father more when the end of his time here on earth comes? I have to look out for my kids. I just don't know exactly how to go about dealing with these feelings in a constructive way. Do I take them off FB? ... things like that.

Yes, you will feel guilty when his earthly life comes to an end. It's all because you love him though. The whole situation is very unfortunate but the best advice I can give is to do what makes you feel better. If seeing their posts on FB gets you upset or stressed, unsubscribe so you can't see them. You don't have to remove them completely unless it works best for you. The best way to deal with this constructively would be to sit them down and talk about it, even though you've tried that before, giving them one last chance before you decide what is best for you and your children. If that doesn't help the situation, try to change the way you're looking at it. Seeing things from a different angle may help you decide what is best as well. If there is no middle ground there won't be happiness. A lot of people don't realize that getting along with someone take just as much teamwork as running a household, for example. It's a tough situation to give advice for because strong feeling are involved. I'm sure you love your father unconditionally, but I'm sure you also feel resentment and regret towards the situation. Ultimately, you have to decide what is best for you and what will allow you to heal in the quickest and healthiest way. All of my best wishes to you and your children. I hope you find the answers you're searching for.