Quoting Life is a Highway ♫:" He knows that I know he doesn't want anyone knowing about it but yet still treats me like a child like ... [snip!] ... good enough. I've asked him to do counselling, he'd rather leave 'for being a bad husband' we haven't talked about it since."
I'm sorry you're going through that hun. While I agree that divorce should never
be used as a threat, he probably meant it to be funny (although it wasn't). I would have a talk with him and let him know how much it hurt you.
In regards to not working - I'm really sorry you're dealing with that
I was in a car accident that left my fibula and tibia shattered and four surgeries later, I still can't work. I have nerve damage, no cartilage in my ankle (it's slowly fusing together and will need to be replaced soon) and I still go to physical therapy 2-3 times a week. We don't even have kids yet but DH comletely supports me financially, and never pressures me to work because he understands my condition. Your DH should definitely be more understanding. You're married and you have children, you're being a mother and a wife. If you can't go out and get a job due to a medical condition, he should be supportive. I hope you guys can work everything out, and I hope things get better for you.