annoyed at DH vent

DH works, he has a full time job, works mon-fri and most Saturdays from 7am to 3pm. He is the sole provider for our family and I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. So let me start by saying that I realize, he does work. While he's at work I do all the normal things I'm supposed to do as a SAHM. I cook, clean, take care of our 19 month old, get DD on and off the bus etc. Then in the afternoons DH gets home and while I'm helping DD with homework, still taking care of DS, getting dinner ready, doing baths and story time DH gets a 30 min. Shower and then sits in the living room on his Xbox. He does not get up unless he has to pee or dinner is ready and even then, he only moves to the table. I bring him his food and his bring. Then we go downstairs for bed and while I'm putting laundry in the washer and folding clothes, getting the kids tucked in, he's laying in bed on his IPhone. Every day is like this. This Saturday he was off for once and he did this same thing all day long. I couldn't even get him to ride in the car to Kroger with me while I picked up stuff to make brownies for his coworkers. The weather was great but he wouldn't go to the park, or even outside, nothing. I'll ask him to help me with something, like change DS's diaper and hell say "hold on" or just ignore me and 30 min. Later I'll end up just doing it. Today, his food in the oven burned because I asked him to get it out and then I went to the bathroom, of course he didn't get it. So I sat down to talk to him about it today and he seriously ignored me the whole time. Then when I was starting to get ticked because he was ignoring me on his iPhone he just got up and left. I wasn't yelling or anything, just trying to talk to him, telling him how I would really like him to help and that sometimes I'd like to get 5 min. To read on my nook or something but I have to wait until everyone's in bed to get even 5 min. Etc. then I got up and followed him and told him that just leaving wasn't gonna fix it and he ignored me, went and got in the shower. HOW DO I GET HIM TO REALIZE THAT THIS IS SERIOUS!?! I don't know why he can't just discuss this with me. It's a major problem for me, the only thing he does at home is wash the dishes. :/ it's driving me crazy!!! Even if he just put his Xbox and iPhone down for 10 min. And watched DS so I could read or check my Facebook with out DS climbing all over me, and DD needing something. It took me forever to just type this because I'm also playing cars with the kids while DH is in the bathroom.

He doesnt interact with his children at ALL? That seems really really screwed up. And I'm not sure there is a way to get him to understand when he is intentionally blowing you off and ignoring you when you are speaking directly to him. Maybe next time take his phone when you need to talk to him >.<

When does he do the dishes if he's constantly on his iPhone or Xbox?
I would take his phone from him, look him in the eye, and say, "This is serious. Are you ready to talk to me or would you rather my lawyer contact you?" Maybe that will wake him up.

Quoting Mrs.Mud:" "This is serious. Are you ready to talk to me or would you rather my lawyer contact you?" Maybe that will wake him up."

LOL yes this. Why bother being with him when he's like that when you can just rake in the alimony and child support and have a nice boyfriend who WILL listen to you at the same time? XD

<blockquote><b>Quoting SaucyPoppet:</b>" He doesnt interact with his children at ALL? That seems really really screwed up. And I'm not sure there ... [snip!] ... and ignoring you when you are speaking directly to him. Maybe next time take his phone when you need to talk to him >.<"</blockquote>




Well, DD plays Xbox with him sometimes and he talks to DS and stuff while he's playing and we are are out at church or something he does them both fine, it's just the majority of the time he's on his Xbox or iPhone. And what makes it worse is that if he's playing bad he turns into a giant bitch too. I've never taken his phone. Maybe tomorrow while he's at work I'll put his Xbox up somewhere and grab his phone when he gets home and is in the shower then sit down and try to talk with him. He just acts like its no big deal or just ignores me altogether when it really is a big deal to me. I get that he wants some "me" time and that he works all day but like, all the time?

<blockquote><b>Quoting SaucyPoppet:</b>" LOL yes this. Why bother being with him when he's like that when you can just rake in the alimony and child support and have a nice boyfriend who WILL listen to you at the same time? XD"</blockquote>




Lol it doesn't seem like it from this post but besides this we have a good relationship. On the rare occasion that we spend time together (which is usually Sundays) everything is great. It's just our normal everyday routine that's pissing me off. It's like he's stuck in a rut, doing this smurf all day everyday and I can't get him to change it because that's like all he's interested in. If I could get him interested in taking the kids to the park or something I know things would be better but he won't listen to me.

Quoting SaucyPoppet:" LOL yes this. Why bother being with him when he's like that when you can just rake in the alimony and child support and have a nice boyfriend who WILL listen to you at the same time? XD"

 

Yeh it's understandable he wants me time, but he's also married and needs to communicate with his wife if he wants to stay that way.

Though next time he tries to sex you I suggest you start messing with your phone and ignoring the smurf out of him and see how he likes it lol

The only thing - How the hell do you get him to do the dishes?!? lol

But, you're mad at him for being glued to an electronic device because it takes away from time that you could be on one? I would have a bigger problem with him not being an active member of the family then not having time to be on facebook or the kindle.

I was in the same position about two years ago, except I also worked full time on top of everything else. It took me telling him to move out for him to realize what he had. I told him i was done and to move out, if he didnt I would. He moved out for six months, i briefly dated someone during that time and thats when he realized how close he was to losing everything he had. That gave him a reality check, he has since moved back in and has made a complete turnaround!

If he wants to behave like he's not part of the family...do exactly that. Pretend he's not there, don't make his plate, don't do his laundry, don't do anything for him. He needs to wake up and realize that being a father and a husband is more than just providing. It's a shame he's acting like that, I feel horrible for the kids.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BareFootBabyMaker:</b>" The only thing - How the hell do you get him to do the dishes?!? lol But, you're mad at him for being ... [snip!] ... have a bigger problem with him not being an active member of the family then not having time to be on facebook or the kindle."</blockquote>




Lol, he's anal about them, if I don't get them done fast enough, he does them because he hates when there's dirty dishes there.

I've gotten onto him about not acting like we are a family too, it's just this piticular time I got made because I just wanted to relax for a second and he was on his iPhone completely ignoring me.

<blockquote><b>Quoting iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien:</b>" If he wants to behave like he's not part of the family...do exactly that. Pretend he's not there, don't ... [snip!] ... being a father and a husband is more than just providing. It's a shame he's acting like that, I feel horrible for the kids."</blockquote>




Thank you! Thats a really good idea.

Honestly, I'd give him an ultimatum. I didn't get smurfing pregnant and have a family ALONE!! So I won't raise one alone. If he still didn't change at least a little, then I'd stay at my moms until he called. If no call, well...That should tell you everything. But I'm sure he'll snap out of it, you might just need to flip on him or something.

Quoting BRowell:" <blockquote><b>Quoting iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien:</b>" If he wants to behave like he's ... [snip!] ... It's a shame he's acting like that, I feel horrible for the kids."</blockquote> Thank you! Thats a really good idea."

I love the idea, I would def. do something like that!