re: How would you feel if your SO said this to you.

Meh. I don't see the big deal about marriage but that's just me.

Yesterday we celebrated 7 years together. Some marriages don't even last half that long, these days. We've had a lot of ups & downs but we've continued to fight for us and pull through it together. I knows he's 100% committed to me, as I am to him & we are both committed to our children to make this family work. We chose to start a family together, I think that's a way bigger commitment than choosing a marriage, seeing as kids are for life.

I just don't understand why women get so worked up about having to be married, I don't think it shows any more commitment, honestly... It's just what society has made women believe... The fact is that he can leave you just as easily when he is your husband, as he can if he was still your boyfriend/partner/SO... Whatever you want to call him.

Quoting ♡ ❣:" Honestly I'd be hurt that he wouldn't even listen to why I wanted to.. maybe ask why he is so against it?"

I know the marriage was horrible, I only know about the last two years. I think he doesn't want to repet history

<blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Lauren + ?:</b>" I know the marriage was horrible, I only know about the last two years. I think he doesn't want to repet history "</blockquote>




Their story is theirs not yours.

Quoting Not tellin:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Lauren + ?:</b>" I know the marriage was horrible, I ... [snip!] ... about the last two years. I think he doesn't want to repet history "</blockquote> Their story is theirs not yours."

That I know but telling him that another story.

That's where we are at, SO doesn't want to get married but wants me to change my name. I'm cool with it, we just haven't done it yet.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Lauren + ?:</b>" That I know but telling him that another story. "</blockquote>




Then I would say he needs some counseling to get over that. I still wouldn't be TTC

Quoting Not tellin:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Elliot Reid:</b>" I can see why other people would be upset, ... [snip!] ... have no issue doing it in front of "god" (if that is their belief) or legally. A change of the name doesn't make them married."

I guess I was thinking if he didnt want to be committed to her, he wouldnt let her go through all the trouble of changing her name. And from what ive seen, the wedding is all for the female anyway, out of my married friends (and theres not many of them) its always been about the woman, for the woman (the wedding, I mean), and the guys just go along with it to keep them happy. I would only want a guy to marry me if it is what he truly wanted also, not just to keep me happy.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Elliot Reid:</b>" I guess I was thinking if he didnt want to be committed to her, he wouldnt let her go through all the ... [snip!] ... with it to keep them happy. I would only want a guy to marry me if it is what he truly wanted also, not just to keep me happy."</blockquote>




A name change is easy. Anyone can do it. It isn't about the wedding. It is about the marriage. There is a difference. You don't have to have a huge fancy wedding to have a real marriage.

I don't really see the big deal about Marriage. None of DH's Mother, Aunties, Uncles.... Like the Maternal side of his family except the Grandmother have ever been Married but yet all have very successful 30+ years and families, etc. Only 2 out of all my Aunties and Uncles on my maternal side are Married and again those Unmarried have had more successful and long lasting relationships and families than those 2 who have been Married. Unfortunately Marriage doesn't have the same "proof" of commitment nowadays as it used to and is no indication at all of wether or not something will last or be successful. I've known many couples who have Married and lasted only a few years and many couples who have never been Married and have no intention to and they last 30+ years and still going strong.

I don't see why people think they have the right to force Marriage upon someone who doesn't want it and never will. Some people see no point in Marriage nowadays and I think that is their right to feel that way.

DH and I truthfully only got Married just to kind of cement the relationship in a legal sense. So for instance if anything happened health wise we would automatically be the legal next of kin and make the decisions.... You know things like that. I believe it is imperative that the iron strong commitment is there prior to a Marriage and you know absolutely nothing would come between you wether you are Married or not. I find it is the people who believe that the Marriage itself that is the commitment and will hold them together, that it is something that is proof of their love, etc are the ones most likely to fail. The most successful relationships wether Married or not I have seen are those who know the commitment is iron strong within in the relationship and will last through anything and that Marriage is nothing more than a legal formality.

Quoting Not tellin:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Elliot Reid:</b>" I guess I was thinking if he didnt want to ... [snip!] ... wedding. It is about the marriage. There is a difference. You don't have to have a huge fancy wedding to have a real marriage."

And you dont need a marriage to have an amazing, satisfying relationship

I would be hurt, but I would also be thankful for a straight forward response. I think he made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to get married. You just need to decide if that is okay with you.

If I'm having this conversation with SO, then it'd because I'm considering getting married and I would like to get married. Therefore, I'd be hurt.

But it's hard for me to say anything in regards of this because I really hate the idea of getting married again, lol

<blockquote><b>Quoting Elliot Reid:</b>" And you dont need a marriage to have an amazing, satisfying relationship"</blockquote>




Like I said before, a commitment of marriage is like a test drive to the commitment of having a child. If you aren't married, you can just break up and that's it. A marriage is work to end. All relationships take work and effort to last. That isn't a secret. The way I see it is that if he doesn't want to make you his wife, why make a life long commitment of sharing a child? Not all guys/ girls fit the stereotype. That is proven. However, I am more inclined to believe in a relationship that grows and progresses rather than rushes and skips around.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Elliot Reid:</b>" And you dont need a marriage to have an amazing, ... [snip!] ... proven. However, I am more inclined to believe in a relationship that grows and progresses rather than rushes and skips around."</blockquote>


A marriage is work (just as much work as a life-committed relationship) until someone wants a divorce which is just an expensive break-up.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ryloonjimama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Elliot Reid:</b>" ... [snip!] ... is work (just as much work as a life-committed relationship) until someone wants a divorce which is just an expensive break-up."</blockquote>




Yes but, statistically proven, a couple that is married and going thru a rough patch will try to work out their issues and most do rather than divorce over a non married couple. Is it the cost and mess of the divorce or is it the idea of the marriage commitment? Realizing for couples to make it past 5 years of marriage this day and age on their first marriage is incredibly rare to begin with, non married couples fit the same category only less make it past the 5 year mark.