SO undermines my parenting. (vent)

I'm getting beyond tired of this smurf. I just caught DD playing in her poop. Again. I cleaned her and the mess up and she got a time out, then I put her back to bed. (Getting a time out is the only thing that works for the poop playing, she'll quit doing it for a while after she gets a time out.) Of course, she throws a tantrum because she doesn't want to go to bed. What does SO do? Goes right behind me saying, "Mommy's mean huh? Don't pay attention to her." He does this smurf ALL. THE. TIME. Not just about the poop, about everything. I get after her for getting into something she's not supposed to or give her time out for something like hitting/kicking/biting me or her sister and of course she always gets mad, what toddler LIKES time out? He ALWAYS tells her she can get up and that he's sorry I'm so mean, etc etc. Soooo smurfing tired of it. Like I seriously want to pull my hair out. She's never going to learn anything if he keeps undermining me and I'm sick to damn death of him telling her I'm "mean." I am not mean, someone has to discipline these kids, it's not like I enjoy it nor do I enjoy hearing her throw a tantrum when I tell her no either but she has to learn and he clearly isn't going to do it. DD has got to the point that if I tell her no, she'l run to SO and say, "Mommy's mean."   Are you smurfing kidding me? Doesn't he get that every time he does this crap that he's basically telling her it's okay to do what she just got in trouble for? I've tried telling him that to no avail. It's like it goes in one ear and out the other. I NEED this child to behave, not just for my sanity but when she gets older. I don't need her going to school and smacking some kid then telling the teacher her daddy said it was okay.   And I definitely don't want to have to deal with her being a holy terror when she's older who doesn't listen to anything I say because daddy says she doesn't have to. The worst part is he doesn't get why I get mad when he does this crap either. UGGHHH!!!! /vent

wow id be pissed as hell.


does he clean her smurf messes? have him do it time and time again, im sure he will start to appreciate your parenting more.

Quoting cunning cuniculi:" wow id be pissed as hell. does he clean her smurf messes? have him do it time and time again, im sure he will start to appreciate your parenting more. "

No he doesn't. He won't. He claims he "can't stomach it." Well I don't exactly enjoy it either.  

my husband has been known to do this too and it pisses me the holy smurf off!!!!!

GAH! i dont really have an answer except to talk to him, but he'll probably keep doing it and telling you he "forgot"

dumb men

Quoting ρiηkie ρie:" No he doesn't. He won't. He claims he "can't stomach it." Well I don't exactly enjoy it either.   "

smurf that, nex time he says smurf id drop it right in his lap. he sounds like a pussy lol.
how inconsiderate that he wont help but is willing to gain cheap daddy points...

Tell him you can't stomach him undermining your authority and the next time he butts in, he gets to handle the repercussions. Either butt out or deal with it yourself!

Quoting ρiηkie ρie:" No he doesn't. He won't. He claims he "can't stomach it." Well I don't exactly enjoy it either.   "

Have you asked him what HE thinks is appropriate discipline? I'm not saying he should undermine you at all, but maybe he's just of the opinion that your methods are too extreme (they don't sound extreme but I don't live with you) so he just vetoes them period?

If he's just against discipline period, I'd tell him that he can start cleaning up after the kids then and see how long it takes before he's ready to prevent them from making the messes again too.

I'd be pisssssssed. If you two aren't on the same page, she will learn she doesn't have to listen to you ever. Sounds like she's already learning that, too. I wouldn't be able to stand it.

DH is kind of tough on DD1 sometimes, IMO. We don't always see eye-to-eye on discipline, but when I disagree with his disciplining, I pull him aside away from DD1 and tell him what I think about it. I know if I tell him to not do whatever he's doing in front of her, she will think I'm going to "rescue" her when DH disciplines her. Which is what your SO should do to help you discipline as well. You shouldn't contradict each other in front of her. Sounds like he is trying to be the kids "favorite parent" without care for how she is going to behave for you. Which is extremely selfish and mean to you because now you really do seem like the "mean mommy" that he is telling them you are so they'll like him better.
So so wrong.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" Have you asked him what HE thinks is appropriate discipline? I'm not saying he should undermine you ... [snip!] ... cleaning up after the kids then and see how long it takes before he's ready to prevent them from making the messes again too."

If he had his way she'd do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. No schedule, no bedtime, just run ape smurf bananas all the time. And no, I'm not exaggerating either. That's how HE was raised. His parents let him do whatever and handed him everything he every wanted. I will NOT raise my children that way.

Quoting Lady GooGoo™:" I'd be pisssssssed. If you two aren't on the same page, she will learn she doesn't have to listen to ... [snip!] ... because now you really do seem like the "mean mommy" that he is telling them you are so they'll like him better. So so wrong."

I can't stand it. I'm honestly at my wits end about it. Like I said, he was raised with no discipline but he also says it's because he "hates hearing her whine/scream." I'm to the point that I'm about to tell him to go outside then. It's just ridiculous. Truly.