Something is wrong with my SO

Hopefully I can post this without being "judged" and hopefully SOMEONE will understand what I'm trying to say. I'm not very good at explaining what I mean to say but I'll try.

I've been with SO for almost 6 years, and he has always been kind of immature in some ways, and he has this thing where he can be kind of annoying because he like craves attention and he craves the feeling of feeling wanted by people. So sometimes he can be annoying if he feels like he is unwanted because then he tries to hard to make people like him.

And it's really hard to discribe, but I just KNOW its not just "well that's just his personality, deal with it"
It's something else.. I feel like it is something that has to do with his development when he was a kid. Like he was lacking something as a child that prevented him from growing up all the way and it messed up his development.

Does that even make sense so far??

To be clear, his parents left him in Mexico with his grandmother when he was a toddler. His grandma raised him, and he called his grandma "mom".
His parents left him and came to the united states and had 2 other kids here.
My SO knew about his parents and siblings his whole life, but never met them, and his parents never came back to visit him after they left him when he was 2 or 3.

Then when he was 14, his parents had him come to the united states. So he had to leave his grandma, walk through the desert with a bunch of strangers and come to a country he's never been to to meet his family he never knew. Then he had to go to a new school and he had to learn English, ect.

I think all that affected him more than anyone wants to believe.

He also says he dosnt remember anything from his childhood under the age of about 10 or 11.

Do you think if he went to counciling it would help him with the development he missed out on? Do you think it would help him "grow up"?
Or is that kind of trauma permanent??
It makes me
Really sad for him that people just think he is stupid or immature or annoying. I think there is more to it than just that. I know there is more to it...

I think all guys are annoying until around 28. They mature differently than we do.

Actually it IS a part of his personality now, regardless what happened to him. What happens to us throughout our lives dictates how we are as people.

BUT yes, it is VERY possible that counseling or therapy could help repair some of that damage and make him less needy   Counseling and therapy sometimes works GREAT for people. Just do not expect a miracle, because it does not always work for every one. I hope he is one of those people that will do good with it though for your own piece of mind and sanity  

I had a bestfriend like this, I can not imagine being in a relationship with her, she would drive me crazy LOL

Quoting Blythe.:" I think all guys are annoying until around 28. They mature differently than we do."

Also a good point!

I definitely think therapy would benefit him if he has some PTSD from childhood. If he's willing to go and sort through it then for sure   do what you can to support him as well. I know how it feels to have childhood issues affect your adult life negatively. It helps to have good spousal support.

Also important to add:
When he came to the united states to live with his parents, they were not nice to him and they treated him differently than his siblings. That really get him because he was excited to finally meet his mom and dad and web he got here it wasnt how enexpected it to be. He thinks they don't love him and they only wanted him to come here so he could help his dad work.

Quoting Silly Mily's Momma ♡:" Hopefully I can post this without being "judged" and hopefully SOMEONE will understand what I'm trying ... [snip!] ... just think he is stupid or immature or annoying. I think there is more to it than just that. I know there is more to it..."

I would say yes. Men need an even less judgmental place to disclose their feelings than men. Try to find a make counselor he can relate to and maybe he will be able to work on these issues. Sounds frustrating for you!

That kind of reminds me of my daughter's father. My daughter's father was also raised by his gma, his mom went to Mexico & his dad was always in & out of jail. He didn't really have much guidance and he looked up to some of the wrong people. Also, they never showed him love & affection like kids need so now he has hard time showing affection towards others, has issues with being in relationships, and other problems. He just wasn't use to it growing up, so he has issues now with it. It is sad   I think he could benefit from a psychologist but I doubt he would ever do that. If your SO is willing, maybe try and ask? But he may become offended a bit by it, so kind of bring it up lightly to him.

His parents sound like smurfing smurfs >.<

<blockquote><b>Quoting SaucyPoppet:</b>" Actually it IS a part of his personality now, regardless what happened to him. What happens to us throughout ... [snip!] ... and sanity   I had a bestfriend like this, I can not imagine being in a relationship with her, she would drive me crazy LOL"</blockquote>




Yea I guess that is true that it is part of his personality now, biut I guess I meant I just feel like if it wasn't for his parents leaving him, he would har been a completely different person without having to deal with his "trauma" I guess? Idk how to word it..

Quoting Blythe.:" I think all guys are annoying until around 28. They mature differently than we do."

That is true lol.

<blockquote><b>Quoting SaucyPoppet:</b>" His parents sound like smurfing smurfs >.<"</blockquote>




Totally. I hate his parents.
I told them off for the first time a few days ago. It felt SO good. They called SO to yell at him about something he did wrong, and SO was just silently crying on the phone just letting them yell at him, not even defending himself. So i got on the phone and told them they cant just decide to discipline him now that he is an adult they should have been his parents when he needed it the most. And a bunch of other not so nice things.

Then when I got off the phone SO just hugged me and cried saying I'm the only person who has ever stuck up for him.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Silly Mily's Momma ♡:</b>" Hopefully I can post this without being "judged" and hopefully SOMEONE will understand what I'm trying ... [snip!] ... just think he is stupid or immature or annoying. I think there is more to it than just that. I know there is more to it..."</blockquote>



I can relate. I spent 7 years waiting for my ex husband to grow up and for him to change. He had a traumatic childhood as well and still to this day acts like he is 18 and he is 32. He went to counseling and was on meds for some anxiety and depression issues and nothing has helped him. Unfortunate its one of the reasons I left. I couldn't handle his immaturity and he wasn't a responsible person (among other worse things). I just kept getting older more mature and wiser. And there he was stuck and unable to rise above the mentality of a teenager.

I love SO to death... he's 33 and is still as mature as a 18 year old sometimes lol

yeah, stuff like that can make your personality a little odd. my daughter's father had a strange life. his birth mother was weird, maybe an alcoholic or on drugs or something, idk. she had 3 kids at the time that he was little. she used to try to "lose" him a lot, at stores and stuff. but people would be like, "oh, isn't that so and so's kid?..." and bring him back home. finally, he and his sister either got taken away or she gave them up or something. they went to live with a foster family in a nice house and a nice area, but the people only wanted to keep his sister. so, he got sent away somewhere else. he ended up getting adopted by the people he now calls mom and dad. they're okay people, but his dad was always treated him kind of harshly and made him do lots of chores and work around the house. he also beat him with belts and chains and stuff. they kicked him out when he was 17 for not going to church when he had the flu. they had other foster kids too, some they adopted, some they didn't. idk.

i think his childhood has a lot to do with how he is now. he's not necessarily an angry person, but he is quick to anger, and he strives for acceptance more than most people. he has kind of a sick sense of humor, and i think he uses his humor to deal/cope with stuff. idk.

counseling sounds like it might help your SO, but it's up to him if he wants to go. he might not want to. good luck to him!