re: CRY IT OUT METHOD HELP, please

Quoting The Pretender:" I get that this is a "public forum" and all that jazz about accepting negative and positive criticism ... [snip!] ... I don't feel is attacking me than someone who jumps right out and makes me feel like a moron right away. That's all I mean. "

but Adults have problems when they get used to sleeping next to somebody and then all of a sudden don't....it is just common logic and yea I know that doesn't exsist with everybody but it isn't that hard to figure out. Btw that is like the longes runon I have ever wrote.

Quoting The Pretender:" I don't really understand why, in instances like this where the OP KNOWS there is a problem and is asking ... [snip!] ... I did before I went to seek help in an internet forum as a last resort and I would be less inclined to ask for help later. "

There's no mystery as to why her baby is crying. The baby stops crying when they comfort her and sooth her. If there were underlying issues and she was crying her little lungs out for no reason, I could see what you're saying.

And I don't think I was rude or condescending. I didn't call her a moron or intend to make her feel that way. I gave her advice on how to handle it if she wanted to and gave her my opinion that she should wait until the baby is older.

Quoting The Pretender:" I get that this is a "public forum" and all that jazz about accepting negative and positive criticism ... [snip!] ... I don't feel is attacking me than someone who jumps right out and makes me feel like a moron right away. That's all I mean. "

Not everyone does that.
For instance, all i said was that i would never let my child CIO because there are plenty of other ways to do it. In fact, i even gave her an example of something she could do. There are both good and bad responses in here. She can easily ignore ones she doesn't like. She wasn't specific enough in her OP to mention that she didn't let her LO cry it out straight for 2 hours. However, she did mention that even with 10-15 minutes checking up on her, it was still 2 hours of the baby crying. Most of these responses weren't even offensive or bad.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Pretender:</b>" I don't really understand why, in instances like this where the OP KNOWS there is a problem and is asking ... [snip!] ... I did before I went to seek help in an internet forum as a last resort and I would be less inclined to ask for help later. "</blockquote>




I think you would have been given an entirely different response. She is asking specifically about CIO and how it is causing her daughter to cry for long periods of time. Had you posted about your daughter I would have attempted to give you ways to comfort her. This is what many other mothers have done for me before and what I have done for them on here. Unexplained crying and crying because of CIO are very different.

Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:" but Adults have problems when they get used to sleeping next to somebody and then all of a sudden don't....it ... [snip!] ... that doesn't exsist with everybody but it isn't that hard to figure out. Btw that is like the longes runon I have ever wrote. "

 

I'm 20 and i can't even fall asleep on Thursday nights because SO isn't here. Imagine how a 6 month old feels.

No, I know not everyone jumped on her, I was just noticing that if I was the OP, I'd have felt badly when I read some of the responses. Being a new mom is really tough... and its easy to feel pretty crappy about things especially if you're feeling tired/crappy to begin with.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Pretender:</b>" No, I know not everyone jumped on her, I was just noticing that if I was the OP, I'd have felt badly ... [snip!] ... mom is really tough... and its easy to feel pretty crappy about things especially if you're feeling tired/crappy to begin with."</blockquote>




Trust me I know. I'm a first time mom too and probably did a lot of stupid smurf but the first thing OP should have done was read up on it before making choices.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Pretender:</b>" I get that this is a "public forum" and all that jazz about accepting negative and positive criticism ... [snip!] ... I don't feel is attacking me than someone who jumps right out and makes me feel like a moron right away. That's all I mean. "</blockquote>




I gotcha. I tried my best not to insult OP, but what she's doing is, IMO, wrong. I think the reason alot of us get so fired up about Cry It Out is because, as mothers, it is instinctual for us to soothe a crying baby. Just like how I can't control when my head turns towards the sound of a crying baby in Walmart, kwim?

It's an attempt to help her child that we sound like total bitches towards OP. It just deeply saddens me to hear of any person, especially a trusted person like a doctor, encourage a mother to go against her instincts and let her child cry. All in order to force upon the infant a sleeping arrangement that it very well may NOT be ready for.

Quoting saageex3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Pretender:</b>" No, I know not everyone jumped on her, I ... [snip!] ... mom too and probably did a lot of stupid smurf but the first thing OP should have done was read up on it before making choices."

I feel the same way about her needing to read up on stuff before trying it out, but I tried my best to put it in a way that wouldn't make her feel like a smurf bum for doing it wrong. Thats all I mean.

