Home daycare issues. Feeling like a jerk.

Just need some advice.
My kids attend a home daycare 3 days a week. The person who owns it is actually a personal friend. We went to school together. She was a kindergarten teacher and after she had her kids she transitioned to opening a home daycare.
It's been wonderful, she keeps up with all state guidelines,and she's so patient and kind. My kids adore her!
The only issue I have with her started recently. Her oldest is 4 and he was recently diagnosed with autism. Fully functioning autism. His only area he needs help with are social. But with the diagnosis comes a lot of doctors appointments and meetings with his therapist who helps him learn how to interact with other people.
Now these meetings are often times scheduled during daycare hours. There are times when she won't be there for drop off because they have a meeting. Or there are times she'll schedule the meeting for nap time so she leaves in the middle of the day. She has her mother cover daycare for her until she returns.
The kids know her mom so that's not my issue. My issue is that myself and 4 other sets of parents pay her to watch our kids. Not her 60 something mom.
It'd be different if she had no other days to make these appointments. But the daycare is closed on Mondays. Why can't she make the appointments then? I fully get that she will always put her own children first and there is nothing wrong with that. I just don't get why she can't schedule these appointments outside daycare hours. She has 6 other lives to care for tues-fri.
I expressed my issue to my mom and she thinks I'm being selfish.
I think that I pay a crap ton of money for my children to get amazing care. And now it seems like that amazing care isn't so invested anymore.
What do you guys think?

Well, the doctors offices don't necessarily cater to her schedule (mine certainly don't!)

And I pay for a daycare center, and they close for things like staff development days, still have to pay for them even if DD isn't attending because they're closed that day, etc.

So unless she's leaving the kids unattended, or there's a reason to not trust the other person... I'd say you're overreacting a bit. But if you don't feel comfortable, find somewhere else.

I would just casually ask why cant she schedule the appts. for Mondays? Maybe there is a reason?

also, I kind of wouldn't mind, as long as her mother was able to care for the kids!
being 60 isn't easy i'm sure.

Its only some appts during the day and someone is there to watch them,.



Her child needs therapy and dr appts. My SN kid comes before the kids i watch. If she has an appt then sorry, its not easy to get in during certaind times and days because her doctors are only in office on certain days so it can be tough.



Personally i think your making a big deal out of nothing. Dont like it? Go somehwere else.

No offense but you kinda should feel like a jerk   If you understand that she's putting her kids first then fully understand it & don't get mad about it. Your gonna ruin a friendship if you continue to be bitter about her kids issues being handled during normal hours

I think you are being petty. Someone is watching and loving your kids, I'm sure she would much rather be home babysitting than dealing with autisim. If you have no issue with the grandmother and how she treats the kids then there isn't an issue.

I understand where you're coming from, I would probably be annoyed, too.

Maybe she tried scheduling on Mondays, and the therapist is off that day.

Having a child with autism, I can assure you that you are at the mercy of when those doctors and therapists get you in. You don't choose, and in many cases, I've had to cancel all kinds of my own obligations to make sure I can get my son the help he needs.

I think you are being selfish - what she is going through is really hard and I can almost promise you that her son is worse off than JUST having social issues - if it was simply that getting the diagnosis at the age of 4 would not have been that easy.

She's in for a long, hard road - having her mom help out for an hour or two a few times a week is not going to take away from what your children are getting for care.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Doctor:</b>" Well, the doctors offices don't necessarily cater to her schedule (mine certainly don't!) And I pay ... [snip!] ... to not trust the other person... I'd say you're overreacting a bit. But if you don't feel comfortable, find somewhere else."</blockquote>




  my only week day off is Friday, DD'd pedi isn't in on Friday. And my own doctor is in another office on Friday

It's unacceptable. She essentially works for you and just because it's her child she thinks everyone should be understanding. My Boss wouldn't be so forgiving if I always had to take off. She should definitely try to schedule things on a Monday and if she can't then give you guys ample notice.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" It's unacceptable. She essentially works for you and just because it's her child she thinks everyone ... [snip!] ... had to take off. She should definitely try to schedule things on a Monday and if she can't then give you guys ample notice."</blockquote>



Then she should just move her kids somewhere else. That's the beauty of being your own boss, you can do things like that.

If you don't like it go somewhere else.

She is doing the best she can, and she isn't putting someone who you don't trust in charge.
I know for my brother's special appointments his doctor only takes certain patients on Wednesdays. You can't really CHOOSE a certain day of the week like that sometimes.

Quoting ILOVEWINE:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" It's unacceptable. She essentially works for ... [snip!] ... Then she should just move her kids somewhere else. That's the beauty of being your own boss, you can do things like that."

Well I think it's terribly irresponsible to come and go as you please when you have 6 children at your house. I mean, don't you think this particular business owner has a little more reason to be concerning of others?

I think you're being a little selfish. Our specialist is only in the office on Tuesdays. The rest of the time he's in surgery. She isn't leaving the children unattended and she I'm sure is trying her hardest to schedule things for nap time and what not. Just because he's full functioning doesn't mean he doesn't need a specialist. If you have that big a problem with it send them to a normal daycare instead of a home daycare.

Quoting Just Ames:" It's unacceptable. She essentially works for you and just because it's her child she thinks everyone ... [snip!] ... had to take off. She should definitely try to schedule things on a Monday and if she can't then give you guys ample notice."

In many cases there is no time to give "ample notice" as you don't find out about some of the appts until just before (cancelations creating openings, etc)

It's not like she's saying Monday night "Yeah, you need to find somewhere else to go tomorrow, I have an appt", she's found someone to cover her work.