Eeek! Potty training :):):)(:(:(:(:
posted 28th Feb
DS is 3.5 and hasn't had one accident ALL day. We went shopping and this time I let him pick out a bunch of different kinds of candy to go in a bin and a sack of double bubble for when he goes poop! And today, he has been sitting on the potty to get 2 skittles and when he goes pee he's picked two tic tacs twice and a starburst once and just now he sat there for 10 minutes and did a little turd! Woot! I tried this a month ago with stuff I had picked out. But I think allowing him to pick the reward was a big deal, too! I am so excited for my little boy! Yay!quote
posted 28th Feb
Good for him with no accidents
Is he not able to feel proud of himself within/for himself, without bribes/treats, or to understand the benefits or reason for using the potty instead of a diaper?
It's great when they master a new skill
posted 28th Feb
<blockquote><b>Quoting Mama*AtoZ:</b>" Good for him with no accidents Is he not able to feel proud of himself within/for himself, without ... [snip!] ... or to understand the benefits or reason for using the potty instead of a diaper? It's great when they master a new skill "</blockquote>
ETA this is what i think as of today:
He likes to wear a diaper. I've tried to encourage him before and a few months ago he went poop a few times, but then refused to go on the potty any more after that. I'm using the candy as a bribe for the moment. I'm hoping he will decide on his own within the next few days that going in the potty is better than wearing a diaper.
ETA: this is what I thought was happening before:
I thought he couldn't control his bladder because even a few weeks ago, he would go to the potty and sit, get up, run back, back and forth until eventually he'd just pee on the floor.
ETA: Because of ^ I brought the potty out in the living room today on a towel so he doesn't have so much to think about and plan to get on the toilet. And he can see why going pee/poop on the potty is better, because he's being successful. Does that make sense?
posted 28th Feb
Yup it makes sense. I just noticed it was in special needs so i wondered if he had reasons for not understanding without external/unrelated rewards. My son is 3.5 too, has additional needs and i wouldn't say he's fully trained yet either. He's been dry at night for a long time but in the day he still peed so frequently that there was no point in stopping diapers before 3. He's had phases of using the toilet but stopped and went back to diapers.
At 3 i asked him about going potty again instead but he was so against it, he was adamant that he still wanted to be in diapers so i just let it be. Then at 3.4 he started going potty again 'for fun'. It was like he was doing it just because he could, but maybe he was building confidence. So he got a diaper on whenever he asked and then either he'd ask or now and again i'd suggest he try on the potty instead. I realized it didn't have to be 'all or nothing' and he could do whatever he wanted at his pace, it's not like they'll be in diapers forever kwim. He didn't seem to care either way so i didn't push it. Then a month later he just started going potty all the time. I got excited with him and we talked about the body process.
I just see the joy and pride he has in himself, the personal feeling of achievement. I like to support his internal motivation, i don't want to make it about me, giving my approval or an external reward. I feel that learning to go potty is all about listening to your body, looking after yourself and doing what your body tells you.. so giving bribes/coercion is the opposite of that. It puts the focus on someone elses judgement (the person giving the treat, it tells them they're valued more if they potty and not worth treats if they use a diaper, which i don't think mamas would ever really feel), It makes them do something for a reward (so not listening to their body, and not learning about the real benefit as it focuses attention on candy or whatever). I know it has some of the same end result though (going potty) so the journey to getting there doesn't really matter to some people.
DS is stubborn and emotional so if i pushed him he'd just quit going, he doesn't do well with pressure. I hear about girls training at 2 all the time so it makes it seem like DS is late, but I think it's normal for boys to be closer to 4 before they're ready. It's cool going out the house without diapers, but now i still take a spare pair of pants instead so it's even more space taken up in my purse lol
posted 28th Feb
<blockquote><b>Quoting Mama*AtoZ:</b>" Yup it makes sense. I just noticed it was in special needs so i wondered if he had reasons for not understanding ... [snip!] ... the house without diapers, but now i still take a spare pair of pants instead so it's even more space taken up in my purse lol"</blockquote>
I understand what you are saying, my LO is the same- stubborn and emotional.
I'm not sure if bribing it the 'right way' to teach him. But I'm thinking like this... We eat and drink to go pee and poop. He doesn't eat much, but he loves candy. So I'm thinking if I can reward him with an item we ingest or put in our mouth, it is directly related to what we expell out the other end.
I'm not just putting emphasis on the reward either. When he goes we do cheers and high fives, then he helps me flush it and then he gets a small treat right away. Yes, I guess it is showing I approve, but also he has something to work for. If he wasn't really ready or couldn't do it- the saying go pee and you get this and having him fail and then no reward would be messed up. I'm trying to show him going potty is a good thing, it feels good to be dry and this is the purpose if this object (the potty) now, I know this isn't going to be an overnight thing and he will probably only be going at home for awhile since he doesn't do well in public settings. But it's a start. And the candy won't be a forever thing. I'm trying to use it as a tool in addition to positive reinforcement. He has been wearing a diaper all day, but removing it to go potty, and he can wear the diaper as long as he wants to. A diaper vs underwear isn't a big deal to me. I would like him to be making steps forward though.
posted 28th Feb
DS was like that a month before he chose to go potty all the time, it literally happened over night and before that he just wasn't ready. Now he's ready a high five is enough to motivate him because he's proud and exclaimed "i've done it!". Any treat would've detracted from that. My background is psychology and i'm a geek for research so i've just read too much on how detrimental external rewards are compared to developing internal motivation. I'd rather DS did things when he was ready with support, because he knew why and he felt it was right, i find when he gets to that point he doesn't need any additional reward. I don't mean to debate, just having never used rewards and knowing people who do the same, it interests me why people feel the need to do it.
DS is not good in public either, i'm so surprised at how well he's doing with using the big toilets. I think i was the one still using diapers on him as a security, but once he started using the toilet all the time at home i noticed his diaper would be dry out of the house too and he'd wait to go. He seems to be doing better in public than at home! I took him swimming for the first time in years, i thought it would be a sensory nightmare for him but he did amazing and he even got out the pool to go potty, it was awesome (well, except for freezing my butt off taking him to go ha)