Ugh anxiety

I hate having anxiety and need people to talk to about it.... I'm so mad at myself for letting it get to me so much, everyone says its all in my head but I can't help but think about it. I've had it for about 6 years now and I've been on and off Lexapro, I hate having to be on medication but I can never seem to stay off of it for long. My pregnancy was the longest I've been off it and I did pretty good but now, 5 weeks PP it's coming back and getting worse. Now it's hard for me to drive because I'm scared that when I drive I'm going to pass out with DD in the car and I'm going to crash. I've passed out before from panic attacks that's why I always get scared of it happening again. I don't feel like I'm breathing normal when I feel anxious and it scares the hell out of me, it's like I forgot how to breathe, it feels tight and shallow. I know I need to get back on meds because I can barely be out in public now as well, being around random people is like torture now. And I'm acting so neurotic about the littles things and being such a bitch. But I'm breast feeding and want to continue and I don't want her getting the chemicals from the medication. Idk what to do! I'm going to the doctors on Monday so ill talk to them. I just hate this so much and wish it would go away forever!

Do you know anyone who took Lexapro while breast feeding? I would only take 5 mg which is like the lowest dosage, it still scares me though.