re: CIO issue

<blockquote><b>Quoting Shelby Chappell:</b>" he still doesnt agree. he will never do it. i wont do it, i dont feel right about it. i dont know what ... [snip!] ... end up feeling like the big smurf... to upset to talk about it but he's wrong. i know he's wrong and i wont go with his demands"</blockquote>




Good for you mama. I know its hard, but sometimes it is okay to put your foot down. Maybe it would help him to do some research on child development? If he understood that a four month old isn't capable of learning a lesson perhaps he'd be less eager to put all three of you through unnecessary stress. I know parental rights are 50/50 and compromise is a must, but in your situation I'd probably put my foot down too.

Ugh I wish. When he said as baby gaga I was like HAHA be prepared to be proven worng, but even then it didnt work. I'm still putting my foot down and I do not agree with it at all. It's just one of those things we wont agree with on parenting. I think it is comletly wrong and he see's no problem with it. Even if I present him with proof and findings, he still wont care. Dont get me wrong, he is a great dad for the most part but this is the one big thing we dont agree one and I know I have grounds to stand on with the argument.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Shelby Chappell:</b>" Ugh I wish. When he said as baby gaga I was like HAHA be prepared to be proven worng, but even then it ... [snip!] ... dad for the most part but this is the one big thing we dont agree one and I know I have grounds to stand on with the argument."</blockquote>




It's difficult, especially with a first child. My partner and I went through a ton of growing pains when DD was born about when she was ready for certain things, and eventually over things like discipline. We still disagree a lot over the difference between a tantrum and just being upset. I'm cool with her expressing that she's unhappy. She's allowed to cry when she's sad, and she's also allowed to "win" if I said no to something without considering her feelings and later realize I was wrong. He's way more zero tolerance with screaming and crying and tends to get strict he interprets it as a tantrum.

Did your DH tell you WHY he's so convinced a four month old needs to sleep train? Like what does he think is going to come of this? It's not like he's suddenly going to stop needing feedings, diaper changes and comfort at night if he just cries it out enough. He's four months old!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Shelby Chappell:</b>" My husband says that 30 minutes leaving our 4/12 month old is ok enough to teach him boundires. I say ... [snip!] ... I dont agree with his methods at all. I hope this shows him that leaving an infant to cry for 30 minutes straight is NOT OK"</blockquote>




"Train" ?! An infant is not a pet. You don't train them. You teach and guide them. Personally I would not do the CIO method at all. Dr Ferber was the one who introduced the CIO method and he had no phsycological training at all. He came to the conculsion that yes the baby will eventually stop crying but he did not know the effects it would have on the infant. It will tramatize a child and make it hard for him to trust people. He will stop crying because he has given up an lost hope not because the problem is resolved. Going in to check on him may even tramatize him more because you will see him upset and not do anything about it and he may believe you are taunting him. Babies are demanding. That's what you signed up for. Cuddle the bugger. Don't worry about training him. Make him feel loved. You can't spoil an infant.

CIO creates stress...stress of that level creates cortisol in his system and cortisol kills brain cells. It's a serious matter...If I were you I would do the research and show him the proof! Even if you don't think it will change his mind. Either way, do NOT let him win this one!!! If my SO said that to me he would get a foot in his ass!

Quoting Shelby Chappell:" My husband says that 30 minutes leaving our 4/12 month old is ok enough to teach him boundires. I say ... [snip!] ... I dont agree with his methods at all. I hope this shows him that leaving an infant to cry for 30 minutes straight is NOT OK"

you SHOULD NOT do CIO until 6 months at the very least if ever, dont let him care for the baby if he just lets your LO cry for that long, that poor child.

i wouldnt personally ever let my lo cio though, he was a difficult newborn up until 5 months and i wouldnt dream of that. he now goes in his cot with a bottle and puts himself to sleep he learnt to by himself no need for cio.

yea I dont know what was up his ass last night. DS got fussy because he was tired and was ready to go to sleep. He always gets fussy when he's tired, its nothing new. All it takes is me to either give him a bottle or nurse him to sleep and he is out for the whole night. He has been sleeping through the night for over a month now (yay!) But last night my husband just got so pissed off over nothing. He was a complete ass. He was saying if we keep picking him up when he cries he's going to learn that its ok for him to cry and whine until he gets what he wants. HES NOT EVEN 5 SmUrfING MONTHS OLD! thats insane. He wants me to compramise to 15 minutes of crying and I said not a chance in hell. When DS is older and can understand things I wont let him cry to get things, I'll teach him that just because you're crying you aren't going to get what you want. But hes still a baby. UGH I am still so angry about this. I will try and show him all the studies and show him all the replies to this and argue until im blue in the face about the subject. He is just so stubborn and he got pissed because I wasn't listening to his side of the argument...well he wasn't listening to mine. GAH im sorry im getting myself so worked up again over this. My eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying last night...why does he have to be such a stubborn ass sometimes.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Shelby Chappell:</b>" yea I dont know what was up his ass last night. DS got fussy because he was tired and was ready to go ... [snip!] ... over this. My eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying last night...why does he have to be such a stubborn ass sometimes."</blockquote>


You have every right to feel that way. I get mad just thinking about it, even when it's not my son lol. Good for you for sticking your ground! Good luck!

Quoting Shelby Chappell:" My husband says that 30 minutes leaving our 4/12 month old is ok enough to teach him boundires. I say ... [snip!] ... I dont agree with his methods at all. I hope this shows him that leaving an infant to cry for 30 minutes straight is NOT OK"

I think you should wait to do any CIO until at least 6 months. That is typically what is recommended by professionals I believe. You can start at just 5-10 minute intervals and increase the length of time before you go in by 5 minutes each time, but again, I would wait until your babe is a bit older. I'm not a huge fan of the method either. My husband pushes for it more so too. I think it's a lot harder on moms than dads to hear their babies cry!

I don't want to even attempt it at all. For the most part our DS is an easy baby. He has his days where he is so utterly fussy and nothing calms him down but hes a baby. He will do that. Thank you all for the support though. I know he crossed a line with me yesterday with this whole issue.

Quoting Shelby Chappell:" I don't want to even attempt it at all. For the most part our DS is an easy baby. He has his days where ... [snip!] ... baby. He will do that. Thank you all for the support though. I know he crossed a line with me yesterday with this whole issue."

I found this helpful - http://www.phdinparenting.com/blog/2008/7/5/cry-it-out-cio-10-reasons-why-it-is-not-for-us.html
i'm sorry hes being a dick   4 months is way too young. Tell him to do his research before he makes suggestions like that