I dont even know where to start

Wendsday My brother who is 10 months younger then I passed away in a tragic car accident.. im trying to hold it together for my daughter (shes not coping well with it at 5) and for my family.. i feel like everything i say someone turns around.. like my mom keeps bringing up how she is so lucky she just got to see him (she told me not to go with her on the trip to see him because i had kaylee starting a new school) she doesnt get that i didnt get to hold and hug him the day he died i did tell him i loved him but the last time i physically saw him i told him i hated him i didnt even hug him good bye that last time even though we made up wednes.. she told me tonight shes not stressing on the momorial because she got to see him and tell him how much she loved him so she has a great last memory.. i dont have that so im sitting here trying to plan everything deal with my daughter and my self.. and i dont even know where to start

i cant talk to her about it because she starts crying or saying i shouldnt use the fact she saw him and i didnt agienst her..

im the only one dealing with family memebers calling , friends calling. when all i want to do is shut down but if i shut down kaylee shuts down and its not fair to her

my mom told me kaylee told her its her fault my brother moved away and died. i cant tell my mom that kaylee blamed me as well. its my fault that when i stopped working in december he no longer got to baby sit her and h e moved away

i wait till like 3 in the morning and just cry.. ive hardly ate and im not sleeping because im just so sad.. but i want to get everything done so that its done and over with so i can grief.. but my mom doesnt even care if there is a rememberence are something.. im the one talking to people about funds so we can have the momorial and hopefully buy a placard for the cemetary so we have some place to go.. and today she announces "maybe we should just get something to put at a park or the river and she got mad because i was offended i dont want drunk people and gangsters tagging it.. and i was called selfish..

nobody understand why i just want to get this all done.. my mom is grieving and getting her time to cry but im not because i feel like if i fall apart everything falls apart

sorry for rambling

I'm so sorry... *hugs* <3

I am so so sorry.   <3

and im angry at the driver.. im angry that my brother didnt have a seat belt on even though they said the end result would of still been the same regardless if he wore a seat belt or not.. im angry at the driver for taking his eyes of the road even for a split second causing the truck to go 1000 feet off a mountian but yet hes alive and my baby brother isnt.. but yet i cant say these things because its selfish

<blockquote><b>Quoting JessicaMatlock :</b>" and im angry at the driver.. im angry that my brother didnt have a seat belt on even though they said ... [snip!] ... to go 1000 feet off a mountian but yet hes alive and my baby brother isnt.. but yet i cant say these things because its selfish"</blockquote>




It sounds aweful :-(. If you need to vent or just talk about it I am sure no one here minds. My mother and uncle passed away ( uncles death was violent nature) and sometimes just talking about what happened made things feel somewhat better

Jessica, I'm just reading this. I'm trying to keep up on FB, and my heart breaks for you. You are a strong person, and it's okay to cry, be angry, selfish etc. It's all part of greiving. I am sorry to hear about your brother. <3 If you need to talk, you can always message me.