Am I being impatient?

DH and I only have one child, DS who is 3, and we've both talked about having another from the time we got pregnant with him. It's been back and forth, sometimes I'm on board, others I'm not, and vice versa.

We initially agreed to ttc when DS was 18 mos- 2, but DH had just separated from the Navy and we were living with my in-laws. Clearly that was a horrible time to ttc so we put it off.

Now DS is 3, we live in an apartment, and we're working on DH's credit to hopefully buy next year and DS will be 4 at that time. My husband and I agreed that we would ttc when we purchased a home, but I feel like what if that doesn't happen? What if we can't get approved in a year? What if we do and then the stress of fixing up our new home puts off ttc even further? I feel like we always find a reason to not ttc even though we both want another. It's like we're waiting for that perfect time and there is no such thing.

Well, I told my husband the other night that I want to start ttc by the end of this year, I just don't want to put it off anymore. I don't want a big age gap in between DS and our next, and I feel like at the rate we're going that's what we will get. We didn't talk about it much because we were headed to bed and I didn't really want to discuss it at that time, I just wanted it to be out there and give us some time to think about it before we sit down and discuss it.

It's not like we're bad off, we just live in an apartment because of DH's crap credit. He makes a decent living, we're not crazy spenders either. Ugh...Idk. Does it sound like I'm freaking out for no reason? I've had really bad baby fever for a few months now, but haven't mentioned it to DH because of our buying a house first plan.

I think you're right about there never being a perfect time.
Eventually you guys will have to settle for a good time, ya know?

But it's a big, mutual decision.

I had really bad baby fever for 2yrs before we got pregnant again and I just decided that there is no perfect time so we were just going to have another one, things will always coe together in the end so and its the family you want not the perfect things and the perfect situations because they dont exist.

Quoting Mayhem.:" I think you're right about there never being a perfect time. Eventually you guys will have to settle for a good time, ya know? But it's a big, mutual decision."

I just feel like we're never going to figure it out. I know we will, but I just have this odd way of thinking that time keeps ticking and the age gap is only getting bigger. I know big age gaps aren't a big deal for most people, but it seems like everyone I know who has a big age gap between their siblings aren't close. I don't want that, I want my kids to have some of the same interests in their younger years.

I really think this stems from me being an only child. Well, I'm not an only child, but I grew up that way.

You sound like me before we decided to TTC our second. I was constantly going back and fourth with the idea. I didn't want a huge age gap, but at the same time I wanted to move and be in a better financial position (and I wasn't sure if I was ready to go through pregnancy/labour/birth again). I even wrote out pro/con lists to try to figure it out because if it were up to my SO we would just keep having kid after kid lol. So it was up to me to decide when to start trying.

In the end I was sick of thinking about it everyday, it was driving me nuts and I figured we both really wanted another and I didn't want to wait too long and have a massive age difference between kids. I ended up getting pregnant our first month of trying and it sounds stupid but I felt relieved at the fact that I didn't have to think about it anymore it was done, no changing my mind anymore lol and now of course i'm so happy we went for it because we have our second.

A god friend of mine once said that if you wait for a perfect time you'll never end up having children. We're not in a perfect situation now and expecting our second ... SO has only been in his new job 12 months and me only 9 ... we're still desperately trying to pay off debt ... and it looks like I'm going back to school for 6 months. But I didn't want a big age gap between my first and second and I didn't wants kids over 32.

I say do it ... if you can afford it and have somewhere to live who cares?

Quoting Blah:" You sound like me before we decided to TTC our second. I was constantly going back and fourth with the ... [snip!] ... anymore it was done, no changing my mind anymore lol and now of course i'm so happy we went for it because we have our second. "

That's awesome. I'm glad you got your relief so to speak.  

Maybe that's what we should do, write up a pros and cons list? I'm a really big "what if" person and DH isn't normally. Actually considering a second child is the only time I hear him say "what if".

It's kind of crappy because our con list would be high, or at least I can think of a few cons off the bat. For example our biggest legit con is no support system. We don't have family or friends near us, like at all. We don't get breaks, I don't have anyone to call to come watch DS for a few hours, we never have dates alone. I'm not saying we need someone to pawn our kids off on for a lack of better wording, but it helps to have family near by for times of need.

But, that's something that will never change. We live where we live and we're not moving far even when we purchase, and I don't see my family moving 1,400 miles away anytime soon.

Plus DH's job leaves little time for him to be at home so it's usually just DS and I and if we add another child into the mix it'll mainly be on me. That's something else that isn't going to change.

Then the whole house thing, but that isn't really bad. It's just our ideal. We live in a nice area with great schools as it is. Like I said before we are financially stable.

And that's about it...as far as I can see. It's just a lot of responsibility on my end. Of course DH as well, but when it comes to every day care it would mostly fall on me.

Decisions, decisions. lol

<blockquote><b>Quoting Destiel:</b>" A god friend of mine once said that if you wait for a perfect time you'll never end up having children. ... [snip!] ... first and second and I didn't wants kids over 32. I say do it ... if you can afford it and have somewhere to live who cares?"</blockquote>



Lately I've been thinking about what really means the most to me, and that is family. Of course I want us to be debt free, to have our idea of a perfect home, and all of that jazz, but what I want to most is another child. We will eventually buy a home, we will eventually pay off all of our debt, but my ideal age gap is slipping away. These things continue to get in the way of what I say matters the most to me.

I just hope DH and I are on the same page. I know he wants another, but we've never really talked about how important another child is to each of us.

Quoting 624582:" That's awesome. I'm glad you got your relief so to speak.   Maybe that's what we should do, write ... [snip!] ... on my end. Of course DH as well, but when it comes to every day care it would mostly fall on me. Decisions, decisions. lol"

I actually still have my pro/con list somewhere. I'm tempted now to go looking for it just to see what I wrote on it but i'm too lazy haha.