How to tell the grand parents NO... vent

my mother and stepfather are very well off and very into materialistic things and name brands... well SO and i are very minimalist and are about teaching DD to be happy with what she has. I recently had to ask my mother to not buy any more stuffed animals. I had horrible allergies as a child and im sure dd will too. But we also dont have the room! and im not about to get one of those nets so they can sit and collect dust. My mom was kind of offended. She said "well what if other kids get stuffed toys growing up on easter and she doesnt" Really... so i told her just because other kids kid ponies for their birthdays... should DD as well? She didnt get my point. She made me out to be this depriving mom. My kid has a ton of toys! She said when I bring her to visit she will spoil her then... seriously... its like shes trying to fight. We want to teach dd that life isnt about material items... its about enjoying what you have and life experiences. she still doesnt get it. I dont want my child to be spoiled. I want her to have everything she needs and more but my mom always goes too far with purchases. I remember when i was 11 and there was a 3 ft lava lamp for $300... i said "thats kinda cool" she took me in the store and bought it with out me even asking for it. I know its nice of her and i shouldnt complain but i dont want dd growing up thinking "well if mom wont buy it for me ill ask mima". No, if were not buying her something it isnt because we cant afford it, its because you probably dont need it. You cant grow up thinking you always get what you want. My mom said to me last month that if there are calvin klein jeans that DD wants she will buy them for her,... it was out of the blue and made no sense... why would my kid need high end name brand clothing if shes just going to ruin them or grow out of them. Mind you... dd is only 6 1/2 months... wtf...

I don't see the big deal honestly
I know where you're coming from but her buying your daughter stuffed animals and nice jeans isn't going to spoil her.

You probably won't be able to convince your mom to stop buying stuff for your DD. I tried to curb my kids' junk food habits over at my grandparents, and all I got in reply was "This is Granny's House, and they know they can have whatever they want." My grandparents finally calmed down a bit, but not totally. The way you can raise your child to not be materialistic is to teach gratitude for what they're given. My kids do receive a lot of gifts and such, but they say "Thank you" for each and every one, but we reinforced the "if we say 'no' we mean it, no running to Granny" or whoever else they think might buy them what they want.

Quoting *PeanutButter*:" I don't see the big deal honestly I know where you're coming from but her buying your daughter stuffed animals and nice jeans isn't going to spoil her."

this! we are poverty line but dd has a ton of everything lol. buying things for dd isnt what makes them spoiled. its buying them things when they have a tempertantrum for said item

Quoting *PeanutButter*:" I don't see the big deal honestly I know where you're coming from but her buying your daughter stuffed animals and nice jeans isn't going to spoil her."

its the principle that she already has way too many stuffed animal... she already has 2 totes full that i havent even taken down from the attic yet. before dd was born my mother already bought her 3 guess dresses, 4 calvin klein out fits and a gucci coat. its likes shes constantly trying to "go over my head" with things. I told her were not celebrating easter because were not religious... so she said shes sending dd a basket anyways because she doesnt want her to be left out.... left out? there are a lot of religions out there that dont celebrate easter... shes not being left out.

i guess i have a different opinion of spoiling... to me if the child has more then plenty but a ton of stuff is purchased for no reason...its spoiling... like my cousin buy her children so much stuff that when they get home, they dont even open it. shes found toys in their closet still in the package that they HAD TO HAVE.

What you're asking her to do is completely understandable.
Like, my mom had my brother at 19 and was a single mother and couldn't give my brother a lot of expensive gifts. My grandma and grandpa would buy him $100 pairs of shoes, bought him a Mustang for his first car, etc. It always made my mom feel like smurf. Not quite the same thing, but similar.
I get where you're coming from. I would just say you're trying to teach DD to be happy with what she has, like you said. If they really want to do something nice for her that would be a great gift, they could start a savings bond.
My niece is spoiled, but she's not a brat. Every birthday she has a BIG bash and gets TONS of stuff. Christmas, all holidays, she gets nice, expensive gifts. My mom politely pointed out that maybe she'd begin to EXPECT lots of expensive gifts every year.
So, they told a few family members that always bought expensive gifts to please not do that and to start a savings bond instead.

When it comes to things like this, I have my husband talk to his parents and I speak with mine. I had a talk with my mom, I told her I appreciate all of the nice things that she does for DS and how thoughtful she is for finding nice things for him. I then explain that our house is becoming very full due to all of the things that have been bought and we need to slow down on the purchases. I have also explained to them that I have a savings account for DS and I am trying to save for his future. The talk went really well. For christmas, Logan got 1 toy, 1 outfit, 1 book and a check for his savings account. IMO this is a manageable amount of gifts. Just remember that she is probably doing this out of love and for her buying things is a sincere gesture...

Quoting Krystie321:" its the principle that she already has way too many stuffed animal... she already has 2 totes full that ... [snip!] ... her to be left out.... left out? there are a lot of religions out there that dont celebrate easter... shes not being left out."

Get rid of the stuffed animals. Every 6 months I clean them out. You cant really tell her how to spend her money. A child isnt spoiled because they have nice things or a lot of things they get the spoiled attitude when they arent taught respect for those things or taught the value of a dollar. Im not religious either but we still do easter baskets and egg hunts for fun. If you want to skip easter overall just send the basket back or donate it to someone.

my mom just tries to mother her for me... and it does make me feel kind of smurffy., like she thinks im doing a bad job. like we dont celebrate religious holidays like most... we dont do gifts we just have a dinner and spend time with eachother. i also told her we dont plan on telling dd theres a santa. we dont believe in lying to her. well my mom said that their going to tell her about santa...  

Quoting Krystie321:" my mom just tries to mother her for me... and it does make me feel kind of smurffy., like she thinks im ... [snip!] ... telling dd theres a santa. we dont believe in lying to her. well my mom said that their going to tell her about santa...  "

So you deal with it or you cut her out of your life until she can have some respect for you as a parent. My grandma was the same way she went almost a year without seeing my kids. I have respect now.

Also, SO's mother never comes to see DD, but showed up around Christmas with $400 worth of clothes..
Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely appreciated it. DD wears them, and they're very pretty clothes, much like the ones I would pick out for her.
However, this was for Christmas, and when she asked me what DD NEEDED, I responded, "she doesn't need anything, but she loves books and can always use bibs."
SO's mother completely disregarded that, and came over with clothes.
Nice thought, but she must have spent $400 on clothes and didn't get her a book.
Then, she texted me one day asking what size shoe DD wore. I said I wasn't sure, she's SIX MONTHS old.. She doesn't really need more shoes. The girl has 6 or 7 pairs and she's not even walking. She said "Well figure it out I want to get her Nikes'" That irked me.
I'm sorry, but I'd rather my daughter have a relationship with her grandma than one who shows up to give her gifts. I'd rather my daughter have more books than more clothes that she didn't really need in the first place. I'd rather my daughter have developmental toys or diapers, things she actually needs, instead of Nike shoes..
So... I completely understand where you're coming from.

Can you ask them to keep them at their house, that way your DD has some toys there for when she visits?

Quoting 3.24.10 ♥ 9.10.11:" Can you ask them to keep them at their house, that way your DD has some toys there for when she visits?"

i did but she said it would be pointless because shes in florida and im in massachusetts and we only get down there once every year and a half.