Sibling Bday Parties and Autism

So, my baby girl is the birthday girl today! She's a whole year old! Today we are just doing cake and ice cream/presents with a small group of family. My son is 4, and autistic/nonverbal. He has really made some great strides in the last few months but his social skills (I guess this falls under social) are still lagging. Today is supposed to be about my daughter, and her special day, and I know my son will wreck and try to hog the presents because he thinks EVERYTHING belongs to him (no kidding). So I bought him a small gift for when she starts opening her presents, I plan to give him his because I know he will run off to the side somewhere to open/play with his and most likely leave hers alone. I'm also going to bring his iPad so he has something else to focus on while she does gifts.

I guess I'm just wanting someone to tell me I'm not doing wrong by buying him a small gift on her birthday (even though I know I most likely am, I just don't want my daughter to be one of those kids who is constantly in the shadow of their SN siblings) and ask if anyone has similar experience or suggestions other than the iPad.

I had my son help with everything from the get go concerning his brothers party..including the theme.(I let him pick from 2) I let him help with decorations, balloons, ect. Alot of the time I just let him feel in control of the situation because thats his thing..if he doesnt have control he flips out.

I let him choose the characters we put on the cupcakes.. I let him put sprinkles on. I also let him blow out his brothers cupcake..

I let him help open presents, I just kept a close eye on him..for any sudden change or shift in the eyes..because I wouldve removed him. My youngest son didnt mind either, so I just went with it. Thats the type of mom I am though.

I say just keep an eye on him and if he starts feeling awkward, remove him and give him an activity to occupy him.

My personal style is to make it as comfortable and easy for my son, even if it isn't his party. His meltdowns could cause strain for everyone if I don't. He doesn't care about parties or other people's presents normally but if he did, I would bring either a comfort item for him to focus on. If that didn't work, I'd do the same as you did. But I would also make it a tradition for the other sibling also - do it for both of them.

I am sure people would consider it spoiling him but I am more about making sure everyone has a good time and something small like a gift for him to open isn't a big deal if you look at the whole picture.

<blockquote><b>Quoting CrapBag.:</b>" My personal style is to make it as comfortable and easy for my son, even if it isn't his party. His meltdowns ... [snip!] ... everyone has a good time and something small like a gift for him to open isn't a big deal if you look at the whole picture."</blockquote>




This was also my thought. He did very well today all told. I think the dual gifts is just going to be their thing because it worked.