major gender disappointment

I've always wanted to have a son. I wanted a boy with both of my pregnancies and got girls instead. With my oldest DD I got over it quicker because she was my first born. With LO it took me a little longer to get over, but I don't think I completely got over it.

I just had a miscarriage at 6 weeks along. The pregnancy wasn't planned, but I kept thinking to myself maybe, just maybe this could finally be my baby boy! I'm devastated over the miscarriage all together, but I'm feeling a major bit of depression over the fact that every opportunity I've had the chance to have a boy has just been ripped away from me! I don't know what I've done wrong in life to be denied something I've desired so strongly. I know people who have aborted because they didn't want the gender they had, then get pregnant again with the gender they did want. I know people who say they got the gender they wanted because 'they wanted it bad enough'. It just upsets me so and makes me feel jealous of moms that do have sons.

I know I probably sound immature about all of this. I know I should be happy with my girls and accept that I have them and that they are healthy. I do love them, I really do, I'm grateful for them everyday! I just always pictured myself raising a little boy and it makes me sad that it looks like I may never get that. With the way things are going with DH after this pregnancy and miscarriage I have a strong feeling he's never going to want us to have another baby. I went to a therapist for this gender disappointment after LO was born, but I really didn't feel any better after it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I really just wish I would get over it and that these feelings would go away.

Gender dissapointment is completely normal. I am sorry for your MC. I honestly think you have a lot on your plate to contribute to your depression. 1. MC's are heart wrenching. 2 the baby blues could play a huge role in how you feel. I am sorry for your loss mama. Give yourself and DH some time to recover and I am sure you will try again. Good luck

There for a while I wonder if when I miscarried if it was because my body could not grow a little girl. Guess what though I did get my girl. Its not up to you. The male sperm determines the gender not your vagina so you have no control over that. It is in God's time. Im sure that you will get a little boy if it is meant to be. IF not you will get two awesome Son in laws.


I think what you are feeling is normal. Try to show your husband how happy and how much you do love the little ones you have. I think us being happy at home is the biggest turn on to our men and makes them want to make more babies. Pray about it and then give it to God.

i still have gender disappointment with DD. i wanted a baby boy soooooo bad. i absolutely love and adore my little girl, but god i wanted my boy  

just take some time to recover and breathe for a bit and maybe try again?

I am sorry you are having a hard time right now but you said
"I don't know what I've done wrong in life to be denied something I've desired so strongly." And this is just not how pregnancy works. Just because you want a boy and have not had one has nothing to do with how you have lived your life. So try not to think that way.

If you only want a boy their are things you can do to try and have one or think about adopting. But plenty of moms who have boys wanted girls.

Quoting October Rust:" I've always wanted to have a son. I wanted a boy with both of my pregnancies and got girls instead. With ... [snip!] ... after it. I don't know what to do anymore. I really just wish I would get over it and that these feelings would go away."

There is some research that indicates certain couples are fare more likely to have a particular gender. To make it simple, eggs will only let female sperm in. If the male produces mostly male sperm, then that may be a fertility issue. It's 50/50 chance... you're only 2 in. I'd be conserned after the 4th one. lol If it is that important to you, why don't you adopt?

I am sorry you are having a hard time right now but you said
"I don't know what I've done wrong in life to be denied something I've desired so strongly." And this is just not how pregnancy works. Just because you want a boy and have not had one has nothing to do with how you have lived your life. So try not to think that way.

If you only want a boy their are things you can do to try and have one or think about adopting. But plenty of moms who have boys wanted girls.

My best friend had 3 boys, she still struggles with gender disappointment. I'm really sorry it's so hard on you.

Quoting Is that still my name?:" There is some research that indicates certain couples are fare more likely to have a particular gender. ... [snip!] ... 50/50 chance... you're only 2 in. I'd be conserned after the 4th one. lol If it is that important to you, why don't you adopt?"

I don't think adopting a boy would help. I want to carry and give birth to a boy of my own.

I really hope I'm not coming off as selfish or immature. I really don't want this to be getting to me as bad as it is. I try so hard to think of the possibility that I could get my chance in the future, or try accept that if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. I don't know why this is so hard or such a big deal to me. I try not to think about it, but it still just gets to me...

I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I feel just like you do, I have two daughters and I want a son so bad, but feel like it will probably never happen.
I wish you all the best.

I feel you. I feel I was cheated out of getting to parent my DD for the majority of her life. I want nothing more than to have another girl but I don't think it is going to happen. DH is one of 11 kids from his dad and all but 3 are boys. Dh and I already have 2 boys together so we are pretty sure he is going to fallow in his father's foot steps and pretty much just produce boys. However unlike his parents we are not willing to have more than 1 more child.

Quoting October Rust:" I don't think adopting a boy would help. I want to carry and give birth to a boy of my own. I really ... [snip!] ... to be. I don't know why this is so hard or such a big deal to me. I try not to think about it, but it still just gets to me..."

I think if you just figure out WHY it is so important to you, you will be able to move on from it. Anytime something is bothering me severly, I have to stop and figure out WHY...then I can move forward. Gender disappointment is normanl. I personally cannot relate.

Thanks for all the replies you guys! They're very helpful!

Quoting October Rust:" I don't think adopting a boy would help. I want to carry and give birth to a boy of my own. I really ... [snip!] ... to be. I don't know why this is so hard or such a big deal to me. I try not to think about it, but it still just gets to me..."

I don't think you are. I have 2 daughters and a son but if I had only had one or the other I would have been very upset and had a hard time dealing with it. I'm happy with my 3 kids but if I had only girls/boys I would have wanted to keep trying because I would have felt like my family wasn't complete. Some people do, some don't and I don't think it's wrong AT ALL to be disappointed if you don't have both. I may be thinking of the wrong person but your country only allows 3 c-sections and you've already had 2 right? So there's that pressure too if I'm thinking of the wrong person I'm sorry.

WRONG person, LOL I was thinking of someone out of the US. Sorry!! I mistook you for someone else.

Quoting 3 little monsters:" I don't think you are. I have 2 daughters and a son but if I had only had one or the other I would have ... [snip!] ... wrong person I'm sorry. WRONG person, LOL I was thinking of someone out of the US. Sorry!! I mistook you for someone else. "

Haha that's okay