re: What would you do?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Asher's mommy [Expecting :</b>" The thought of never seeing my mom again was more heartbreaking for me. "</blockquote>




Super.

I'm commenting as someone who as a child has seen many people directly before death due to cancer.

I wish I didn't have to see them like that.

i just wen thtew the same thing with my dad. he had head and neck cancer and passed away over a year. he never wanted anyone to see him becouse it was a sad sight and he knew people were only coming over to say their goodbyes. well he didnt want extended family over. he wanted his children there. its very hard. but saying your goodbyes makes it a tad bit easier when they pass. not much but at least you got to say goodbye and everything. i hope this makes sense. but remeber cancer has taken over and its not pretty. seeing someone dieing of cancer is one of the worst sights i have ever seen and i still have nightmares of my dad screaming in pain and how fradgile he looked. so if you have kids that can remeber it my advice to not let them see her like that. i hope everything gets better

Quoting Danielle: Jack&Basil'sMom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Asher's mommy [Expecting :</b>" The thought of never seeing ... [snip!] ... someone who as a child has seen many people directly before death due to cancer. I wish I didn't have to see them like that."

I think regardless of how hard on someone it is, they can still support the dying loved one.

OP I think at the least, your DH needs to go spend time with his mom. Im sure a huge hug would do alot for her emotionally. Im sure shes trying to shield everyone from the fear of her impending death and to hug her baby boy would do alot for her in means of comfort. He could just go sit with her, talk about how great the kids are doing ect..happy things. Even just being there to hold her hand.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BryarWoods:</b>" I think regardless of how hard on someone it is, they can still support the dying loved one. OP I think ... [snip!] ... could just go sit with her, talk about how great the kids are doing ect..happy things. Even just being there to hold her hand."</blockquote>




For an adult, sure. But I don't think my grandmother would have been displeased about 8 year old me not seeing her looking like a victim of the holocaust, retching and vomiting blood, calling me Abigail and telling me I'd grow to be just like her.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BryarWoods:</b>" I think regardless of how hard on someone it is, they can still support the dying loved one. OP I think ... [snip!] ... could just go sit with her, talk about how great the kids are doing ect..happy things. Even just being there to hold her hand."</blockquote>




I don't think anyone said she and her husband shouldn't go. I think the only suggestion was the kids don't go

Quoting Asher's mommy [Expecting :" Has anyone you love ever had cancer, out of curiosity? My mom struggled with breast cancer and I couldn't ... [snip!] ... Mimi. He honestly didn't even notice, other than the fact that she was bald. He just told her she had a cool haircut. *shrugs*"

I was 'protected' and now I feel real sad that I never got to say goodbye. Particularly to my grandad. I understand why my mum did that but I wish she hadnt.
EDIT I was 15 when my grandad died.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Bambi78:</b>" I was 'protected' and now I feel real sad that I never got to say goodbye. Particularly to my grandad. I understand why my mum did that but I wish she hadnt. EDIT I was 15 when my grandad died."</blockquote>




15 is definitely old enough ..

I think, for everyone, kids included, it's important that you go.

We've had a lot of illness and death in our family. While I don't think the kids should be around her for long periods of time, I think for your MILs piece of mind and for the kids to understand, they should see each other.

I think your mil is probably saying she doesn't want people around because she's worried about how you will all feel seeing her. I look at it this way - no regrets. Do what you have to do to have no regrets. It seems from the OP that you know if you don't go, you will have regrets, and you can't fix that once she's gone. Go.

Quoting Onalee's Mummy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Bambi78:</b>" I was 'protected' and now I feel real sad that ... [snip!] ... mum did that but I wish she hadnt. EDIT I was 15 when my grandad died."</blockquote> 15 is definitely old enough .."

Yes thats what I think now. My mums reasoning is that she didnt want my last memories of him to be in the hospital. He was in a bad way.
Knowing what I know now, I am a nurse and have seen many end of life situations and families, for me personally I would have preferred to say goodbye. It is hard I guess when you are a parent to decide stuff like this.

That's such a tough situation to be in ! Honestly, I wouldn't take the kids, my aunt just died from cancer, and while we weren't very close - I was all for bringing my kids to say their goodbyes and spend time with her. Once I seen her condition I couldn't do it, I couldn't bring them to see that ... She has since passed and I remind them of her through what pictures and stories I have left.