i feel like i need to kick him out, again.

the father of my child lives with me, my mother, and our 3 month old son for 6 months now. he still doesnt have a job. im sick of it. im sick of him staying up all night and sleeping all day. i take care of our son all morning and by his afternoon nap is when SO finally wakes up. he applies to places here and there, lots of online applications, and not a call back from any of them. he goes on craigslist every other day and checks it out, but still no calls back. so what am i supposed to do about it? my mother cannot keep supporting the 3 of us. he doesnt support me at all. not financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. he's lazy. he's a great guy with a great heart and he means well and he is very charming, but he is like a child. i feel like i have 2 children. its 2:30pm and he's still asleep and i dont know how much longer i can handle this crap.

why dont i just get a job, you ask? because my mother and i have an agreement that i stay home and BF my son and be there for him while SO gets out and works until we get our own car at least, then the transportation issues would be solved and i could get a job of my own and possibly put LO in daycare. if needed. i shouldnt have to put up with his smurf, watch him sleep all morning while im taking care of the baby, and let him sit here while i go to work too. he doesnt pull any weight. hardly any around the house.

he's got an excuse for everything though, and whenever i say something we just fight bc im "just trying to make him feel like less of a man."

what do i do??

He needs to call the places he applied and follow up. That's the only way I've ever gotten a job. Call and ask to speak to the manager, let him/her know that you put in an app and are very interested in its status.

While I know the job market is difficult at best right now, just the fact that he sleeps all day gives me the impression that he is not very motivated to obtain work.

I would give him a time frame in which you expect him to begin contributing financially and if he cannot meet that date (within reason) I would tell him that your mother cannot afford to support you all.

and I would also look for a job and get a pump.

<blockquote><b>Quoting A is Me:</b>" He needs to call the places he applied and follow up. That's the only way I've ever gotten a job. Call ... [snip!] ... a job. Call and ask to speak to the manager, let him/her know that you put in an app and are very interested in its status."</blockquote>



This. He needs to take this job hunt more seriously. Apply and then call back a few days later and ask for an interview. Can't just sit around and wait. Showing more interest in a job will show the employer that he's willing and ready to work.

Quoting .Colleen.:" While I know the job market is difficult at best right now, just the fact that he sleeps all day gives ... [snip!] ... reason) I would tell him that your mother cannot afford to support you all. and I would also look for a job and get a pump."

This.

Yes, he should be helping out with the baby if he's not working.

But IMO, you should be getting a job, too, if both of you aren't working and struggling financially.

It's one thing if he is there for you in at least one way or another, but if he isn't trying a bit harder to fulfill at least one role needed in your life to even be considered a SO, then he is definitely not worth it. It sounds like you have been through enough to feel distanced from him. I know it wouldn't be easy now that you have a little one in the picture, but let's face it. You need a role model for the child in your life, and one person needs to be strong for the baby. If you are the one undertaking everything anyway, then stand up for yourself and show the baby that you mean business and that it's your love for the baby that keeps you motivated enough to do something.

It sounds like his smooth talking and excuses for everything has gotten him this far already, so don't give him the chance to offer up anymore excuses. I'd just give him an ultimatum to prove his worth if he wants to stay in it with you and the baby and either way i'd kick him out until he shapes up or else i'd have to take measures to cut him out of our lives. Sometimes people just need a really hard push to get things going. Sleeping during the daytime when business are open and calls can be made and returned isn't going to help him find a job. Take each of his arguments and turn it back around, and if he bothers to tell you that you are making him feel like less of a man, tell him it's because he isn't acting like one.

I hate to sound cold, but unless you are made of money there is no need for you to baby him on top of it all. Is your mom at all comfortable in sitting him down and talking to him about this either? You could always have her initiate it with the two of you at the table and you can just finish the conversation so she doesn't need to say anymore to make it seem like you are trying to mediate between the three if you want to try to stay amicable.

