I miscarried my baby last week. He/She had died two weeks earlier according to ultrasound and I had a D&C a few days later. This is not my first miscarriage, it's actually my 4th but this was the furthest I'd made it before miscarrying. All the others were at 4/5 weeks. Basically I would find out and even before that first appointment I would lose it. This time I made it to 11 weeks. I'd seen the heartbeat, imagined her(I just knew it was another girl) face, debated names with my kids(I have 7 others), and dreamed of her. The hardest part was having to tell all my other children. They were sad of course but are handling it well. There were some major defects with my baby, even if I had carried her to term she would not have made it. I think God was being kind, and while I know he could have cured her, I think he did in his way. He took her to heaven where she would never have any pain and where my children would not have to watch her die.
I think I've kind of just ignored it. I almost feel bad being to sad, I have 7 children and I wasn't planning this baby, but I can't help myself. I may not have planned her but I did want her. Losing a baby isn't just losing a baby, it's losing the dream of what his/her life should be like. It's losing the plans you made. I'll be okay, I know that just a little sad tonight and don't want to bother anyone else. Sometimes it's just nice to write it out.