re: So I told her...

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" Oh I've given her a real chance. ... [snip!] ... think you should have done it and if the material was handy you just give it because family gives freely without expectations."

It wasn't one or 2. It was 10 hats. And she's the one who suggested the trade. Not me. I suggested it be a baby shower gift, she wanted to do the trade.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" It wasn't one or 2. It was 10 hats. And she's the one who suggested the trade. Not me. I suggested it be a baby shower gift, she wanted to do the trade."</blockquote>




Ehh, regardless if it's 10 or 2. Like I said I've probably been raised different. We even give family appliances, computers, cars and so on when needed.

Quoting CurlyDimpledLunatic!:" So I just sat here and read this whole thread and the one you posted the other day or whenever it was ... [snip!] ... obviously they aren't worth your time, especially someone who seems to outright dislike your son like you say your SIL does. "

I think she also dislikes him because technically she's not related to him. He's mine from a previous marriage, that combined with his SN problems, I think really makes her dislike him more. Although she will put on a good face and be nice to him when he's allowed (when we're all allowed over to her house).

I really want to just cut her our entirely. It's like my sole goal in life, to be just be rid of her. But unfortunately since I'm married to DH, I'm kind of stuck with her. Her crazy antics, and I'm forced to go along with it. I try my hardest to not let it bother me, but it really does it. My family isn't like this. We all are accepting we don't force each other to do things we don't want to. We all agree on something or we don't do it all. We don't try to one up each other(and my brother could totally do that easily). It's just so EASY.

And it's one of the reasons why my husband would rather do family gatherings with my dad and my family in comparison to his own.

We had it really easy when they moved to CA but now they're back and it's back to their old tricks and it's so hard.

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" It wasn't one or 2. It was 10 hats. ... [snip!] ... or 2. Like I said I've probably been raised different. We even give family appliances, computers, cars and so on when needed."

The way I was raised, we don't charge either. Or it's minimal. She even paid for the yarn and everything. It made it so much easier to give it as a gift.

But she insisted on the trade, and with how much insisting, I thought it would be a good idea. She has a degree in interior design, having her design my home and my paint colors would have been a dream. So I was really looking forward to it! The anticipation was just building till we closed on our house, and she even came out and looked at the home to get ideas.

She instead bailed. So it was really heartbreaking.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" The way I was raised, we don't charge either. Or it's minimal. She even paid for the yarn and everything. ... [snip!] ... on our house, and she even came out and looked at the home to get ideas. She instead bailed. So it was really heartbreaking."</blockquote>



I understand it is disappointing but if you had intended them to be a gift anyway I think you need to stop clinging to it. I life has enough horrible things in it to let these things keep dragging you down. My mom is a HORRIBLE person to me and has been my entire life. I accept that she has many flaws, limit things that bring them to the forefront and appreciate the good. It's all I can do really. Same for you.

For everyone else reading.

There's so much to this story rather than her having a giving heart. It's something that as a family, including my MIL and DH and my BIL, they've been dealing with her for over 10 years. I however for almost 5. When I came into this family, I really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She definitely couldn't be as bad as everyone made her out to be. Maybe they were all wrong about her. When I first met her I knew they had to be wrong. Just had to be.

I gave her several chances to prove herself other wise. The saying your going to do something, going back on your word, then all the gifts, it is something that is extremely hurtful and awkward. It may be hard for you to understand because your not living through it, and that's ok, especially since it is far easier to call me crazy, because like I said, you don't have to live through this. She's not alienating your child. She's not showering your child with gifts that she wouldn't allow her child to have. She's not agreeing to commitments then changing her mind like an hour before. No one here lives through this but me. Therefore no one can know how bad it is but me.

I have made good strides since Christmas. I have been working on really cutting her out of my life. I shouldn't have to live my life according to her plan and her ideas. However, this family, most certainly, lives very much according to her. If she says something, this family jumps. She does it with her children, and she does it with us. We always have just always gone along with her and always laughed and said, "Well you know how she is."

It's a work in process. Yeah so maybe I didn't need to jump all over her about giving actual gifts for Easter for just my kids. But I feel like if I just let her walk all over me all the time, I'm never going to be almost rid of her. I should only have to tolerate her at family gatherings and that's my goal.

So for many of you, she may sound like a dream SIL, but you most definitely don't have to live through what I do. I'm not an easily jealous person, I don't get easily offended, and I'm very happy with where I'm at in life.

I however don't tolerate people walking all over me and forcing me into things they want me to do because they say so, and when things like that happen, yeah I loose my cool. And probably what happened here.

I also wasn't the one who initially got upset about the Easter gifts. My husband is the one who said it first, and I agreed.

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" The way I was raised, we don't charge ... [snip!] ... has many flaws, limit things that bring them to the forefront and appreciate the good. It's all I can do really. Same for you."

