I just need to get this out

I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about this because in the past it was pretty pointless. Im at this point in my life where I dont know what to do. I feel like Im just floating around existing or something.

I feel like there is something wrong with me because I cant leave my husband. Our relationship has been physically abusive. I cant just say its him because I get into it with him as well but with him being a man and all, I always get beat up. Since we first got together we would fight, it had stopped after our first kid and started again after our second because of all the problems we've been having. A few weeks ago we had our worst fight where I ended up going to the hospital and came up with some bullsmurf excuse. I do admit I hit him first, he makes me so angry because he doesn't care how I feel and how much Im hurting because of all he's doing. He'll come home at 2-3 AM from his friends, yes it makes me mad because I have no help all day. I take the kids to the sitter, pick them up after a long day and still come home to no help. I try to talk to him about it, he gets mad and starts calling me a stupid bitch, or tells me to smurf off and it just enrages me. Thats what usually causes me to throw the first hit, and then we both start. I am by no means saying its not my fault, but if Im already on the ground I would think he would stop.

I dont have family that I have a relationship with, and I really dont have many friends. I think this is a reason why I stay with him. I do get a long with his family, I sometimes think I can talk to his mom and tell her the reasons why I want to divorce him but I havent had the courage to do so. Im tired of this cycle, sure he apologizes and we're good for a bit but then the arguing continues and I am sick of it, but I feel like I cant get out of it. I guess thats it I just needed to get this off my chest.

You both need counseling and anger management. Would you guys be willing to do that?

That sounds like a toxic relationship. Do your kids see you guys fighting like that? I grew up with my dad beating my mom and it smurfed my head all up. I have a hard time having a normal relationship because of it. Think about your kids and lget out of that relationship.

Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" That sounds like a toxic relationship. Do your kids see you guys fighting like that? I grew up with my ... [snip!] ... all up. I have a hard time having a normal relationship because of it. Think about your kids and lget out of that relationship."

She has problems too though, sounds like whoever she will be with will be punched when she gets angry

I'm sorry hun. That sound like my relationship except I just think about hitting him I don't actually do it. It sucks especially when you don't feel like there is a way out. I have no advise really. But I wish you luck.

Quoting Blythe.:" She has problems too though, sounds like whoever she will be with will be punched when she gets angry"

 
Two wrongs don't make a right. While I agree that he shouldn't continue to hit her while she's down I believe it's hard to stop once you've been pushed to that point.
I agree you all need counseling and a trial separation. There are resources you can look into. This country is very generous with helping single women/mothers.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Blythe.:</b>" She has problems too though, sounds like whoever she will be with will be punched when she gets angry"</blockquote>

I understand that. Even if I hit my husband he would never hit me back. He sure as hell wouldn't hit me hard enough to put me in the hospital. She needs anger management to control her anger but I wouldn't suggest she stay with someone who puts her in the hospital.

Quoting Blythe.:" She has problems too though, sounds like whoever she will be with will be punched when she gets angry"

Not really. I always threw the first punch with my ex. And I would never do that with anyone else nor have I. Just because she hits him doesnt mean that she is going to do it again.

Man the worse I ever did was throw a phone at dh and hit him on accident. Then there was the time I kicked an almost empty pitcher of cool aide and a tiny bit got on dh. I always got way worse for that though. Like dh went and got a big glass of cool aide ans threw it in my face.

<blockquote><b>Quoting 1inpink2inblue:</b>" Man the worse I ever did was throw a phone at dh and hit him on accident. Then there was the time I kicked ... [snip!] ... bit got on dh. I always got way worse for that though. Like dh went and got a big glass of cool aide ans threw it in my face."</blockquote>

Yikes. So he is physically abusive then? Why don't you call the cops on him?

Quoting Blythe.:" You both need counseling and anger management. Would you guys be willing to do that? "

I'd be willing to go, this has come up in the past and he wont go but I think I should go, at least to the anger management even if its alone.

Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" That sounds like a toxic relationship. Do your kids see you guys fighting like that? I grew up with my ... [snip!] ... all up. I have a hard time having a normal relationship because of it. Think about your kids and lget out of that relationship."

No. Most of our fights are usually in the middle of the night. They sleep in their room down the hall.

Quoting Blythe.:" She has problems too though, sounds like whoever she will be with will be punched when she gets angry"

Because you know me and my relationship so well. This was the reason why I didnt want to post. I came on here saying I had a problem as well, I could have came on here and said I had no part but I didnt. 75% of the time I start it. Its not daily, so I do take a lot before it gets to that point.

I knew someone was going to blame me for it and I shouldnt have posted but it was worth a shot. Thanks anyway.

Quoting BG Secrets:" I knew someone was going to blame me for it and I shouldnt have posted but it was worth a shot. Thanks anyway."

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me