Close to loosing my mind :( *HUGE VENT SRRY*

I love my husband (we just recently got married Jan 12) and we have had our shares of ups and downs like any other relationship. A little backround to us, I met him at work and we instantly fell hard for each other.. There was a no dating policy but we figured we could keep it a secret.. A month into our relationship I found out I was pregnant. We both cared alot about each other and neither of us believed in abortion so we said lets make this happen (even though he never wanted kids he suprised me when he was sooo accepting and there for me) My pregnancy was rough, I went through alot of stress and family issues which my SO was there for me through it all. We had our 1st daughter in November and got engaged Dec 24 2010. This is where thing started to turn... when i was 6-7 months pregnant my moms bf made a comment about how he felt sorry for my unborn baby and how im gunna be as a mom.. my mom never stuck up for me (after I raised my younger sister and brother when i was 17).. I was baffled my mom was my everything, she was the person I looked up to the most and for her to not stick up for me was the ultimate stab in the back. I was broken... Her and I NEVER EVER EVER fought, we always got along.. After this she kicked me outta the house and I moved in with my SO and his parents in their basement... Now after I had my daughter I'll admit I was going through the baby blues and was not being myself. Still hurt by my mom (even though we kinda made up right before my daughter was born) and having my SO mom butt in and trying to take over my role as being a mom. My SO has a bit of a drinking problem, when we finally moved out in May to our own place he would go out and not call or sometimes not come home.. Then in Aug I found out he was into cocaine and he walked out on me and my daughter to move back to his mom and dads. When I found out he was into drugs I felt crushed and betrayed all over again.. the two ppl who I thought wouldn NEVER hurt me absolutley destroyed me... My SO knew that I had a hard childhood growing up with a cocaine addict of a father who would physically, mentally and emotionally abused me... then he goes and does the same thing.... Once he left I couldnt afford the place so I had to move back into my moms... His parents would lash out at me saying I wrecked there boy and I made him do this, its my fault... 2 weeks after he calls me at 3 am and wants to talk and he was outside my moms house.. I let him in and as soon as he seen me he broke down crying saying how I was his only true love, he couldnt live without me I was the one and he wanted to be together.. Well I took him back cause I did love him and if he had a problem I wanted to do my best to get him out of it and back healthy. Now really stupid thing were still happening, he was spending his nights with me but he'd be really flakey.. I know he was binge drinking and found out later on he was using on occasion..He didnt tell his parents that we were back together but told me he did tell them..He would tell his parents and friends one thing and tell me a completely different story..In October he again was out drinking and ended up getting a DUI, first person he calls to get him from the jail.. Me...I go get him and he promises he's going to change he hates how he is and that im his angel who has done nothing but save his life. After his DUI he made improvements he would slip up every now and then with his drinking and not calling or coming home.. After a HUGE blow up fight I went to his parents house to confront them because they kept running their mouth about me and I set them straight saying your boy is lieing to you and to me about what this situation is, we are together. Anyway things started getting better once everyone knew we were trying to work things out.. He had moved back in with me at my moms and after a couple months we got engaged again, things were going great (had a few hiccups but what relationship doesnt) and then we became pregnant again.. After an awful pregnancy (morning sickness literally all day everyday til she was born), sleeping on the couch,our first daughter has a HUGE personality and is the definition of the word Diva.. she harder to handle lol hardly getting to have alone time or just our own space (my mom, sister and brother live at the house) it can get very overwhelming.. Now our 2nd daughter is born and the bickering has gone completely insane... We fight about the STUPIDEST things you could imagine.. What we wanna do for dinner, what are plans are for the evening, him drinking (I still get crazy anxiety when he goes out because I dont know when or if he will end up coming home) therefore i hate whenever he goes out because im scared it will result in him not coming home and a huge fight that will happen when i do see him again...He always tells me to go out and do thing for myself, I agree I do need to do my own thing at times but whenever I do and the girls are left with him. He is sooo pissed off when I get home its not even worth me going out because of how he acts when I get back and I feel guilty for leaving... Ex: I went to go get my nails done, I get a call 23 min into my app and he's freaking out asking me if ill be back soon because our 3 month old wont stop crying.. Now the past few weeks he has been starting fights that dont make any sense... 1) He hurt my feeling in front of his friends he appoligized and I said ok thank you lets move on, then he starts getting pissed off at me for nothing... like he just wants to be mad at me.. Now yesterday I knew there were possible plans for him to go snowboarding which was totally cool. He hadnt heard from his friends and it was getting close to 11 so he said lets pack the girls up and go for brunch and go do something which I was stoked for! Then i got a text from his friend as we were getting the girls ready, wanting to go boarding. I told him and instantly could see he wasnt sure what he should do. I told him to go it was fine, it kinda sucked cause I did wanna do something but I understood that it was a possibilty. Well he flipped, dunno why really he just had to make the decision of if he was going to go or not. but he got mad at me... He got pissy said he wasnt going to go, so fine whatever then but he kept saying oh well you make me feel guilty for leaving... So to show him that it really didnt bother me I msgd his friend to come get him and I got his snowboarding things ready. Well smurf me for trying to do something nice. When his friend got there around 1 he didnt even say goodbye (which i kinda expect cause he was still being a grump) but he didnt call me at all, didnt end up coming home. Im the type of girl who wants to make sure that my SO is safe where ever he is (we had a friend who passed away outside cause no one made sure he got home safe). Dont get me wrong Im fuming that he again didnt come home and didnt call..Well I find out from his friend that he dropped my SO at his parents house around 7. Im so pissed off I dont know what to do anymore... I love him but I feel like im loosing my mind....
OMG SRRY FOR THE LONG RANT !!!! Just really needed to vent  

I read the whole thing.. it seems you have a problem trusting him and he has plenty of issues he needs to work out on his own. It's probably best that you guys take some time away from one another. No offense but without trust your relationship is destined to fail. He lacks consideration for you and your children and that is not ok. The drinking/drugs is something he needs to figure out for himself. You can ask him to get help but unless he wants help he won't accept it.

