WWYD

*PLEASE DON'T QUOTE***
I plan to delete this just in case. please try not to be obvious when answering. don't mention my mother in your responses....

Okay, so last week my mom was nice enough to take me to a doc appt because DH was working. When she went to drop me off, she said something that made me a bit...defensive?

her: IDK what i'm going to do when another one comes along (another grandchild)

me: What do you mean?

her: It's going to be hard not playing favorites. We'll already have that bond with her.


I feel like if she does that, i won't want to take my kids around her. IDK if she did it purposely or not, but it was obvious to most that she played favorites with me and my brother (he's older and her favorite). I don't want her to make my child feel how she made me feel. If it turned out that she did favor DD over her sibling(s) how would you handle it?


also, when you had baby #2, did you have trouble bonding or showing favoritism to one or the other? In the way of showing one more attention to the other? even if it was unintentional?

I'm in the same kinda boat. SO's brother has been saying ever since I was got pregnant last year that his niece (SO's Daughter) will always be his favorite. It drives me insane. And he never pays attention to my son (his nephew)

No. My daughter did get a little shafted in the beginning, because I breastfeed, but dh gave her extra attention. I think we do pretty well giving them equal attention.
But the inlaws are another story. Their all about the baby. Its so annoying how they look right over my 5yo and are obsessed with the baby. I wish people would understand that the older kids need the attention more than babies. I mean my baby can't stand them. They're so loud she cries every time they go near her. They don't get it.

that is so wrong. same thing happened to so like bad. and it still happens. he is the black sheep for no good reason

I favor one kid over the other. It's just how things go. You cannot like or love everyone equally.

I was very nervous when I was having my 2nd child that I would not love her as much as I loved my son. Once she came out though it was the same experience all over again and I love them just the same. Do I sometimes get more annoyed with one over the other? Sure. I never love either of them any less though. They are 2 different people each with their own unique qualities.

Quoting I love Kenzi:" that is so wrong. same thing happened to so like bad. and it still happens. he is the black sheep for no good reason"

i am for like the majority of my family

Quoting Kimber-lily:" I favor one kid over the other. It's just how things go. You cannot like or love everyone equally."

but to be blatantly obvious about it?

I'd let her know if she couldn't treat my kids the same way, then she doesn't need to be around them. Plain and simple.

I'm slightly guilty of giving my daughter more attention than my son, but I'm a single parent and she's 11 months old, so this past year has been one of high needs. My parents have stepped in and given him the attention he needs if I can't get to his needs while attending to his sister. But I try my best to give them equal attention. I don't play favorites and I don't love one child any more than the other.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" I'd let her know if she couldn't treat my kids the same way, then she doesn't need to be around them. ... [snip!] ... But I try my best to give them equal attention. I don't play favorites and I don't love one child any more than the other."

this is what i was actually thinking

I love both my kids equally but as they are individuals, love them differently. When I was pregnant with my 2nd, I had this same worry about my parents not loving my kids equally since they were so crazy about my daughter, but that is so not the case now, and my son is 3. Perhaps you can show and teach your mom how not to have favorites.

Quoting Madame Joy:" I love both my kids equally but as they are individuals, love them differently. When I was pregnant with ... [snip!] ... daughter, but that is so not the case now, and my son is 3. Perhaps you can show and teach your mom how not to have favorites."

I completely agree with your first sentence. I don't love one kid any more than the others, but I love them differently. My kids all have distinctions. I have "The Oldest" and "The Baby" who are girls, and the middle is "The Boy"(no, I don't call them that)...they all have different personalities. They all stand out in their own way.

Quoting Kimber-lily:" I favor one kid over the other. It's just how things go. You cannot like or love everyone equally."

wow i feel bad for your kids

Quoting PurpleBama582:" I completely agree with your first sentence. I don't love one kid any more than the others, but I love ... [snip!] ... middle is "The Boy"(no, I don't call them that)...they all have different personalities. They all stand out in their own way. "

exactly! they should all be loved for themselves but it should all be the same level of love and they shouldnt be treated better than the other

that is something i was terrified of myself when i was pregnant with this baby (i just had him less than 2 weeks ago)
not that someone else might feel this way, but that I feel that way.
my parents always preferred my brother over me and it was very painful to me growing up. i felt i personally could never love anything or anyone more than my daughter.
and i have to admit the first day this little man was here i still felt that way.
but now that hes been here a few days i feel like i love both of them equally and i try to give both of them about the same amount of attention.
of course i cant say it will stay this way since i JUST had him, but i really hope it does.
anyways, point being - she may be feeling this way now because she doesnt know any better, once the little one comes around things might change!