I'm sorry sweetie. I feel the same way about my pregnancy and birth experience as well. I'm in counseling for PTSD. It really helps. It's ok to mourn the loss of your ideal delivery. So don't feel bad doing so. It will take time but everyone says it'll get better. Don't think about more kids at this point. I feel that way too and my counselor told me to just focus on the here and now and worry about more kids down the road. If you need to talk I'm here.