Quoting A is Me:" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Pretender:</b>" I get that this is a "public forum" and ... [snip!] ... and let her child cry. All in order to force upon the infant a sleeping arrangement that it very well may NOT be ready for."

For some of us, the instinct to want to trip over my own feet to console a crying baby just isn't there.

At least for me, it wasn't.

I, admittedly, have poor maternal instincts with kids younger than 3. I did my best to trump my nature when my 4 year old was a baby/little one-- and I was only able to do that because I KNEW what was appropriate and what wasn't partly due to my training in healthcare and partly due to common sense. Honest to goodness- my instinct when I hear a crying child is to run far far away/avoid the child. I didn't give into that because I desperately wanted to be a good mom and knew that being a good mom meant making every effort to soothe your baby even if it makes you uncomfortable. For someone who doesn't have the motivation that I had, however, the thought that "the baby is crying because it's a brat" or "because it wants to" could cloud the good sense one needs to actually go and comfort the baby.

Also, I don't automatically assume that everyone become instantly emotionally bonded with their newborn/infant from birth. Having that bond makes the "connection" that much easier that crying baby = baby in distress = I need to nuggle nuggle that baby! I can say that I LOVED my daughter from birth but I also have to say, sadly, that I didn't bond with her until much much later. There were many reasons for that that I simply won't get into here...

.... that was all just a really long way to say that the OP may have chosen the CIO method for the wrong reasons... and instead of being like, "don't you love your baby enough to cuddle it when it cries?!!?" I'd try a different angle to show her that it probably isn't the right choice for her.

Again, I have NO idea if these apply to OP or not, just saying... I try to avoid making people feel like bad mommas when I can in cases where people are just tying to get help

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Pretender:</b>" For some of us, the instinct to want to trip over my own feet to console a crying baby just isn't there. ... [snip!] ... just saying... I try to avoid making people feel like bad mommas when I can in cases where people are just tying to get help"</blockquote>




True. You've done a good job of showing another side to this. I was kind of "mama bear" from the moment my son was born. I hope OP reads this and can somehow benefit, whether she shares a similar experience or not.

Quoting A is Me:" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Pretender:</b>" For some of us, the instinct to want to ... [snip!] ... from the moment my son was born. I hope OP reads this and can somehow benefit, whether she shares a similar experience or not."

I guess I sometimes see myself in a lot of struggling young ladies. It's pretty obvious to me when people just haven't been blessed with the mama-instincts that some of these 'born to be a momma' types have. While I would LOVE to say that I was one of the women blessed with maternal instincts I definitely CAN NOT. A zebra can't change it's stripes. But as long as I try my best I can be proud of myself.

Quoting -Mama Jo-:" It was my husband that did it last night (I fell asleep I was so exhausted; not on purpose..), so I don't ... [snip!] ... I would like her to go to sleep in her crib without crying for so long, and without depending on us to soothe her to sleep."

Oh my god, she is a baby, that is your job.

Wow.

Can I ask why your pediatrician gave you the okay to CIO? Three kids, youngest being 6 months on the 4th of March, same pediatrician and NEVER once has he mentioned CIO. Even now that our 4 and 5 year old girls are no longer "babies" he says there must be a reason. Imo, 6 months is WAY too little to make a child CIO. And don't go from co-sleeping to forcing her to cry for hours because it's not going to help anything. Take TINY steps. She'll eventually sleep in her own bed, on her own terms, but please don't force her to do it. She's so little, she's going to wake to eat/be changed, it's not normal for a child under 1 to sleep all night long. A part of parenting is dealing with the rough times. BTW, I've co-slept with all three of mine and getting them to transition when THEY'RE ready was much easier than trying to force them.

Coming in a little late so didn't read all the responses.. but the best way I've heard to do it is to get the baby used to the crib first... like napping in there or putting him in there when you need a few minutes for whatever... but napping in there for sure FIRST. It's easier when you wait until they are sleepy and you can put them in there awake, let them fuss/cry for a few minutes then go back in and soothe (any way that works, picking up is ok imo)... try again. At night it's harder because there just seems to be pressure to get LO to sleep by a certain time or whatever, and you'll be tired, everyone wants to sleep. So if you do this daily for nap times and he goes to sleep without a fuss... THEN work on bedtime. good luck.