Is this wrong?

I know I've posted here before about a porn issue I was having with my husband.

I realize that some/most of you ladies feel it's normal to watch porn/indulge in it daily.. I sort of feel differently, but most of you put my mind at ease when I read your comments on my last post - thank you!

I have a new issue that arose a couple days ago. I found a site my husband had visited (and looks to be he saved it, and tried to do it secretly - but I looked in the "most visited sites" in the history tab, and it popped right up.) It was a live sex site, and I do realize these pop up on a lot of different sites (my husband frequents phun.org and collegehumor, etc. for "funny" videos) but this was an actual profile of a chick that he had looked at. I don't know his sign-in name or if he messaged her, but he was obviously looking through profiles.. and specifically hers. This hurt.

It seems off to me as well. I usually go with my intuition, but I just// hate conflict. The reason I even looked at his computer again was because I tried coming on to him again and he didn't want it. This just doesn't make sense, does it? I can see being tired, but I feel like I'm trying and he never ever initiates anything!

Another piece of info that really bothers me is that I am 19 years younger than my husband. I don't know if he feels that I am naive or what? We had a great relationship, as it was much better before the baby - it's gone downhill a lot since. It just makes me really sad to think about it.. plus, the girls he's looking at are 18-23ish - (I'm 22) and the porn he looks at is labeled "teen" porn.. which I asked about, and most of you ladies said that was pretty normal? But it just makes me feel self conscious and kind of.. gross that he's got some sort of fantasy of a father-ish/daughter-ish thing? (I've found some porn labeled that way, which disturbed me a bit) He was very defensive of that though, and I couldn't even talk to him about it.

Am I wrong to feel this way? Or crazy and paranoid?

Porn is not the same as a live sex chat. I wouldn't tolerate that. And once porn starts effecting your own sex life there's an issue. Sorry mama   you should talk to him about this ASAP

I think I would be upset considering those can delve into the emotional cheating realm if they end up chatting, even if online.


I would talk to him. When you say he doesnt initiate sex does that mean you dont either?

Quoting A&J. ♥:" Porn is not the same as a live sex chat. I wouldn't tolerate that. And once porn starts effecting your own sex life there's an issue. Sorry mama   you should talk to him about this ASAP"

Thanks for replying -

I couldn't tell if he had actually viewed anyone on it, as he wasn't signed in (I couldn't even tell if he had an account?) I just saw that he was looking at this girl's profile, and it really bothered me as it was a live sex site. Do you think that is still an issue? Do you think he was really viewing or just looking for the "fun of it"?

I know, probably just trying to make myself feel better. I'm just trying to be honest with myself!

It sounds like he is into younger ladies and now that you have a child you have somewhat lost some of your youth to him maybe and it has maybe turned him off. Just a guess and there is absolutely no way in hell I would keep my mouth shut if my husband was on some live porn chat thing... Not ok atleast not for me I would be saying somthing soon.

If it is causing problems with your sex life, it's a problem. Also I agree porn is definately not the same as live sex chat. I'd say you need to confront him about it again.

Quoting Sarah Bare-ah♡:" I think I would be upset considering those can delve into the emotional cheating realm if they end up ... [snip!] ... end up chatting, even if online. I would talk to him. When you say he doesnt initiate sex does that mean you dont either? "

No, I've tried numerous times to come on to him. It's like he's weirded out that the baby is in the house - we only have sex if we get a babysitter (which isn't too often) - and my son is 9 months old. I figured this would subside by now.. we've had sex about twice that I can remember with my son napping upstairs.

but then I find this porn junk, and now I think I may be beginning to understand the issues..

Since it's a live chat site and it's having an effect on your sex life, yes it's a serious problem and you need to talk to him about it. That's not okay.

Quoting Mrs.Sander:" It sounds like he is into younger ladies and now that you have a child you have somewhat lost some of ... [snip!] ... keep my mouth shut if my husband was on some live porn chat thing... Not ok atleast not for me I would be saying somthing soon."

Yeah, he definitely is. Maybe you're right, as sad as that is.

What would you say? I feel bad I was snooping on his computer again.. I was just having that feeling something was going on, and I found it. He usually deletes everything off his history, and that came up on "most visited".. I don't know what to say or how to bring it up. He got defensive really fast last time I brought porn up and got sort of angry that I'd even talk to him about it, like it was wrong.

Ugh, I don't know.

I see porn as a "okay, we're not gonna have sex tonight..I'm gonna watch some porn and then come to bed" kinda deal...it shouldn't affect your sex life, it should be an outlet if sex is not going to happen......and a live sex chat site would not be going on in my house!....looking at other women is one thing but talking to them?...getting it to be on a personal(even if the woman who is offering the sexual action doesn't think that) level...

Quoting Mrs.O!:" I see porn as a "okay, we're not gonna have sex tonight..I'm gonna watch some porn and then come to bed" ... [snip!] ... to them?...getting it to be on a personal(even if the woman who is offering the sexual action doesn't think that) level..."

I just don't know how to tell if he was really talking to her or if he was just looking at the profile.. I don't know. It just seems weird. Maybe his computer saved it in the wrong section? Maybe he only visited it once and nothing happened? Not sure... No way to tell  

I dontknoe how you should bring it up, Im a vary blunt straight to the point what the hell is going on type of person, I question my husband about everything and I usually go beyond just questioning him im more of an interrogater, but I've been in terrible relationships and he understands that and after 4yrs of me being like that he is used to it. I will be damned if he will pull the wool over my eyes.

I don't see a problem with porn.. it's women who don't look ANYTHING like real women who he'll never meet in real life.. but a live sex chat is a whole 'nother story. If I were you I'd definitely bring it up, he shouldn't be making you feel this way. If he asks why you were going through his computer, you tell him you wanted to know why he was turning you down and wanted to do some research into what it was that he does like.

Thanks for being so open, hiljoys. I understand how someone could have feelings about their spouse's online activities. And I'm sure you're not the only woman struggling with a situation like this. I wish I had the right advice for approaching this subject with your husband, but I'll say a prayer for you.

If he gets really defensive about it I think that's a sure sign he's hiding something/embarrassed about it. unfortunately alot of men have addictions to live sex chats, because its so easy to make their fantasy a reality... I would say you definitely need to have a serious conversation with him, and explain how its effecting you and your relationship... If he brushes it off or gets angry, well you gotta go with your gut feeling and might wanna go to therapy. I hope it works out for you and he can come forward about what is going on!