Deal breakers/opinions

If you are pro-choice would it be a deal breaker if your SO/DH expressed to you that he was pro-life or vice versa? Is there any particular differing stance that you're not willing to accept? Do you feel that your SO's views must align with your own for your relationship to work or for you to respect him?

I ask because my husband and I do not agree on a lot and honestly had our timeline not panned out the way that it did I probably would have never even considered a friendship let alone marriage with DH if I knew his views beforehand. The views that my husband has are typically the views of those that I avoid friendship with because they're about controversial subjects that often lead to nasty arguments rather than healthy debates. But, some how it has worked out for my husband and I. We're able to respectfully debate and share our views, so leaving him has never crossed my mind. I do view my husband as one of my best friends, but when I take a step back to really examine him and his views he doesn't match up with my ideal.

We agree to disagree on the subject and stay away from them.

This is why I hate facebook...makes me hate some of my friend I have known for years because of stupid rants on there about hot topics like these.

No. He's welcome to his opinion.

My husband is prolife.

Well I think if for instance I wanted to terminate based on medical grounds n my dh didn't I'd say screw him do it anyway n if he can't see my point of view and get over it, see you later.

We agree on most things n if not I argue till I can't speak so he backs off right away

It helps agreeing. But love will conquer. My husband and I were on different pages. But we both sat down and explained why and now came to an agreement. Plus when he met me he didn't have kids. I had three from a previous marriage and also I am really into health and medical. So I studied things and took many stances on it. Threw him many different scenarios. After he really thought about it and I showed him facts and research he went my direction. But no way is wrong. Everyone is different and raised different so we all see it differently. But it does help to agree.

If I was married to someone who was pro-life, he can make sure to get fixed once we are done, and there is no talking about it and no wiggle room. I can't, or I would. I would have an abortion in an instant if I felt like I couldn't handle a pregnancy, or the kid resulting from said pregnancy.

Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" We agree to disagree on the subject and stay away from them. This is why I hate facebook...makes me ... [snip!] ... me hate some of my friend I have known for years because of stupid rants on there about hot topics like these. "

  

It's one thing to debate in a respectful manner, but it seems nearly every rant or debate I see on FB is full of name calling and ignorance, and often turns threatening. I avoid debating on FB or even sharing my views with those who I know have a differing opinion because the argument isn't worth it to me.

When DH and I debate it's very different. We both come in knowing that we're not going to agree with the each other, but still share our views in a respectful manner. Though some times we will playfully call each other names or mock the other, but it's never meant in a way to piss the other off and we both know that. We have never blown up on each other over a debate.

My husband and I had a lot of very frank conversations prior to marriage. I could not marry someone who had very different fundamental beliefs.

We were given this book by his mother, and honestly it was amazing. I think it should be required reading before marriage for everyone.

http://www.amazon.com/1001-Questions-Ask-Before-Married/dp/0071438033

It is because of this book, and the questions it asks that we worked through so many issues.

Quoting 624582:"    It's one thing to debate in a respectful manner, but it seems nearly every rant or debate I ... [snip!] ... but it's never meant in a way to piss the other off and we both know that. We have never blown up on each other over a debate."

Oh yes.

It usually starts out with "if you don't like it, delete me!" Like, really? lol

Quoting Kayla [ ]♥:" If I was married to someone who was pro-life, he can make sure to get fixed once we are done, and there ... [snip!] ... I would have an abortion in an instant if I felt like I couldn't handle a pregnancy, or the kid resulting from said pregnancy."

See, my husband is one of those pro-lifers who deep down is pro-choice. When I've argued that point to him he refuses to call himself pro-choice and no longer identifies as pro-life, lol. Now he just says he doesn't like labels.  

I think the biggest reason why I am able to overlook DH's views as a deal breaker is because I know where he grew up. It's a very, very small town in the bible belt. My husband has always lived in those blink and miss it kind of towns until he joined the Navy, which is when we met. His family is also very into southern traditions when it comes to raising kids, for a lack of better wording. He was taught to listen, obey, and not to question the views of his elders. Ma and Pa are always right and don't you doubt it.  

Quoting speaktruth2powr:" My husband and I had a lot of very frank conversations prior to marriage. I could not marry someone who ... [snip!] ... It is because of this book, and the questions it asks that we worked through so many issues. "

I've tried asking soooo many questions before we got together, but my husband is a massive IRL troll and sucks to talk to sometimes. GRRRR  

Quoting 624582:" See, my husband is one of those pro-lifers who deep down is pro-choice. When I've argued that point ... [snip!] ... taught to listen, obey, and not to question the views of his elders. Ma and Pa are always right and don't you doubt it.  "

A lot of people are brow-beaten into thinking pro-choice = pro abortion, and refuse to call themselves as such. But that is the same on a LOT of issues. No freedom to think for themselves. lol My husband is pro-choice, but likes to get a rise out of me and says he's pro-life.   I want kids? He doesn't want anymore. I don't want anymore kids? He wants 1 more. He is a HUGE IRL troll, and it drives me batty! lol We do disagree on a lot of things, but it's not enough to make me leave him.

Quoting Kayla [ ]♥:" A lot of people are brow-beaten into thinking pro-choice = pro abortion, and refuse to call themselves ... [snip!] ... is a HUGE IRL troll, and it drives me batty! lol We do disagree on a lot of things, but it's not enough to make me leave him."

Before I had my son I was one of those "pro-lifers" who felt abortions were only 'okay' for medical reasons. Which is basically where my husband is at, his views line up with my views during my teenage years. It actually wasn't until I joined BG that I was able to learn the true definition of pro-choice.

I actually didn't express to DH that I was pro-choice until after our son, which that debate was quite humorous. He jumped to asking me if I could have aborted DS and since we had planned him my answer was no. I actually couldn't see myself ever aborting, but what works for me doesn't work for everyone else and that is exactly why I am pro-choice.

Quoting speaktruth2powr:" My husband and I had a lot of very frank conversations prior to marriage. I could not marry someone who ... [snip!] ... It is because of this book, and the questions it asks that we worked through so many issues. "

That's great. Hopefully someone planning to get married will stumble across this thread and it will be helpful to them.

DH and I moved so fast into our marriage, we barely knew each other. I still wonder at times how we've made it for as long as we have when I think back to that time.

It would definitely be a turnoff, that is for sure. Not sure if I would break up with him. Depends on how old the relationship is, where I am at in my life and if there are children involved. I definitely wouldn't leave my DH/father of my kids over something like that though.