Quoting IDGAF ❤:" Well what if they just called her mom but knew she was really just a good friend of your mom & was ... [snip!] ... 2nd moms lol...never had any harm from it...they loved me like their own kid's too so that is why they were like my 2nd moms/"

Yeah this was my thinking too.

I think thats weird...I don't understand why the child can't refer to the friend as an aunt vs mom. I wouldn't want my son calling my best friend mom. I can see how it would be emotionally damaging if that other "mom" walked out of their lives.

The only way I would see it as harmful is if the other woman decides she wants to leave. Then the child will be losing a very important person in their life, like if a father were to stick around for a few years and have the child bond with him and then just drop off the face of the earth.

Quoting Butterbeer:" I'm assuming that "the other mom" takes an active role on the upbringing of said child if the kid is ... [snip!] ... her "mom". As it would have the same effect whenever a child stops seeing somebody who is of big importance for the kid."

I feel like it would be more damaging for a child to lose their "mom" then to lose their mom's best friend.

To ask you a question i've asked others- would you find it weird if she had a male friend, just friend, that the child was calling 'dad'?
or if the dad had a female friend the child was calling 'mom'?

i'm also talking about the child being raised from birth using this title- before they can comprehend any sort of difference.

My best friend and I kind of HAVE this arrangement - except their father is not in the picture. She was with me for child birth, raising them, if I needed someone she was who was there. She is as emotionally invested in raising these children as anyone other than myself COULD be. If anything happens to me, they are to be raised by her.

And the walking out thing could happen regardless even if there wasn't a 2nd "mom" people walk out on their kids all of the time. I mean sure it could be more likely that someone who wasn't the actual biological parent of the child could walk out...but I mean couldn't that be the same thing as a single parent who is with someone for awhile, the kid gets to know their SO as their parent & then they break up and the SO that wasn't the actual biological parent walks out & never has anything to do with that child again, it could have the same consequences...

Quoting laura+2.5:" I think thats weird...I don't understand why the child can't refer to the friend as an aunt vs mom. I ... [snip!] ... son calling my best friend mom. I can see how it would be emotionally damaging if that other "mom" walked out of their lives."

And it would be.
And if the "other mom" was presented an opportunity that would take them away, would they feel obligated to stay for a child who wasn't really their child- but just an idea that sounded good between best friends at one point?
or when 'other mom' has her own kids?
or dad meets someone new, marries, and now has mom, mom, and step mom?

i see so many issues with it.
i think others would too if they looked at it from another viewpoint (like dad having the child call someone mom, or mom having the child call a male friend dad)

Quoting IDGAF ❤:" And the walking out thing could happen regardless even if there wasn't a 2nd "mom" people walk out on ... [snip!] ... actual biological parent walks out & never has anything to do with that child again, it could have the same consequences..."

So it's just another situation to set your child up for unnecessary, emotional pain?
Why do that?

Quoting IDGAF ❤:" Well what if they just called her mom but knew she was really just a good friend of whoever's mom & ... [snip!] ... 2nd moms lol...never had any harm from it...they loved me like their own kid's too so that is why they were like my 2nd moms/"

and calling your best friend's mom's your "2nd moms" i feel is different than raising a baby/toddler who isn't given the choice, just learning the title of having another mom.

Quoting KNZ.:" And it would be. And if the "other mom" was presented an opportunity that would take them away, would ... [snip!] ... at it from another viewpoint (like dad having the child call someone mom, or mom having the child call a male friend dad) "

i definitely agree. i wasn't raised to think that you go around and refer to whoever as "mom". i almost view it as a respect thing or like you saying that you love someone. you don't teach your children its okay to go around saying they're in love with everyone, why would it be considered okay to call multiple people mom/dad if those people are not in committed relationships with the biological mother/father.

It's a little weird but I don't see how the title/pet name of "mom" would make the loss of someone close actually FEEL any different if "mom" stopped coming around.

Quoting KNZ.:" I feel like it would be more damaging for a child to lose their "mom" then to lose their mom's best ... [snip!] ... i'm also talking about the child being raised from birth using this title- before they can comprehend any sort of difference. "

It would depend how close the child is to this person. If a child is calling someone "mom" or "dad" is because there's some sort of love and affection. What if the bio mom or dad is not around but this other person whom the child calls mom or dad is?

It is all relative, IMO.

In the case of a child calling a mom or dad's friend "mom" or "dad", if it were happening to me, I'd only feel it weird if my friend felt uncomfortable with this.

If I had a strong friendship with a guy and this guy really helped me out with my kid because he loves me - in a non romantic way- and therefore, loves my kid, and if said guy felt comfortable with my kid calling him "dad", I wouldn't find it weird at all.

It all depends on their relationship, I guess. The relatinship of the friend and the child. I've seen some cases like this, where the friend of one parent helps with upbringing of the kid and the kid sort of looks at that person as a parent.
My dad was not around much however, my mom's brother - my uncle- sort of took a role of father to me. To me, he is more like my dad than my bio dad. I've told my uncle that. But yeah, knowing he was my uncle , that didn't give me the chance to call him dad. I already knew he was my uncle, lol

Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" It's a little weird but I don't see how the title/pet name of "mom" would make the loss of someone close actually FEEL any different if "mom" stopped coming around. "

cos i feel like it's different when it starts from the time of birth, when they can't differentiate between what's a "pet name" and the difference between mom and "mom".

like, would you think differently if dad was having a female best friend called "mom". or if mom's best friend was a dude and she raised her child calling him "dad"?

Quoting KNZ.:" cos i feel like it's different when it starts from the time of birth, when they can't differentiate ... [snip!] ... was having a female best friend called "mom". or if mom's best friend was a dude and she raised her child calling him "dad"? "

I mean, I just don't think it's a big deal I guess, either way. The title doesn't change or dictate the relationship to me. As long as everyone's grown up enough to not get into some major brawl and then walk out of the kid's life, it's whatever. And even then, that walk out wouldn't hurt less/more because of what the person was called. To me.

Quoting Butterbeer:" It would depend how close the child is to this person. If a child is calling someone "mom" or "dad" ... [snip!] ... that. But yeah, knowing he was my uncle , that didn't give me the chance to call him dad. I already knew he was my uncle, lol"

I couldn't do that.
My son's 'dad' was never in the picture, and even in my most serious relationship he didn't call the person dad, because i wouldn't want him to lose a 'dad' if something were to happen. So i can't imagine having some best friend take that title while 'playing that role'.

I think it's being irresponsible with a child's emotions.
Just because they'd be capable of eventually handling dealing with that 'mom' or 'dad' leaving- doesn't mean it's okay to unnecessarily set them up for something like that.