Maybe TMI.. I just need to vent.

I've had a really bad day, and I've been thinking a lot about my miscarriage last summer. There are two things that are really bugging me, and I don't have any clue on how to get over them.

The first thing is that I didn't have a burial or anything. I had him/her into my toilet (I was only about 10 weeks along), fished him/her out, and put her on a amniotic fluid soaked pad and waiting for SO to come in because I couldn't do anything I was crying so hard.To get me to stop crying he took the pad & him/her out of my sight and threw the whole thing away in a dumpster >:/ I didn't even get to say goodbye or anything because I was crying. I don't know. I just wish it went differently.

The second thing is, that when I went in for my first ultrasound (the day we found out that there was no heartbeat), I didn't receive any pictures. I went in and specifically asked for a DVD & pictures before we began, but she must have assumed I didn't want anything once we couldn't find a heartbeat. I would absolutely love an ultrasound picture (the ONLY picture I'd have) of my baby. Obviously pictures weren't the first thing on my mind after finding out the news, but she said that she still had to finish the appointment with me before I could go talk to a doctor personally and she still didn't give me any pictures... isn't it procedure especially if I had requested it before? No going back now though >.<

I hate not being able to do anything about these.. it bugs me SO bad =,(

Aww! I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've never gown through anything like that so I can't really offer any advice. But, hugs to you. I hope it gets better for you.

I think you should seek a counselor to work through this. Maybe call your OB they can refer you to someone.

I've never gone through this...but the only things I can think of is maybe calling the office and seeing if they have those pictures on file? They might still have them...

and maybe you can still hold your own private service for the baby?

Maybe try planting a memorial tree? My friends did after their loss and it helped them to have a place to go and talk to their baby. They planted the tree, added a few light catchers to the branches and have a small bench where they can sit. I think you just need a way to say goodbye, and I love you. Hope you find healing soon  

Quoting Momma Fergie:" Maybe try planting a memorial tree? My friends did after their loss and it helped them to have a place ... [snip!] ... a small bench where they can sit. I think you just need a way to say goodbye, and I love you. Hope you find healing soon  "

I love this idea!

That is an awesome idea! Thank you so much   I'm going to talk to the hubby about it.  

And thank you everyone for your support. I'm usually really good at not letting it bother me but sometimes its nice to just to hear some encouragement & ideas from people I don't normally talk to! I really appreciate it.

Quoting Lyssa Ashley:" That is an awesome idea! Thank you so much   I'm going to talk to the hubby about it.   And thank ... [snip!] ... sometimes its nice to just to hear some encouragement & ideas from people I don't normally talk to! I really appreciate it."

Welcome! Hoping you find some peace in whatever you decide to do.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lyssa Ashley:</b>" That is an awesome idea! Thank you so much   I'm going to talk to the hubby about it.   And thank ... [snip!] ... sometimes its nice to just to hear some encouragement & ideas from people I don't normally talk to! I really appreciate it."</blockquote>

Anytime   Healing vibes sent your way.

Please ask your OB about the ultrasound. My OB's office has our scans saved on their computer system. I could go back and ask for pictures later if I wanted. When I lost my daughter, during the ultrasound I saw all the past ultrasound pictures in my file on the bottom of the screen. It might be worth a try!