I'm guess I'm really not upset about losing on the hats. I mean I've given her hundreds of dollars of merchandise over the years.

It's the ultimate let down of having my house designed by a professional because I've always wanted that, having her walk through the house, and then having her tell me that she couldn't do it.

When you have 4 months of anticipation build up, it's a big let down when it doesn't happen.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" For everyone else reading. There's so much to this story rather than her having a giving heart. It's ... [snip!] ... I also wasn't the one who initially got upset about the Easter gifts. My husband is the one who said it first, and I agreed. "</blockquote>




By the sounds of your op she walks all over you and you e only just "stood up " to her

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I'm guess I'm really not upset about losing on the hats. I mean I've given her hundreds of dollars ... [snip!] ... tell me that she couldn't do it. When you have 4 months of anticipation build up, it's a big let down when it doesn't happen."</blockquote>




I understand that I really do. But I think it'd behove you, for your own sake, to try to let it go. I've had many things I've dreamed of come close then lose it. It's not worth staying unhappy over, it won't fix it. And who knows, in 10 years you may both grow into different people and learn to like each other. My sil and I did that. I never would have thought that was 14 years ago we'd be friends.

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I'm guess I'm really not upset about ... [snip!] ... people and learn to like each other. My sil and I did that. I never would have thought that was 14 years ago we'd be friends."

I was just talking to DH about something similar. It's like how much longer do we have to deal with her doing these things to us? When will it stop? Will she ever change? Maybe I will too.

The things she did to me in the first 2 years, I've been able to 90% let those goes.

Alienating my child, even to the point where she won't take her kids to my MIL's when he's there or knows he's going to be there, that, I'm still not there.

Like I said there's so much more to this situation.

Now I've broken down to tears. This is going to come back to me, how I'm the bad guy.

Like when she got pregnant last time and it wasn't planned. So to shift the blame from our MIL being upset with them because they can't really take on another child, she officially told our MIL that my husband "forced" me to get pregnant and that our 3rd child was all DH's idea.

So we had to endure 2 weeks of pure torture from my MIL until I set the record straight. It's like how did she even know to say something like? Way to go!

I'm trying I really am. I think I'm finally at my breaking point. I may just not care anymore.

Quoting Onalee's Mummy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" For everyone else reading. There's ... [snip!] ... and I agreed. "</blockquote> By the sounds of your op she walks all over you and you e only just "stood up " to her"

There's just so much more to the situation. so much more. That's all I can. I finally just broke down. Maybe I am the bad guy in this situation. I just hate the way she treats us and makes us feel.

Even if she doesn't out right say the things to me, they're implied and hurtful.

I guess I shouldn't of said anything.

DH just confirmed that my MIL agreed that my son is NOT allowed to be around her son. Even to the point that that when her son is at my MIL's, my child isn't supposed to be there.

I guess my MIL has probably been telling her that we just drop him by I guess. I don't know.

Now I'm hurt on a whole different level.

Why are we not allowed at her house unless she says?
If she hates my child so much, why does she buy him gifts in the first place?


I'm just lost.

honestly i would cut her out completely. especially if your husband is not a big fan. It might upset some people but so be it. guilt trips are only successful if you feel bad and you will likely feel good about cutting them out of your life. A lot of people are like her. I married into a family that my husband's mom is like her a lot. She is always the victim and everyone jumps when she says jump. I cut her out of our life completely. i don't have time for her drama or abuse and i won't put up with it. if she makes you feel bad it is because you let it keep happening by still allowing her in your life. that sounds harsh i know but we can only be treated how we let people treat us. if she isn't in your life then she won't treat you bad. just put your foot down and say sorry we won't be there for easter and possibly send a gift card for a gift. phasing out doesn't work it has to be all or nothing to be completely effective.
people are rude, just ignore it. no one knows the real story except the people in the situation. i don't think any of us should pass judgment.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I was just talking to DH about something similar. It's like how much longer do we have to deal with ... [snip!] ... say something like? Way to go! I'm trying I really am. I think I'm finally at my breaking point. I may just not care anymore."</blockquote>



Relationships evolve and revolve. You gotta do what you feel is right at the moment.

Quoting one of each 4 me:" honestly i would cut her out completely. especially if your husband is not a big fan. It might upset ... [snip!] ... just ignore it. no one knows the real story except the people in the situation. i don't think any of us should pass judgment."

The worst part about this situation, is if we don't go, it may be the only time in about 6 months that we're allowed at her house and that she'll allow her son to play with my son.

And that's the part that hurts the most. He loves that little boy so much. He doesn't understand that she doesn't like him.

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I was just talking to DH about ... [snip!] ... not care anymore."</blockquote> Relationships evolve and revolve. You gotta do what you feel is right at the moment."

Your very right.

I think DH said that I will have to get through Easter. And then after that he doesn't want me to talk to her at all. And to cut them out as much as we can.