if i die

How do i go about setting it up that my mom gets custody of my children? My eldest's dad isn't on the birth certificate and the youngest's won't be until a paternity test. I will be fighting for 80/20 custody, and if i pass during birth or before we sign custody papers i want the same custody situation, but with my mother standing in my place. I don't believe the father is in the position to care for our daughter full time and on top of that, if my eldest loses me i don't want her to lose her sister at the same time.

So... how do i record my wishes? Just in a will, or with a family lawyer, or what?

You can have it put in a will but the father can still fight for her.

You need to have a will established. But if their fathers establish paternity and fight for custody, they would *probably* win.

If you die, it doesn't really matter what your wishes are when the father is still living, as long as he isn't a completely unfit parent by court order. Your child will go to the father, no matter what you've written on paper, unless he allows your mother to have your child.

In that respect, you can only hope he dies first.

You can make a will saying that all you want, but if the father is not proven unfit in the eyes of the court he will get custody.

You can record it in a will but it is just a request. Any judge is going to give the child to the father if the father wants the child. Your mom MIGHT get visitation but that is the best you could hope for.

My eldest's dad will not get custody and the youngest's will have a very hard time getting it and doesn't want it anyway. I'm not worried about that. I was just not sure if a will would be sufficient. I don't have life insurance or any assets so a will would basically just be for my mom to get control of my daughters.

Quoting 8 til Gwen:" My eldest's dad will not get custody and the youngest's will have a very hard time getting it and doesn't ... [snip!] ... I don't have life insurance or any assets so a will would basically just be for my mom to get control of my daughters."

You need to make a will, then. Because otherwise, the children may end up in foster care or the wrong family members hands, especially while it is being sorted out.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" If you die, it doesn't really matter what your wishes are when the father is still living, as long as ... [snip!] ... you've written on paper, unless he allows your mother to have your child. In that respect, you can only hope he dies first."</blockquote>


Well, I'm just going to hope no one dies until a ripe old age   I'm just really anxious coming up to this birth that something is going to go horribly wrong   i need some peace of mind.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" You need to make a will, then. Because otherwise, the children may end up in foster care or the wrong family members hands, especially while it is being sorted out."</blockquote>


Yeah that's what I'm terrified of, since I'm the only one on the birth certificates.

Would my family lawyer be able to recommend a lawyer? I don't know how to go about finding one. I use the same firm my mom used in her custody case.

Quoting 8 til Gwen:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" If you die, it doesn't really matter what ... [snip!] ... I'm just really anxious coming up to this birth that something is going to go horribly wrong   i need some peace of mind."

Anything can happen at any time. It is definitely important to have a will in place.

That said, statistically, you ought to be all right. We've come a LONG way in the last 100 years with birthing.

Quoting 8 til Gwen:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" You need to make a will, then. Because ... [snip!] ... be able to recommend a lawyer? I don't know how to go about finding one. I use the same firm my mom used in her custody case."

I am certain you aren't the first one to ask, and he/she should be able to recommend someone.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" If you die, it doesn't really matter what your wishes are when the father is still living, as long as ... [snip!] ... you've written on paper, unless he allows your mother to have your child. In that respect, you can only hope he dies first."</blockquote>



Or have him sign over his parental rights.

Quoting LittleBear's mama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" If you die, it doesn't really matter what ... [snip!] ... child. In that respect, you can only hope he dies first."</blockquote> Or have him sign over his parental rights."

It is my understanding that doing this is extremely difficult, and generally only granted when the mother has remarried and the new husband is willing to adopt.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" Anything can happen at any time. It is definitely important to have a will in place. That said, ... [snip!] ... in place. That said, statistically, you ought to be all right. We've come a LONG way in the last 100 years with birthing."</blockquote>




There was a mom on here who died a little over a year ago giving birth to get second. I've been thinking about her a lot  

Thanks for your help!