Not coping very well :/

*don't quote please*
Yesterday was the last time I'm gonna see my ex in possibly years. (with the exception of when out baby is born)

I'm so upset and all I want to do is lay in my bed and cry and I'm scared I'll look for something to numb myself. I broke down last night and my friend helped to calm me enough that I just went to sleep instead but i can't rely on her like that every time I start thinking.

I don't understand why, I don't want to be with him anymore other than as friends.

I feel so guilty for keeping this baby knowing its father won't be around.

That sounds tough. I had an order of protection against my BD at some point, and it was extremely hard. Why aren't you going to see him for years?

That sound incredibly tough. I'm sorry you're in that situation.  

Does he not want to be in the baby's life?

He's going to boot camp then for his other training he's going to be in Virginia and yesterday he said he will most likely be deployed after that and he wants to go to Afghanistan.

He says he wants to be and he's gone to all my appointments so far so I feel like he actually does but with all those circumstances I don't see how he will be able to.

He's never mentioned what were going to do after the baby is born. Its like his plans drop to only include his future. I tried to talk to him about it yesterday and he said we would figure it out when the time came.

sounds like you should be focusing on your future, while he's working on his
you can only control your small part of the world
you can control what YOU do, and what kind of a parent YOU are
and what kind of person YOU become

try to focus on that, not on him.

My future is set.
I'm finishing out this semester, having a baby, staying home with it as long as I can then going back to school.