am I being unreasonable?

Dd is 5 years old her dad has court ordered supervised visitation from when she was a baby but over the years I slowly started leting him spend extra time with her, then take on the visits alone, and more resently I have allowed over night visits. None of this I had to do but felt it would be good for both of them. But ever since he started keeping her over nights her behavior and his has been deplorable. Dd is lieing as is he and acting out a lot. She is acting entitled and bratty and conpletely disrespectful. Dds dad has been bringing her back way later than he agrees upon. Asking me to put her in nice things so he can take her out then brings them back ruined. And when I try to talk to him about dds behavior he disregards it and says it is not his problem or responsibility. I have had it. He keeps bringing her back sick and exhausted on top of everything. So today I told him that he will not longer be allowed to keep dd by himwelf and we will be going back to supervised visit. Do you think I am over reacting? I'm so exhausted and stressed that even though I feel I am making the righ decition I could be wrong.

Sorry for the spelling I'm on my phone.

No, you're right. There was a reason the visits were Supervised. He needs to prove he can do what it takes to be a responsible Parent. Disregarding behavioral issues and being neglectful aren't cutting it. You're doing exactly what you should.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" Dd is 5 years old her dad has court ordered supervised visitation from when she was a baby but over the ... [snip!] ... and stressed that even though I feel I am making the righ decition I could be wrong. Sorry for the spelling I'm on my phone."

I don't think you are. and it IS his problem, it's his child. If he wants to have visitation with her and overnights, then he is just as responsible for raising her and disciplining her as you are.

If you've tried to talk to him about it, and nothing has changed - I would go back to the original visitation agreement. He sounds (from other posts I've read) like an smurf that wants to be a dad when it's convenient for him and not actually parent.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" Dd is 5 years old her dad has court ordered supervised visitation from when she was a baby but over the ... [snip!] ... and stressed that even though I feel I am making the righ decition I could be wrong. Sorry for the spelling I'm on my phone."

Yeah.

Unless there is a back story with her being only with him supervised, I don't see how that is fair.

Maybe talk to him what isnt acceptable behavior and what he needs to do to discipline. Then send her to him in play clothes and tell him he needs to provide his own set of clothes if he wishes to change her outfit.

Let him know her schedule and talk to him about needing to stick to the routine or she becomes grumpy/exhausted. Also, he needs to let you know beforehand if he is going to be late with the drop off because it might interfere with plans you have with her.

<blockquote><b>Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:</b>" I don't think you are. and it IS his problem, it's his child. If he wants to have visitation with her ... [snip!] ... (from other posts I've read) like an smurf that wants to be a dad when it's convenient for him and not actually parent. "</blockquote>




That is exactly how I feel.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" <blockquote><b>Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:</b>" I don't think you are. and it IS ... [snip!] ... wants to be a dad when it's convenient for him and not actually parent. "</blockquote> That is exactly how I feel."

you are doing HIM a favor by giving him extra time that you don't have to since it wasn't agreed upon in court. If you gave him rules, and he isn't following - then you have every right to take away the leeway you gave him. Maybe it will make him realize you are the mother and what you say goes since he isn't a very involved parent.

<blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Yeah. Unless there is a back story with her being only with him supervised, I don't see how that is ... [snip!] ... let you know beforehand if he is going to be late with the drop off because it might interfere with plans you have with her. "</blockquote>



He was abusive to me and blinded me in one eye and took he as a baby and when into hiding for two weeks. I've already done all these thing and it doesn't help. He even goes as far as to say he should have to provide clothes for her since he pays child support but he is way behind on it.

Not being unreasonable at all! If he cant take the responsibility of a parent and discipline like he shld when sh doesnt behave.. then do what the court has ordered.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" <blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Yeah. Unless there is a back story with ... [snip!] ... He even goes as far as to say he should have to provide clothes for her since he pays child support but he is way behind on it."

Um, Hell no. That douche is lucky he even get to set eyes on her at all.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" <blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Yeah. Unless there is a back story with ... [snip!] ... He even goes as far as to say he should have to provide clothes for her since he pays child support but he is way behind on it."

then smurf him. After all that, I wouldn't even think about giving him any more time than what court mandated. You were too nice and he took advantage of it. Definitely go right back to how it was before you gave him that extra time.#deadbeatdad

Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" Yeah. Unless there is a back story with her being only with him supervised, I don't see how that is ... [snip!] ... let you know beforehand if he is going to be late with the drop off because it might interfere with plans you have with her. "

how is she being unfair? how would you feel if your child's father wasn't parenting and going against all rules you set for your child? He's taking advantage of her sincerity.

<blockquote><b>Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:</b>" then smurf him. After all that, I wouldn't even think about giving him any more time than what court ... [snip!] ... too nice and he took advantage of it. Definitely go right back to how it was before you gave him that extra time.#deadbeatdad "</blockquote>




Yeah I know I'm to nice. I just hate the idea of dd missing out on having a dad I guess but that's to him she already is. Though dh has always been a great dad to her.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" <blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Yeah. Unless there is a back story with ... [snip!] ... He even goes as far as to say he should have to provide clothes for her since he pays child support but he is way behind on it."

I didn't know the back story.

However, it is your right to do that and I don't blame you. I wouldn't want my child spending time with an abusive man either. If he wants it to change, he will just have to take you back to court.

And the whole not buying his own clothes because he pays child support is BS.

Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:" how is she being unfair? how would you feel if your child's father wasn't parenting and going against all rules you set for your child? He's taking advantage of her sincerity. "

Everybody parents differently. ((shrug.))

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" <blockquote><b>Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:</b>" then smurf him. After all that, ... [snip!] ... idea of dd missing out on having a dad I guess but that's to him she already is. Though dh has always been a great dad to her."

but at the same time she isn't really getting the picture of what a REAL dad is then, from him I mean. He isn't really being a parent to her. I know you want her to see him, but is he really being a good father to her or just taking her for his visitation?