It sounds like your relationship wasn't healthy from the beginning. I would suggest marriage counseling. If he won't do it then I'd leave. There is no reason for you to put up with how he is acting, and you don't want your children around that.

this whole thing sounds like it was a very unhealthy relationship from the start...
like the previous poster said, id try counseling and if it doesnt work then - leave.
but from the sounds of it with the alcohol, drugs, trust, anger etc all going on at the same time i would have packed my bags a while ago...

yout guys need to talk!!! really talk things out. im sorry for how u r feeling i dont know if that will get u anywhere but u have problems obv and talking about how each of you feels might do some justice. I disagree with above poster u ddnt have problems from the start i think theres hope 4 u folks if ur SO is willing to talk and make some changes...lol i kno WAY easier said than done but give it a shot & let us kno how its going k? I really hope the best for u guys.. goodluck mommaaa! <3

Quoting LynMarie.xo:" yout guys need to talk!!! really talk things out. im sorry for how u r feeling i dont know if that will ... [snip!] ... said than done but give it a shot & let us kno how its going k? I really hope the best for u guys.. goodluck mommaaa! <3"

I'd have to disagree. Getting pregnant after a month of dating is not a good start to a relationship. A month is not long enough to spend getting to know someone before making a lifelong decision.

Thank you girls for all your words, some tough to hear but I need other peoples perspectives. I know it sounds like it was doomed from the begining, but it wasnt like that for the first year. We were being called the perfect couple, we were head over heels for each other. It felt like a movie. I was literally treated like a goddess. Things didnt start going rocky between us until after our daughter was born. We've had our ups and downs. We are still together and its been just over 3 years now. I do want to work things out because I love him to pieces, but like you girls said its not healthy for my babies to be around. And I know first hand what its like to see my mom get mistreated by my dad and I wont let my daughters see me crying for him to come home. Or allow someone who is into drugs and alcohol around them.

Quoting KristaGallaz:" Thank you girls for all your words, some tough to hear but I need other peoples perspectives. I know ... [snip!] ... dad and I wont let my daughters see me crying for him to come home. Or allow someone who is into drugs and alcohol around them."

I wasn't trying to be mean when I said you'd only known him for a month. DH and I were only together for about 9 months before I got pregnant. Things were fine and then about 3 years into our marriage we got into a physical fight. I said if he didn't go to marriage counseling with me it was over. We've been going now for awhile and it really helps. You just both need to want to go. And I think he needs to give up some of the things that he is doing. Good luck momma.

Quoting ♥ Mrs. S ♥:" I wasn't trying to be mean when I said you'd only known him for a month. DH and I were only together ... [snip!] ... helps. You just both need to want to go. And I think he needs to give up some of the things that he is doing. Good luck momma. "

Oh not hun, I never took anyones words as mean. I needed to hear other ppl's views besides what I was thinking and what my family and friends are telling me. Cause of course they are all trying to support me and tell me I deserve better and that I should give up... I keep going back and forth to the point where I feel overwhelmed and im spinning out of control. I have been going through crazy emotions: one min im smurf him im strong, independent and I can do this by myself I have been doing a majority of it anyway, then I start to think about my vows, I made a promise for better for worse and I truly meant every word of them and I get so upset. Then I get pissed off like who the smurf does he think he is and if he cared about his family he would put his big boy pants on and stop running to his moms and dads everytimes something doesnt go his way.. Its a cycle I go through all day long. And its even harder cause Im back to work now full time (he hasnt shown up for work the past 2 days now) and Ive had to get up at 5 am to get my girls ready to go to their babysitter so I can go work a 8-10 hr day. Go pick them up and do all my mommy duties. While he doesnt have a responsibilty in the world (how it feels). The only part that makes me want to say smurf it, is when I think back to my childhood and hearing my mom late at night or really early in the morning crying for my dad to come home and that broke me. My dad was heavy into drinking, doing blow, and abusing me physially and me and my mom, mentally and emotionally. I have a sister and a brother to but they never got any And I swore to myself that I would never ever let my kids go through any of that. I have never did any of the experimenting with drugs (besides pot and mushrooms a couple times) and I swore no man was ever going to treat me like my dad did to my mom. My girls deserve to see a positive man in their life not one whose gunna smurf off when things get tough or he's overwhelmed with them. You cant just walk away from your family and you responsibilties.. I didnt knock myself up, You dont see me walking away. But thank all you girls for your opinion!!!
Update: He never went into work yesturday or today now. I talked with his brother (who is honestly a wicked guy) and he said that my SO wants to work on things he just stressed and needs time... My BIL said he completely understand where Im coming from and that my SO needs to grow up and take care of his responsibilites.