re: if i die

Quoting 8 til Gwen:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" Anything can happen at any time. It ... [snip!] ... here who died a little over a year ago giving birth to get second. I've been thinking about her a lot   Thanks for your help!"

I know. Sometimes things happen. But if you obsess over that, it will consume you with anxiety, and it isn't worth it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting LittleBear's mama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" If you die, it doesn't really matter what ... [snip!] ... child. In that respect, you can only hope he dies first."</blockquote> Or have him sign over his parental rights."</blockquote>




I don't want to give BD1 rights in the first place to sign them over. And i want BD2 involved, he just is not equipped to raise her full time if i can't.

Quoting Autumn Whisper:" It is my understanding that doing this is extremely difficult, and generally only granted when the mother has remarried and the new husband is willing to adopt."

It can be difficult if BD refuses to sign over parental rights, but if he has nothing to do with the LO to begin with, then he may as well sign over his rights. I know in Canada it can be done without having the mother remarry or the new DH want to adopt. But if he signs over his rights then he doesnt have to pay child support, if he does at all. So it depends on what matters more. But it does need to be in a will if the OP wants the kids to go to her mom and she needs to have good evidence as to why the kids shouldnt go to BD. At least good enough for a judge to look into further

Quoting Autumn Whisper:" It is my understanding that doing this is extremely difficult, and generally only granted when the mother has remarried and the new husband is willing to adopt."

I think you're right. If it was easy to sign away rights, all the dead beats in the country would be doing it.


OP, I think your best bet to have a will in place so everyone is familiar with your wishes. Your mom applying for guardianship is a possibility, too.

<blockquote><b>Quoting LittleBear's mama:</b>" It can be difficult if BD refuses to sign over parental rights, but if he has nothing to do with the ... [snip!] ... and she needs to have good evidence as to why the kids shouldnt go to BD. At least good enough for a judge to look into further"</blockquote>



Canada is not Arizona.

<blockquote><b>Quoting loser mom:</b>" I think you're right. If it was easy to sign away rights, all the dead beats in the country would be ... [snip!] ... to have a will in place so everyone is familiar with your wishes. Your mom applying for guardianship is a possibility, too. "</blockquote>




I'll have to ask the lawyerabout that!

Quoting LittleBear's mama:" It can be difficult if BD refuses to sign over parental rights, but if he has nothing to do with the ... [snip!] ... and she needs to have good evidence as to why the kids shouldnt go to BD. At least good enough for a judge to look into further"

No... that's now how it is in the US, at all. You're not allowed to sign over parental rights in order to get out of child support. In fact, that's probably why another man (or woman) has to be willing to step up and adopt the child. Typically, it has to be the custodial parent's spouse.

And the will is just a disclosure of that person's wishes upon death. A will drawn up through an attorney is a legal document, but they can be contested in court after the person dies. And that happens allll the time.



OP, definitely talk to an attorney. I know thinking about a will is kinda creepy, but kudos to you for planning ahead. I can totally understand why you would want your kids to stay together, I would want the same thing.

Quoting loser mom:" No... that's now how it is in the US, at all. You're not allowed to sign over parental rights in order ... [snip!] ... you for planning ahead. I can totally understand why you would want your kids to stay together, I would want the same thing. "

I know what a will is, and in canada they don't allow a parent to sign over parental rights to get out of paying child support. If the guy is already not paying child support and not an active part of the child's life then the courts here will allow parental rights to be signed off. There doesn't have to be another person waiting to adopt the child. Parent who is the primary care giver can have sole custody. I am not familiar with your state law, and was only trying to be helpful.

OP best bet is to get a lawyer.

Quoting 8 til Gwen:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LittleBear's mama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn ... [snip!] ... in the first place to sign them over. And i want BD2 involved, he just is not equipped to raise her full time if i can't."

what do you mean y ou don't want to give him rights?? you don't get to give anybody rights or not. if his rights have not been terminated then he has them....just because he isn't exercising them doesn't mean he doesn't have them.