I can't get over it. Please help me. Please

You know when people use the expression "I gave him my heart''. Well I literally did. It's been over a year since I left my husband. He was abusive mentally, physically, emotionally etc... He decided not to be a part of our two year old's life as well when we were done.

I still cry everyday. I can't grasp the fact that i'm really alone now. I can't get over the things he said and did to me. He's always on my mind and as crazy as it sounds, I miss him. Why? He cheated on me, hid the fact that he had kids already, lied, hurt, and tried to strangle me to death on august 28th. I still remember every single detail. He turned 33 this week. I remember every detail of his life.
I. just. can't. get. over. it.

I try to convince everyone that i'm happy but the truth is I cry myself to sleep every night. I have nightmares every single night. I have panic attacks or meltdowns everytime I leave the house because everything reminds me of him. I see and hear him everywhere I go but he's not really there.

My family rolls their eyes everytime I tell them when they ask what's wrong. Then they change the subject. Apparently I missed the deadline for getting over my failed and broken family. I have no one to hold me or hug me. I haven't been touched in so long, I just wish my parents or siblings would hold me tight and tell me that i'm going to be okay, but that's just not the way they are. I feel like the black sheep. I feel so alone. I miss my ex husband and I don't know why.

I just want to stop hurting. I want to close my eyes and just sleep forever or just enough to wash away the pain I feel inside.

Have your tied therapy?

Can you get into therapy? And honestly? a year isnt that long to cope with something like that. I still have my moments where I miss my smurfer of an ex [my oldest sons father]. And its going on 3 years we havent been together. It takes time. <3 I am here if you ever need to talk.

Maybe try talking to a professional would help? I'm sorry you're having such a hard time  

It sounds like you may have PTSD and codependency issues. Plus you're just plain sad. And that's all okay. You NEED therapy though. And you deserve to be happy!! Just remember that. It's going to be ok.

Quoting Buzz and Almond Joys momm:" Have your tied therapy?"

yes I go to therapy every week. It doesn't help.

Wow, I am SO sorry hun. Often, the effects of an abusive/controlling relationship can be felt months and years later. Sometimes, women in abusive relationships begin to sympathize with their abuser, which is why so many stay. It sounds like this man may have left a long-term, very serious damage and I would highly suggest you speak with someone about it.
And in regards to your family - I'm sure they roll their eyes because they feel like he was awful to you and the wrong person for you, not because they don't care. Good luck girl, I hope you can talk to someone and start to feel better.

Quoting .Solange.:" You know when people use the expression "I gave him my heart''. Well I literally did. It's been over ... [snip!] ... I just want to stop hurting. I want to close my eyes and just sleep forever or just enough to wash away the pain I feel inside."

I could of typed everyone of those words before I went to get on medicine and go to counseling. I'm here if you need someone to talk to

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Can you get into therapy? And honestly? a year isnt that long to cope with something like that. I still ... [snip!] ... sons father]. And its going on 3 years we havent been together. It takes time. <3 I am here if you ever need to talk. "

  
Its been over 3 years since I got out of an abusive relationship and I still panic attacks about it and think about it. I wish I could just forget about it and feel like its been long enough but its hard. *hugs*

Quoting O ♥ G:" It sounds like you may have PTSD and codependency issues. Plus you're just plain sad. And that's all ... [snip!] ... plain sad. And that's all okay. You NEED therapy though. And you deserve to be happy!! Just remember that. It's going to be ok."

I have borderline personality disorder. I'm a failure

Quoting .Solange.:" yes I go to therapy every week. It doesn't help."

Maybe try a different therapist? The person you talk to is super important. Coming from personal experience, the right therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist can make all the difference  

this totally sound like PTSD. You've affiliated yourself to something, and are unable to let go and recreate a new existence.

If therapy is not working, get meds/change you meds and FOR SURE change your therapist.


Im saying this as nice as I possibly can...reading your post you DO sound crazy. You need better help, I wish you luck

Quoting .Solange.:" I have borderline personality disorder. I'm a failure"

Borderline Personality Disorder doesn't make you a failure. You're getting help, that is what's most important. Really consider speaking with someone else though, you deserve to be happy and in time you will get better  

Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:" this totally sound like PTSD. You've affiliated yourself to something, and are unable to let go and recreate ... [snip!] ... Im saying this as nice as I possibly can...reading your post you DO sound crazy. You need better help, I wish you luck"

Thanks. I just wish I hadn't read the last sentence. That was kinda a trigger.
Maybe everything he did was normal and im the crazy one. I know i'm crazy. Maybe that's why everyone I love seems to disappear. I hate myself

Do you have any girlfriends?

I think it would do you some good to just get away from everything for a little bit. Maybe go on a vacation...even if it is just a hotel room with a Jacuzzi tub in it...and have fun for a week/end.

Then you need to go do something nice for yourself. Maybe a new haircut/dye. Do something to boost your confidence.

If you are medications right now, you need to talk to your doctor about switching you until something works for you.

You deserve much better than him, I hope you know that. He is nothing but a punk. Don't let him win. He was just a tiny bump in loooong stretch of highway that is your life. You have so many years ahead of you and you will find someone who is worthy to know everything about. If you keep fixating on him, you might miss that person.

It has been four years since my abusive relationship. Sometimes he pops up in my mind, but it just keeps getting better. Honestly, it is better of thinking of him like he died.