re: Affectionate families.

Quoting doors33:" My immediate family isn't really into the whole mushy gushy stuff. My mom and I say we love each other ... [snip!] ... SO. Thank God. Being affectionate is ok, but I promise, if you were there, you would agree with me... they bordered on creepy."

That sounds like my family, I don't think we're creepy.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" Do you come from one? I can't remember the last time I kissed my mum, or hugged her, or even told her ... [snip!] ... affections with. I sincerely hope that we can always be like this and that they don't have the kind of issues I deal with."

My mom grew up with a father whose affection was linked to sex and a mother who never showed affection (I mean never) and told her she loved her only once in my grandmother's entire life. My experience however couldn't have been more different. Both of my parents are are very loving and affectionate, and still to this day will make sacrifices for the happiness of their children. Since my birth my mother has been committed to breaking the cycle perpetuated in her childhood. I commend you for breaking that cycle for your own children. They will be grateful!

Yes and no. Yes with my dad, no with my mom. She's not affectionate at all. I enjoy her one adult to the next now, but TBH she was not a good mother at all. She only said, "I love you" either as a weapon (immediately followed by doing/saying something to hurt me) or when she knew she'd really smurfed up. She hugged me only when I hugged her, and stiffly at that. She never once apologized for anything she did wrong, or even admitted to it, even when everyone else knew she was wrong, she was just too proud and power-tripping to apoloigize to a child. I can't recall ever sitting on her lap or having her care for me in a way that wasn't just about getting through necessary tasks.

Like where my mom would brush my hair only to get the knots out and shoo me off to school, my dad often brushed my hair slowly and nicely, because it calmed me down and because I loved having it braided and brushed.
My mom never made an effort to do things with me, if we did anything it was because I took an interest in her hobbies, and hers alone; my dad would try things with me, get involved in what I was into, and bring me into what he was into.
My mom would stick a bowl of cereal in front of me, my dad would wake me up 10 minutes early and we'd cook eggs together or something.
My mom would snap, "Because I'm your parent/the mom/the adult," or "because I said so," my dad would explain, negotiate, compromise, take a vote, or allow me to make my case and depending on how well I did so, accept or deny my case. And always give a reason regardless.

Little things like that added up over the years. Whereas I'm still very close to my dad, I have a certain level of friendship with my mom but not much of an emotional relationship.

I'm an affectionate person to family, very close friends, and of course my DD.

<blockquote><b>Quoting 🌠 Maia's Mama:</b>" Yes and no. Yes with my dad, no with my mom. She's not affectionate at all. I enjoy her one adult to ... [snip!] ... mom but not much of an emotional relationship. I'm an affectionate person to family, very close friends, and of course my DD."</blockquote>



My mother was always very affectionate, but as far as her parenting style, was EXACTLY the same as your mom. I am 26 and still have never heard an apology from he regarding anything. The only explanation she ever thought she needed to give me was "because I said so". It was really difficult to grow up with a parent like that. There was plenty of affection and we heard "i love you" often, but it was as if I didn't count as a human being or member of the family. My dad was much more open to discussion and trying to let us have a voice.

I came from a family like yours, they weren't very affectionate at all with eachother when I was a child, and it's just gotten worse since was then. My Dads side of the family is just as cold as my moms, so I never got affection from either side. With the exception of my Mom and Grandma, none of them are cuddly.

On my dads side, they're way worse, my dad hugs me once in a blue moon, but I can't remember a time when he said I love you. Even when I was a little kid, he was a hard ass, and every time I'd cry (as children do) he'd yell at me to suck it up and grow up. Dads not very cuddly lol, but he's improved a LOT in the last few years, and we're a lot closer now, we have an understanding even if we're not affectionate with eachother. He's affectionate with DD though, which is wonderful.

For myself personally, I am very affectionate with DD, but sometimes I can be a little too stern. With my SO, I still find it hard to really be that way, it was impossible for me the first few months to just initiate a hug or holding his hand, kissing him, telling him i loved him, etc. I'm slowly getting better about being cuddly, because he has been patient with me and he's been cuddly and warm even when I've been icy and standoffish lol. He understands completely though, so I'm thankful. Things are improving because I'm making a conscious effort. I'm a lot "warmer" than I was back then, and it's strengthened our relationship.  

Our family is very affectionate. I'd find it strange to be in a family that is not. We never leave without hugs or I love yous. We never hang up the phone without saying it either. I would hate if something had happened to one of them and our last words not be I love you.

DH and I say it at least 10 times a day to each other. I'm glad he's the same as me.

Quoting Jude ♥ JGL:" My family is VERY affectionate. Hugging, kissing, lots of I love uous."

 

My family is the same way. We usually hug & do the quick cheek kiss to say bye, but other than that I don't remember us ever being really affectionate. Last time I hugged either of my parents was NYE. Last time I told them ILY, or they told me was...I don't remember. And a kiss, that's been even longer.

I'm really affectionate with my husband and our kids though. I hug/kiss them & tell them I love them a million times a day. I cuddle with my kids almost daily, since DH works graveyard shift they even crash with me sometimes. I try to show them my love as much as possible because I didn't get that as a child.

We were until my mom got depressed and sick. then it all stopped, she used to get frustrated and ended up spanking us. That's when all the affection stopped. But I still have the want to be, and hug/kiss my grandma and treat my kids with lots of affection.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" Do you come from one? I can't remember the last time I kissed my mum, or hugged her, or even told her ... [snip!] ... affections with. I sincerely hope that we can always be like this and that they don't have the kind of issues I deal with."

My family was kind of like this. The only difference is they never showed much affection but I always told them "I love you" when leaving or hanging up the phone. Only because my Mom told me once that you should always tell someone you love them, even if you're angry with them, because they may not be there tomorrow.

As far as expressing thanks, or kisses and hugs, not so much.

It took me so long to get where I could show proper gratitude and thanks to someone. I also was never comfortable with hugs from friends, I'm still not really.

SO and I tell eachother "I love you" like a billion times a day, especially when we're pissed at eachother, lol.

I shower my kids with hugs, kisses and "I love you"s because I never want them to feel unloved.

My father was very affectionate, my mom not at all. My DH, kids, and I are all very affectionate with each other. I can't imagine not hugging or kissing your family ever.

My family's not affectionate at all and it's sad. I wish they were. I would kiss DS all the time because I never had that before.

Not really, no. I don't feel that it has affected me negatively though. Even though my parents didn't hug me and say I love you to me all the time, they still showed that they loved me and my brothers. I've never thought that they didn't care or question their love for me. It's funny though, since I moved out it seems like we have been a little bit more affectionate. If I go a few weeks without seeing them, when I do see them, they'll give me a hug before I leave. My says I love you kind of frequently now. I don't remember the last time my dad said it to me, but I know he does. He's a very withdrawn person and doesn't show emotion very well. I'm not very affectionate either. SO is constantly trying to cuddle me and I'm just not feeling it. I don't feel awkward or uncomfortable or anything, I just like my space haha. I am very affectionate with my DD though, I'll never stop hugging her and telling her I love her.

No but my husband did. We're both affectionate towards each other and our children. It's harder for me than him but I'm working on it.