Quoting Carissa Biron:" I'm glad your concerned about this issue because speaking from experience my relationship with my stepfather ... [snip!] ... stepdad all along, considering he'd been in my life since I was four. My advice would be make sure the man your with and marry"
I completely 100% understand. I went through the exact same thing. My mom and her boyfriend got together when I was 3/4, and my mom and I were living at my grams at the time, from the time I was 3 to 11 years old. So he came over on weekends, and every time, I would be excited to see him, but he and my mom would always shun me so they could have "alone time"....mom and I shared a bedroom, and a bed, so mom would kick me out so they could have sex, and I'd have to spend the night with my grandma, and sleep on the couch until he left. It was awful. I loved him when I was little, and when we finally moved in together when I was 11, our relationship just kept getting worse. I remember when I was 12, and fathers day came up, I got him a step fathers card...I gave it to him, and he just glanced at it, said "oh, that's nice" and put it on a pile of papers. He gave no reaction at all, no i love you, no nothing...I overheard him talking to my mom how he wasn't my step dad and it was weird that I gave him the card- so from that day forward, I hated him and did everything I could to break them up. We fought constantly, until I finally got kicked out and was forced to live with my bio dad at 16.
My mom knew he treated me badly, would yell at me, call me names, and she was fine with it. She always yelled at me and said "Don't you DARE ruin this relationship for me! Stop trying to ruin my life! I love him!" and my response would be "Yeah, but don't you love me too?" and she'd always say the thing that pissed me off the most "It's a different KIND of love". To this day, when I hear that phrase, I feel my blood boil lol.
So I know what to look out for, because I vowed to never let my child go through what I did...I won't tolerate anything that I deem inappropriate father figure behavior. I wasn't planning on ever even dating again, but divorce happened, and well, here I am lol.