I'd take control of my life. I would buy a breast pump and get a job and support my child. I also would not allow a such a lazy person to contuine taking advantage of my mother. Ask him to leave and get yourself a job

Sorry u r dealing w/this crappy situation   When was the last time BD had a job? Could he possibly be suffering from depression? Some men get so hopeless in the job search that they fall into a depressive state....This is by no means an excuse for his behavior but mabe a reason, that needs to be discussed. From what you have posted it seems like he has basically ''checked out'' of reality and is mearly existing in a ''funk''. Its a vicous cycle that can be hard to break once its started.
Talk to him and then try having him watch the baby for an hour or so at a time so you can ''look'' for a job (whether you really plan on working or not) It will give him an appreciation for the ''work'' you do at home caring for an infant and may also get his butt in gear to find employment himself.

Take control this is your life.
No one is to blame for your unhappiness but you.
Pump like other working moms, and get a job.

I think that I would have kicked him out a long time ago.

However....you need to start supporting the family you created. When one parent can't provide, the other picks up the slack.

You don't just get to stay home because you want to. That's a luxury that comes after a lot if hard work and financial stability, which you do not have.

YOU need to be applying for jobs and providing for your family. And stop expecting your mommy to do it. She didn't create this child.

Quoting Ayzya:" It's one thing if he is there for you in at least one way or another, but if he isn't trying a bit harder ... [snip!] ... need to say anymore to make it seem like you are trying to mediate between the three if you want to try to stay amicable. "

**vent**exactly. what you said is what ive tried to explain to him, of course he doesnt see it that way because he believes he is giving this new life all he has. which honestly isnt much. anyway, after i wrote this i tried talking to him again. he's agreed to go back to california where he can get on his feet easier since this is so devastating for him here. ugh. ive got a pump, and im applying to places when i can. thing is, i dont know how it will work with me having a job, my mother's ever changing work schedule, us sharing one car, and my baby. i only have 1 friend in this town, and i dont have daycare money. relatives live 30 minutes away but they all work, and my grandfather doesnt have the energy to take care of a 3 month old. If only my boyfriend, the father, were motivated with a sense of urgency about taking care of us like he promised, none of this would be happening and i would have a new sense of respect for the guy. but no. he's slept all day and stayed up all night for weeks now. he wanted a happy family but he's not helping make it happen. yeah ill be the example for him, but ive ALWAYS been the example for him and picked up his slack just about everyday in many ways and now its all been just to send him packing to california where he can have it easy. but i dont care. he tried calling me all kinds of names yesterday when i told him he needed to pick up the pace and get things moving, and i just laughed. i really stopped caring. he could fall in love with another girl for all i care, he doesnt affect me like that anymore. i hope he does find someone else. so i will work, be that single mom struggling to be sure even if im gone that my son is safe and happy, but thats what i WILL do for him. and LO's father will eventually see who is more fit for parenting. he had the nerve to say if he left then he's taking the baby. he was mad when he said it, and of course that would NEVER fly, he wouldnt make it out the door without cops being called, but again..i just had to laugh. unrealistic expectations when i was pregnant thinking he would be this new person with a paternal sense is a hard lesson learned. better now than never though. my son doesnt need to hear us fight anymore.  

Quoting Amber Waves:" **vent**exactly. what you said is what ive tried to explain to him, of course he doesnt see it that ... [snip!] ... with a paternal sense is a hard lesson learned. better now than never though. my son doesnt need to hear us fight anymore.  "

Good for you girlfriend. I think you are doing a good job being realistic and expecting better for yourself and your child. Not everybody knows how to handle the responsibilities of parenthood properly and i'm glad you feel motivated enough to step up where your SO can't. You definitely need to be a good role model and no matter what, as long as you keep trying and love your child as best as you possibly can, they won't hold it against you. You are doing the right thing.

For now just treasure what time you have left while you go and find a job. I don't know if you were expecting to find a full time job or just part time? Is your mom able to work out something where you guys can manage to pitch in together and try to juggle work times? I can see it being difficult because her work schedule changes constantly but is there no way she can work days so you can work nights or vice versa? I mean if you could manage to work on it together, I don't see the sense in you working just to pay daycare bills. No matter what happens, I wish you the best of luck. I know it's hard to do things alone and to be a single mother, but our children definitely make us stronger people. They show us just how powerful love really is.