Small Vent

I hate how moms are just expected to take their baby with them everywhere and can't get things done more quickly not to mention just do something ALONE. Like go shopping for instance. I need clothes for interviews that I have lined up. My SP is going to watch our 3 year old which I'm grateful for, but she mostly plays independently so I mean all he has to do while I'm gone is take her to potty and just check on her while she plays. But I'm expected to being the 11 week old with me. I don't have a stroller or infant carrier right now bc 99% of our thing are packed in a pod which is in storage til SO closes on the house. I just have the bare essentials so I guess I have to put her in the carrier and wear her. Idk I guess I just will not be trying on clothes lol. It's just slightly annoying that dads can come and go as they please and get their things done alone but moms always either have to drag their kids along or be responsible for finding child care when dads ate usually fully capable of watching them theirselves.

Not all dads are like that. If I needed to go shopping or something and couldn't/didn't want to take the kids, I wouldn't. He's their parent too.

That's annoying. My DH takes the kids all the time so I can do things. You should talk to your SO about that.

That's not all dads. If I need to do something and its more convenient to leave DS with DH...then I do and DH doesn't give me any grief. If you're looking for clothes what's the point of going if you can't try anything on?

<blockquote><b>Quoting SavageDarling🌙:</b>" Not all dads are like that. If I needed to go shopping or something and couldn't/didn't want to take the kids, I wouldn't. He's their parent too."</blockquote>




I mean technically I could. But then he would probably rush me. And I don't want to be rushed. I'm making it sound like he's terrible and he's not. He watches our 3 year old whenever I need him to and would take the 11 week old if I absolutely needed him to. But it's just annoying that he doesn't have enough confidence to watch the 11 week old without me. Practice makes perfect ya know? And I know he's perfectly capable of it. I suppose I COULD just tell him he has to watch her and let me go alone.

I just think of it as my job..if your baby is 11 weeks take her in in her carseat and set it in the floor of the dressing room while you try on clothes.

My husband and I were talking about this not too long ago when I was having a hard time adjusting to where we live, since we live so far from family and friends.

He was telling me that I need to pick up a hobby, so I can have something of my own, and I told him that I feel like it's pointless at times because of our son. DH was saying that I'm overreacting about DS and I asked him when he has a doctors appointment does he ever think about who is going to watch DS? How about when he gets called into work at 2 am or has to leave town for the week? How about when he wants to work on something when he has a day off, does he think twice about who is going to watch our toddler? No, he doesn't. I'm not complaining about having to watch our son since we both agreed for me to stay home, but I rarely get a break and if I do it isn't enough time to concentrate on a hobby because DS is always up my ass.

The only time I get a true break is at night, which is a joke because I can't stay up all night to enjoy my hobby only to wake up and take care of DS.

My husband gives me breaks, but they're far and few in between since he isn't home often.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BareFootBabyMaker:</b>" I just think of it as my job..if your baby is 11 weeks take her in in her carseat and set it in the floor of the dressing room while you try on clothes."</blockquote>


I could definitely do that if I had a carseat that was a carrier. I have the MyRide65. I could stop and get a small cheap umbrella stroller, but that's annoying to have to make an extra stop and spend extra money just to go get something done.

<blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" My husband and I were talking about this not too long ago when I was having a hard time adjusting to ... [snip!] ... to wake up and take care of DS. My husband gives me breaks, but they're far and few in between since he isn't home often."</blockquote>


Yeah that's what I mean. I'm not talking about just in my current situation. Most of the time, it's the mothers responsibility to line up child care. And for me, that's the most stressful part of having a child besides potty training lol.

Quoting O ♥ G:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" My husband and I were talking about this not too ... [snip!] ... responsibility to line up child care. And for me, that's the most stressful part of having a child besides potty training lol."

It's frustrating at times. I mean, like I said, we agreed on me being a SAHM and all, but this move has really done a number on me. Actually multiple moves. I've, for the most part, been away from my support system since I was pregnant and DS just turned 3.

It's not my husband's fault nor am I mad at him because he does all he can for me when he is around. But, I don't think he realized (until that point) how different it is for him and I when we need to get something done without DS around. I'm always here, there is never a question about it, so that concern doesn't ever cross his mind.

<blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" It's frustrating at times. I mean, like I said, we agreed on me being a SAHM and all, but this move ... [snip!] ... done without DS around. I'm always here, there is never a question about it, so that concern doesn't ever cross his mind."</blockquote>


That's a pretty common issue with parents of young children. My husband had the same mindset and in order for him to change the way things were, I had to change the way I thought about it. I had to expect the same from him that he got from me in respect to watching the kids. When dd was a few months old I just told him one day that I was going out, there were 12 bottles of pumped milk in the freezer, two in the fridge, and the weather was supposed to be nice to feel free to take a walk. Then I left for the entires day. I went shopping with my sister, grabbed lunch, got my nails done and a hair cut. I got home after they had already had dinner and everyone survived. He was frazzled because he wasn't used to being the solo parent, but he had to get used to it and I needed the time to myself. No as long as he's not working, he knows he's expected to be around in case I have to go somewhere and if he had plans the same day I do, we have to decide who takes the kids or skips their plans, it's no longer automatically me, we take turns.
You really need to start thinking of him as an equal parent and make him see himself that way too.
Tell him you have to try on clothes do you can't take the baby and you will call to check on them, do not call unless there is an emergency. He will survive, they all will. And like you said, practice makes *progress*.

Quoting 624582:" My husband and I were talking about this not too long ago when I was having a hard time adjusting to ... [snip!] ... to wake up and take care of DS. My husband gives me breaks, but they're far and few in between since he isn't home often."

DH and I have the same issues. I am constantly thinking when I have something to do about who is going to watch DD. Heck, I don't start work for 2 1/2 more weeks and am already trying to coordinate her daycare schedule. He just says I'll be back and leaves.